The Money is hidden under a Big T

T is somewhat an important letter. It starts and ends a good number of words. It's also the letter that set off this whole "Things That Start With ___" craze into motion. Thank you doho...I know you never thought It'd balloon out into the clusterfuck that it became.


Here are some things that start with T.


The: It's one of the most important words out there. It's declarative in the finest sense, it tells us what something is. "The Blog," "The Paper," "The Toilet," and "The Pill." Gary Gulman had a good set about "The Pill." Everyone knew just what I was referring to with "The Pill" as opposed to all those other phrases I mentioned. That's how important it seemingly is. "It can make you not pregnant? THAT'S The Pill!"

There are some instances where adding "The" to a word that doesn't need it becomes hilarious. A good example is "The Grimace," as in "nothing can kill The Grimace." On the opposite end of the spectrum is adding "The" to a TV show that doesn't have "The" in its name just makes you stupid.

IT'S "FAMILY GUY," NOT "THE FAMILY GUY!" Do you see its logo?



Do you see "The" in that logo at all? No, you don't. It's not even in that little TV. Saying "The Family Guy" makes you an ignorant douchebag and allows all of us to taunt you for saying such.


Thirteen Ghosts of Scooby-Doo: My favorite incarnation of the Scooby-Doo universe It's also one of the shortest-lived of any of his series, with only 13 episodes. The gang this time around consists of Scooby, Shaggy, Scrappy, Daphne, and Flim-Flam (a "cute little wisecracking orphan kid"), as they try to capture the Thirteen Ghosts that have been freed from the Demon Chest. Also, Vincent Price stars as the wizard "Vincent van Ghoul."

Out of the 13 episodes, only 11 ghosts were ever caught. The first episode set all the monsters free, and another episode where the ghosts were set free again. That means there's two other Ghosts still out there waiting to be captured. This in particular inspired a great idea for a story that I haven't written yet, so don't steal it from my dreams. Doing such qualifies one as a pervert.

What sets this show apart from the other Scooby shows is that it doesn't follow the standard plot of "Hippies find fake monster haunting some random location." The ghosts and monster featured in this series are all real, and you can die in this show, as well as break the fourth wall.

It's also the only Scooby-Doo series to NOT have a DVD release at all. There's like 14 shows with "Scooby-Doo" in the title, and 13 of them have seen a DVD release of some kind. They even released DVDs of The Scooby-Doo/Dynomutt Hour and The Richie Rich/Scooby-Doo Show. I haven't heard of those either, but they got DVD releases before this one did.

Travel Channel: One of my favorites to watch. It's a channel with shows about...travelling. Whether it be around the country, or around the world, if it's not your house, it goes there. Although it also showcases "The World Poker Tour" for some reason, although I am relieved to discover that they recently finally moved it to Game Show Network.

One of my favorite shows to watch are "No Reservations," a travelogue show starring Anthony Bourdain (think Alton Brown, except filthier and more smarmy) where he goes to the more "out there" regions of the world and brightens them up with his disgustingly humorous insight. The episode where he goes to Las Vegas is a favorite of mine.

Another great one was "Great Hotels," where Samantha Brown went and reviewed the best rooms in all the greatest hotels around the world. And that's it. All she did was stay in the best room in the house (probably comped by the network), tell us how awesome it was, and maybe see some of the sights. You're probably not surprised that my favorite episodes were the ones where she stayed at DisneyWorld, Vegas, and HersheyPark. And Samantha just had to ruin it when she went on to be in shows were she actually did stuff and not spend a half-hour staring at the ceiling of the lobby and pretending to sleep in the comfy beds.

There's also their little romps describing Food Joints around the country/world, usually in the form of Top 10 Lists. They've had shows detailing the 10 most unique McDonald's Around The World, the 10 Most Unique Fast Food Places In The World (#1 was a Wendy's in Alaska that's North Pole themed 24/7), pizza joints, ice cream shops, burger places, etc. My favorite of these is a list called "Top 10 Places To Pig Out," with 10 restaurants in the USA that have deliciously large portions of food and/or unusual eating contests of some sort, or at least taking place at the time of filming. They air this at least once every 2 months, and I always manage to find and watch it.

What's been pissing me off about this network is that earlier this month, all of the channels owned by Cox Networks (which seems to hold all channels involving or spun-off from Discovery Channel except for Food Network) had ceased working on my TV, and must be paid for unless you have a digital cable box, which there is in my living room. My question is: Why? All of my background fodder, all of my mindless hotel reviewing, all of the Food! Gone! Sob.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: I don't think I need to explain what this is or how awesome it was. Mikey was always my favorite turtle, and may have inspired my love of the color Orange.

Back when I was young, I had TMNT Fever. No, it wasn't cured with More Cowbell, but rather another craze to take its place, which ended being a combo of Power Rangers and Transformers. I had TMNT Everything. And I mean everything. The action figures, the playsets, the cassettes of the episodes, the movies, posters, Ninja Turtle chairs, Ninja Turtle Mugs, Ninja Turtle bedsheets, TMNT PJs, Ninja Turtle Welcome Mat, TMNT Waste Paper Basket. Etc and all that, I still have most of them. I even ate the magnificent TMNT Pudding Pies. I remember how it tastes, too. It tasted sugary with lots of green. In other words, I can't really describe it, you just had to be there.

I had many of the side figures & variants, like the Football & Astronaut Turtles, the Movie figures, even the transforming figures. At first they had the Turtles where you could change them from regular Turtle to Ninja form, Splinter from Rat to Sensei, Shredder with and without his armor, Bebop & Rocksteady to humans, and Foot Soldier to Robot. Then came versions where they transformed into vehicles, with Splinter having the distinction of turning into the Turtle Van. But out of all the figures, I never had Krang with the Robot Body. I only had Krang with the Walker.


But I don't care what you had, I had the Turtle Blimp, so there.






"Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot that letter that looks like a man wearing a hat."
"It's a T. It goes 'Tuh.'"
"Hello little man...I WILL DESTROY YOU!!"