The Game of Lent!

A good two years ago when I was still blogging on myspace, I set up my own personal goal for Lent: To go around Long Island and try the Fish Sandwiches at every Fast Food chain. For those of you are are NOT Gentiles or simply don't know what the hell Lent is (I have a loose grasp of it myself), is that in the 40-day period between Ash Wednesday & Easter, you can't eat meat on Fridays, and everyone usually eats fish instead. Unless they forget.

Basically when this season rolls around, many of the meat favoring fast food chains deck out special Fish sandwiches that are only available during this brief window of time. The only three ingredients of a fast food fish sandwich is the fish itself (usually haddock of something), tartar sauce (a nice compliment), lettuce (gotta have your greens), and sometimes cheese (just 'cause).

Fortunately, my dear readers, I managed to complete this quest in the alotted time, with a week to spare! Here, in my rewritten original words, is how they all weighed in (w/pics borrowed from Flickr):


1) McDonald's - Filet-o-Fish (regular & Double)



We start the list off with the reason why fish sandwiches are around in the first place: McD's Filet-O-Fish. Created for the Lent season after the failure of the Hula Burger (a slice of pineapple sandwich with cheese), it is one of the most popular sandwiches McDs has to offer. It's also the one sandwich I've eaten at the most. Taste-wise, it's alright, you can really taste the fish, the cheese as well as the globs of tartar sauce on it.

Through some whim, I've also once eaten the Double that they offered at the time, and it's basically the same, but with another patty. It's one of my favorites, and it doesn't give me that "I'm gonna die!" feeling that most of the other stuff McDs offers gives me. Strangely, it's one of 2 Fish Sandwiches that did not come with lettuce and came with cheese (the other is White Castle's)


2) Wendy's - Fish Sandwich



This is the sandwich that inspired me to create this challenge in the first place. Taste-wise, its OK, it was crispy, and the lettuce that was on it was a bit limp and moist, but it was OK, but not as good as the Filet-o-Fish.


3) White Castle - Fish w/Cheese



Ah yes, the Legendary White Castle. The smallest (1/2 the size of an index card), and the cheapest ($1.25). I've told several people that White Castle is an acquired taste, and this one could either be the best sandwich, or the grossest. Fortunately, I'm in the party that loves this, and I thought that it was great. Besides being one of 2 sandwiches that includes cheese and does not have lettuce, it also does not include tartar sauce (you have to put it on yourself). It has good taste, and you're better off eating it if it's the first in a series of WC sandwiches you get (impossible to have just one, as I mentioned before).


4) KFC - Fish Snacker



Ah, another newcomer to the fast food world, the KFC Fish Snacker! Depending on which KFC you go, the price can range from 99 cents to 1.50 (saw it in NYC) I, getting it in a mall, had to pay $1.39 for it. There's a reason why it's called the "Snacker", since the sandwich in the pic above is the actual size. I'm just kidding, but it is small, roughly the size of 3 White Castle burgers. I have to say, it was alright, not the best, not to worst (I'll get to that one in a moment), but I can see why The Pope wouldn't bless it.


5) Burger King - Spicy Big Fish



Here we come to one of Burger King's 2 fish sandwich offerings of the BK Big Fish. I had the spicy version, and man...BK is evil. They do mean that it is the "Big" Fish, as it is the biggest regular-sized sandwich that I had on the whole quest. They trick you into thinking that when you're eating it that it's OK to eat it, and that it tastes OK with the lettuce & spicy tartar sauce. And then the aftertaste...ick, I can still taste the low tide feeling in my mouth now. You know how some saltwater places like a bay or the ocean smells during low tide? Well, that's how the Big Fish sandwich tasted and it made me nauseous for the rest of the day and it almost derailed my quest just a week into officially doing it.


6) Long John Silvers - Classic Fish Sandwich



Ugh, I gotta cleanse the palate a little bit. Now we come to a rarity in these parts, a Long John Silvers! The one I went to, pictured above was only non co-branded one on Long Island, and coincidentally, it was directly on the other side of Sunrise Highway of my college, St. Joseph's in Patchogue. All my life, I kept wondering how that place stayed in business, only to have it close roughly six months after eating there.

If I can say this about LJS: It's something worth trying once. When I ate it, I thought it was pretty good, top tier, but not the best. Size-wise, it's the 3rd smallest, if this sandwich's lenght was measured in White Castle Bugers, this would be 4 WCs long.


7) Checkers (Fish Sandwich & Deep Sea Double)



Now we come to what I think is the best of the bunch: Checkers! There's the regular fish sandwich and there's the Deep Sea Double, the version pictured above. Hmm, I don't remember there being cheese on it, but then again, I did have that them a few weeks ago...freaking glamour shots, discombobulating me. Either way, both of them have the same stuff, tartar sauce, lettuce, (possibly cheese), and the sandwich overall tastes great. And the Double is...double good? (Edit: Turns out that this pic is indeed the Deep Sea Double and yes, I do remember Cheese being on it. Still awesome, though)


8) Checkers - Fish Screamer
Hmm, yes, it seems that Checkers made a 3rd Fish Sandwich at the time, the Fish Screamer to compliment their Chicken version for their montly promotion. There is actually a difference between the ones I just reviewed: The fish patty itself is great as always, and besides lettuce, it actually has mayo, onions, and pickles. Taste-wise..same good patty, but with all the fixin's, its taste eerily resembles the Filet-o-Fish.


9) Nathans - Fish Sandwich

(No obtainable pic found)

Here's an oversight I never noticed: Nathan's offers a fish sandwich too. I'll also admit, I cheated a bit and found it not on LI, but in Penn Station. Sure, I have yet to go to a Nathans in recent memory that was NOT co-branded with an Arthur Treacher's (I'll get to that in a bit), but I know they're out there. Very peculiar, as it is Triangular shaped, but nonetheless, it was pretty average compared to the rest. Since it was in Penn Station, It was also the only sandwich that I had access to the legendary Roy Rogers Fixin's Bar, despite already being served with lettuce, tartar sauce, and a tomato slice. It was good already, but with the fixins, it was made better. I can see why not many Nathans carry this, the ones that are co-branded would make having this seem redundant.


10) Arthur Treacher's Fish & Chips - Fish Sandwich



Another obscure chain, this primarily Fish & Chips fast food place had recently been absorbed by Nathan's and are usually co-branded with them (I've heard stories about one co-branded with a Pudgies. Freaky). Look-wise, it's not much different from Nathan's, it's triangular shaped, but there is the difference that it was fried with batter, instead of being breaded like Nathan's is. There's tartar sauce & lettuce here, and it made the sandwich taste good, but the fish itself could barely be tasted on account of all the sauce on it. I know this is making you hungry reading this, right? Didn't think so.


And we come to our conclusion. There were also A&W and Roy Rogers chains on the Island, but they weren't covered, and I offer this explanation to you: I tried, I really did.

I searched the only A&W within driving distance of myself to find that is was co-branded with KFC, so it basically meant no Fish Sandwich, or anything else A&W-related for matter save for the root beer from a tap of all things. I did manage to read the website, which stated it was only going to be offered at "Select Locations" which I guess didn't mean the ones on LI, but rather an actual full-blooded A&W place, which around here...there are none. Roy Rogers, on the other hand, I managed to find 3: 2 in Penn Plaza in NYC, and one out in Shirley. None of them had the Fish Sandwich, or any evidence of ever having it. The only time I ever saw them mention it was as a news blurb on their poorly-designed website. (clicking on anything leads you to a blank page)

Still, with 11 different sandwiches in the span of around a month, I considered the quest a success, and I'm probably not going to ever eat at many of these places again.

If I had to rank them, they would be this:

1) Checkers (Fish Sandwich & Deep Sea Double)
2) Checkers (Fish Screamer)
3) McDs (Regular & Double Filet-O-Fish)
4) Long John Silvers,White Castle, Wendy's
5) KFC, Nathan's
6) Arthur Treacher's
Last) Burger King. Yes, it's that bad, don't go there. Period. Colon: Exclamation Mark!

Commercials I Like at The Moment

You may not realize this, but I watch an ungodly amount of TV. I'm one of those people who look at those studies that the average person watches 8 hours of TV a day and think "pussies." And of course, every once in a while there are a few ads that catch my eye, whether they be gut-wrenching horrible or actually quite funny. I've talked about a few before, but I felt like sticking a few current memorable commercials in one spot:



The current ad for McDonald's Filet-o-Fish, just in time for what's left of Lent. It combines three things that make a great food ad: A pissed off friend, a catchy jingle, and a random pop culture reference. We finally got some damn use from one of those "Big Mouth Billy Basses" from the late 90's (with dozens of doppelgangers), and its execution is quite, dare I say it, inspired. I'm a lifetime fan of McDonald's commercials and I'll honestly say that this has been one of their best ads in YEARS.




Not to be outdone, Burger King, the other side of the fast food coin, recently released what is bound to be a classic in its own right. It's been a long time since their ads for their happy meal ripoffs had been successful, but I think they're finally on to something. For Spongebob's sake, this is a classic case of "Why the hell didn't they think of this sooner?!" as Mr. Squarepants has been around for roughly 9 years and the idea to combine him with a Sir Mix-a-Lot "I Like Big Butts" parody was never realized...until now. They even had the gall to put The King into this, and for once he's not the creepiest thing about this ad!




Adding one more combo to the mix, Six Flags recently combined their "More Flags! More Fun!" campaign with the Shouting Asian Stereotype with Mr. Six, the dancing Old Guy. It wouldn't be so bad due to the return of everyone's favorite geriatric dancer, but they had the nerve to give him a VOICE. Gaah! The voice does not match the prosthetic makeup job at all! I'm sure that this is all revenge against me when I had him lose to Billy Mays in the first round of my Infomercial Pitchman Tourney by having Billy turn him into Al Roker.

BTW, the vid is for Magic Mountain, so please don't assume I live anywhere near that shithole. My home Six Flags park is Great Adventure in Jersey. They at least have one of the buses that they used in the ads!


Are there any recent ads that you love/get your blood boiling?

The Cure for March Madness: Week 3

Another week of great March Madness matches. Yes, we're currently in April, but that's how brutal this competition has been going!

Week 1 can be found here, and with it, the original bracket.
Week 2 action is here.

We're now down to the Elite 8! Let's see how the matchups went in this exciting week!


Division I

1. Billy Mays vs Wilford Brimley

With the clock counting down until the final judgment, Billy found himself in quite a pickle: he was out of OxiClean and Wilford had managed to slash off a good portion of his beard and had used the distraction to charge his Diabeetus eye Beams. In a lucky break, Billy discovered that bottles of Kaboom!™ were immune to the 'beetus and used it to reflect the beams back into Wilford's own mind.

In his head, Diabeetus is eradicated and he claimed himself as the victor. It's a shame that his body told a different story, hunched dead on the ground, choking on some Mighty Putty.


2. Suzanne Somers vs Mr. T.

During a heated "when's the last time you got work" discussion, Mr. T just about had it with Miss Tighmaster and summoned the spirits of the dead careers of his fellow A-Team companions to lift Suzanne to Rerun Hell where she belongs and is forced to be the roommate of Desi Arnaz and what's left of Tim Allen for the rest of eternity.


Division II

3. Ron Popeil vs Denis Haysbert

In quite the stunning upset, Denis managed to defeat Mr. Popeil by tricking him into crawling into his own Showtime Rotisserie Oven, in which he was simply set and forgotten. Just like Battlestar Galactica!


4. Sam Waterston vs William Shatner

Sam's squadron of killer pill popping robots were no match for the former Capt. Kirk, whom he quickly sexed to death to get to Sam himself, where he promptly used Priceline to find the pipe used to make that "donk donk" sound effect on Law & Order, and drove the metal bastard straight through Sam's temple.


Damn is the only thing I have to say about that. We're in the home stretch, The Final 4!

Next week's matchups:

1. Billy Mays vs Mr. T

2. Denis Haysbert vs William Shatner


All I know is my overall bracket is toast. How about yours? Who do you want to win? Submit your winners either through the comments or via email at beamingforbunnies@gmail.com.

I would've made an updated bracket, not to mention funnier entries, but it's 3am and I'm tired as hell. See y'all next week!

The Cure for March Madness: Week 2

Wow, it's been a crazy week, hasn't it? So much so that not one person has been pinned down enough to put in some votes or brackets for the Tourney! But that's no matter, I think I know how it's gonna go down.

Want to see the original bracket? Scroll down or click the link to the right to take you to the previous posts.

Let's see the results of the first week of matchups:

Division I

1. Billy Mays vs. Mr. Six

It seemed that Mr. Six had the upper hand in the first quarter when he taunted Billy with his dancing and suggestive nature towards going to Great Adventure to ride Medusa, but he was quickly taken out when Billy poured a concoction of OxyClean, Kaboom and OrangeGlo onto his face, rendering him into his true form: Al Roker.


2. Wilford Brimley vs Matthew Lesko

The Free Money riddles of Matthew Lesko proved to be no match for Wilford's glazed eyes, which are known to shoot deadly beams of Diabeetus into one's mind.


3. John Basedow vs Suzanne Somers

In a stunning upset, John Basedow was found with a tighmaster (along with his actual thighs) driven straight through his collarbone.


4. Vince vs Mr. T.

It seemed that Mr. T had pitied one too many fools this time as Vince had caught him off guard to "pay attention to his nuts," nearly Slap Chopping his Mohawk and managed to leave no mess behind to boot. All seemed lost for Mr. T until Vince was disqualified after being arrested for beating up a Prostitute. Cue legitimate pitying of fool.



Division II

5. Ron Popeil vs David Oreck

Quite an easy win for Ron, as David was pinned down by his own Eight Pound Vacuum cleaner after forgetting after apparently setting it. But wait, that's not all: Ron even had the damn gall to send a Pocket Fisherman down Oreck's air purifier.


6. Chef Tony vs Denis Haysbert

Sure, wielding about 29 different knives would seem intimidating to anyone, except that Tony didn't count on one thing: Denis calling in his old buddy Jack Bauer to put an end to him, and Chef Tony now permanently remains in Ron Popeil's shadow. How Jack managed to pull it off, I have no clue, but Jack Bauer doesn't need a damn explanation. For you see, he's running out of time.


7. Sam Waterston vs The Magic Bullet Cast

Sam Waterston vs a bunch of hungover drunks and Aussie seemed to be one hell of a battle. Wave after wave of drunken brawls and vomit persisted for several hours until the unthinkable occurred: Robots arrived to destroy the remaining cast of the Magic bullet when it mistook the usage of the titular product as someone harming its child.


8. Jack LaLanne vs William Shatner

The World's Most Fit Old Person and Capt. Kirk: Who would win? Sadly, Shatner's phaser was accidentally not set to stun, and Jack, confused by the direct hit, stumbled into his Power Juicer and became part of a complete breakfast.



Lots of good battles, and it's looking better now that we're in the Elite 8.

1. Billy Mays vs Wilford Brimley
2. Suzanne Somers vs Mr. T

3. Ron Popeil vs Denis Haysbert
4. Sam Waterston vs William Shatner


If you want to vote for who moves on, vote in the comments or at beamingforbunnies@gmail.com from now until Friday, April 3rd. See y'all next time!

The Cure for March Madness

As some of my sports-oriented buddies are well-aware of, last night kicked off the NCAA College Basketball Tournament, mostly known as that yearly disease "March Madness." The Final Four, The Elite Eight, The Sweet Sixteen, The...Tolerable Thirty-two. There's only two things that I know for certain for this thing: I honestly think Duke sucks (you can chalk that up to me being a Farker for the last 6 or so years), and I know nothing of College basketball beyond that.

With that in mind, I've decided to create my own tournament. With blackjack. And hookers. Okay, maybe not those latter two things, but I won't rule anything out. Instead of (yawn) College Basketball, how about a battle that we can all get behind:

Who is the best infomercial pitchman? Which ones deserve to be given the title of being able to talk anyone into buying anything, and who just plain needs to leave this Earth right now? Thanks to my crack team of researchers, statistics of past performances, and a few cans of Red Bull, I have managed to successfully seed and organize a bracket of the 16 competitors that have earned the right to get to this point.


(click to embiggen)

If you can't make it out, here is the Sweet Sixteen of Infomercials:


Billy Mays


He's shilled everything from Mighty Putty to Health Insurance, all without knowing the meaning of the word "Whisper."


Ron Popeil


Like Billy, he really doesn't need an introduction, but he's the King of Infomercials. The Pocket Fisherman, Mr. Microphone, the Food Dehydrator, the Food Rehydrator, the Solid Flavor Injector, The "Set It & Forget It" Rotisserie Oven, and the technology to keep human heads alive in jars. All him. But wait, that's not all!


Chef Tony


He's a partner in crime to Mr. Popeil, and is usually here to shill Ron's 85 piece cutlery set. I don't know when I'll ever need knives that are able to cut down shoes, bricks, and a tomato in the same sitting, but I thank him for selling it.


David Oreck


He's the self-spokesman of his titular Oreck vacuums. The guy's like 90 and yet he's still around, speaking to wonders of a vacuum cleaner that weighs only eight pounds! But no, that's not enough for lil ol Dave. Now he also sells a air purifier...which also weighs just eight pounds!


Matthew Lesko


In a probable universe, he could be seen as The Riddler, or at least some sociopathic stalker who inspired the character. He mostly appears on network tv late at night chasing senators about his book about getting FREE MONEY from the Government!


Vince


I really don't like that guy, but since there's no specific person selling the Snugiee, he made it onto the roster for acting like a total douchebag towards the ShamWOW. You could tell it's a waste of money due to "sham" being in its name. It's one of those Cinderella stories, I guess.


Suzanne Somers


Ms. Suzanne is famous for being on Three's Company as well as her Tighmaster ads. Yum. (Also, well-aware that her last name is misspelled on the bracket)


John Basedow


The "Fitness Made Simple" Guy! Apparently he's got one hell of a cult following for just wearing a muscle shirt and implying that fitness is probably as not as simple as he says it is.


Jack LaLanne


He, like Ron Popeil, was filming infomercials before they were cool, if they ever were in the first place. He's quite famous for being the most physically fit 95 year old man that ever lived as well as the juicer that bears his name. He may be in his 90's and a good five feet tall, but he'll be able to kick any of our sorry asses if we didn't agree to pay for 5 juicers AND keep the free gift!


The Magic Bullet


The only ensemble in the tourney, it's not just the two hosts, its the hungover partygoers who are treated to breakfast and an incredibly stupid ad. The fat guy is one of those Funny Alcholics, one of the ladies is the real-life version of Lunchlady Doris and all they want is something to dull the pain but instead they can't eat until they know for sure that there's 5 funtastic colors to decorate the lid with.


Wilford Brimley


He's teaching us all about the dangers of Diabeetus and how he and his mustache wish to provide some help with coping with this illness. He looks like one of those cats with the round head with the long white whiskers. Or at the very least, he resembles a bleached watermelon stuffed into a cardigan.


Dennis Haysbert


So when the presidency in "24" wasn't working out for him, he went to Allstate and asked us if we were in good hands. We are, Dennis. We are.


William Shatner


Ahh, Shatner. Once again, I don't need to tell anyone who he is, be it TJ Hooker, Capt. Kirk, all-around awesome Nerd Hero. Being the Priceline™ Negotiator™ hasn't hurt this guy at all, and earns him into one of the most crucial battles of the whole tourney, up against Jack LaLanne of all people!


Mr. T


We can't have Mr. Shatner around without Mr. T, now can we? He pities the fool who don't call collect or buy World of Warcraft!


Sam Waterston


Why is he here, you ask? Why, he pimps Old Glory Robot Insurance, of course! He has saved thousands of elderly people's lives from the dangers of robots. "When one gets a hold of you, you can't break free, because they're made of metal, and robots are strong." Oddly enough, he now appears in ACTUAL health insurance ads that I'll never take seriously thanks to this. It's also incredibly hard to find an embeddable vid of this. Damn you, NBC.


Mr. Six


He's better known as "The Creepy Old Dancing Six Flags Guy" for a good reason. Be honest, if he drove up to your house one day and started to dance for no reason, wouldn't you get in and not care where he takes you?


I know you're looking at the roster and thinking "Hey, where's Chuck Norris?!" True, he does appear in the "Total Gym Workout" machine thing with Christie Brinkley, and he's one of the most awesome people on the planet, but that's the problem. It's not that I don't like him, he's simply TOO awesome. It wouldn't be fair! Everyone would want him to win! There were only 2 ways that I could've made this tourney fair: Take Norris out, or pit Chuck Norris in a Sweet Sixteen tournament with 15 other Chuck Norrises. The latter option would've guaranteed a win for him. Also, one of the other original competitors was Mrs. Butterworth (representing both her own syrup and Geico's Celebrity Spokesman ads), but just yesterday she was found with her bottle completely empty! So, with an open slot, Jack LaLanne was moved up in the ranking.

Which brings us to answering the question of how this tourney's gonna work: Fan vote! In each game, I want you, the readers, to decide the winners of each of the eight matches! Those lucky eight will move on and then next Friday we'll hold a second round of bracket voting to decide the Final Four, etc. until there is only one standing!

How do you vote? Well, in the comments here, on the Facebook version of this post, and/or through my email at beamingforbunnies@gmail.com will all do the trick. Just say, in each match, who will win. If you want to put some effort into this and be creative, you could certainly explain HOW these victories will be achieved. I'd like to see 'em.

By the way, most of the videos are of the "Youtube Poop" variety of these infomercials, because 1) They're just as bizarre as the real thing and 2) Genuinely funny, and God help it, I want my readers to actually watch these vids. I did. Well, the Magic Bullet's vid is the real thing because it just needs to be seen to be believed, if you haven't already.

I'll be back with another March Madness post next Friday to see who will be moving on!

Say "From Charms!" "What?" (Cut, cut!)

It's my first entry in March and I apologize for not adding anything since the end of February. School, work, and such got in the way. Damn Thesis and whatnot.

Well, that's going to change right away with a trip down memory lane. I'm sure everyone remembers this Blow Pops ad from the early 90's:



To be fair, I don't know when exactly this ad was made, but I'm pretty sure that most of these kids are dead by now. All I know is that back in the early-to-mid 90's, Nickelodeon played this ad at just about every. single. commercial break. I already saw that Milhouse-looking kid hold the watermelon three times, lemme get back to Legends of The Hidden Temple, dammit!

On another note, I noticed the watermark on the vid says "Crowncombo.com" Hey, that's my blogger friend Mystie! Go visit her site now! It's more or less a girl version of X-Entertainment, but you say it like it's a bad thing!

A newer, longer entry to come later.

Beaming For Birthdays

I can't believe it's been this long, but Beaming For Bunnies officially turns one year old today!



It's grown so much, I feel like it won't be much longer until it sprouts legs and waddles off into the sunset and have some new adventures that may or may not involve pie.

Here's a link to the first post of the blog. I looked so skinny back then.

Let's fire up the Wiki and see what other important things occurred on February 27th:

-Henry IV is crowned King of France. (1594)
-Washington, DC is placed under the jurisdiction of the U.S. Congress. (1801)
-The Dominican Republic gains independence from Haiti. (1844)
-Germany's parliament building in Berlin, the Reichstag, is set on fire. (1933, is rewrapped in plastic 70 years later.)
-Lebanon declares Independence. (1945)
-The Twenty-second Amendment to the United States Constitution, limiting Presidents to two terms, is ratified. (1951)
-People magazine is published for the first time. (1974)
-Beaming For Bunnies founded (2008)

For kicks, let's see who has a birthday today:

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, American poet (1807-1882)
-John Steinbeck, American writer (1902-1968)
-Elizabeth Taylor (1932-Probably died 11 years ago)
-Ralph Nader (1934-Soon)
-Neil Shon from Journey (1954-1986 [career])
-Danny Antonucci, creator of Ed, Edd n Eddy (1957-)
-Chelsea Clinton (1980)

And on a grimmer note, let's see who died on this day:

-Louis Vuitton, whose name increases the price of a bag by $300 (1892)
-Ivan Pavlov, famous for Pavlov's Dog experiment & embedded into the minds of Psychology majors everywhere (1936)
-Spike Milligan, famous Irish comedian in the 60's & 70's, worked with some of the Monty Python guys (2002)
-Mr. Rogers! What!? No! You died before they discovered that liquid concentrated Kindness led to immortality! (2003)


Despite that gruesome discovery, I think that this year was pretty good for me...for blogging. My actual, non-Internet life? Pretty boring and not fun to live in. Here are some things that I have learned in the past year:

-People love to read about Animation Villains, White Castle, Muppets, and the Letter Q.

-People don't comment when I ask for them.

-People don't enter contests if they don't like the prize being given away.

-I just can't get the chutzpah up to do "Casual" blogging. I don't think that my life is all that interesting to blog about, but many potential entries have died horrible deaths because I never bothered to write down my thoughts. Thankfully, the Curling blog (previous entry) was one of those moments that were spared the mental cutting room floor.

-Blogging for 28 straight days is insane, I have no idea how other bloggers manage to do it.

-It's as easy to lose friends as it is to gain them.

-I've unwillingly made quite a few enemies this year. Say the wrong thing at a College talent show or a blog, and suddenly everyone's out for your blood. Also, never piss off Competitive Eaters. You never know if one of their blogs somehow comes across yours.

-Writing 10 word summaries for stuff for five days a week is harder than it sounds.

-TV Tropes is the best site ever, and as such, it will ruin your life.

-Wordpress is actually a better blogging site than Blogger, but Beaming For Bunnies will stay here until I can get a Wordpress theme to match this one. Also, I have too many blogs, links, pics, and videos on here that will disappear if I attempt to move this thing.

-I need to better prepare myself for things like speeches and presentations, but I just can't do it.

-Speaking of which, it's a possibility that I might actually have ADD.

-Something I learned today: How long does it take for 6 guys to change a flat tire on my car in the SJC parking lot? Half an hour.

-Having your 21st birthday on Easter is not fun.

-Exploring the Natural History Museum in NYC for 5 fossils that correspond to the 5 original Power Rangers' dinosaurs, however, makes for a great day.

-The Iron Sheik is awesome in person.

-Ice cream perfectly chases away the horrible taste of a Mind Eraser. Not only does the drink live up its promise, it also erases several of your taste buds.

-It took the tragic, untimely death of the father of one of my good friends for me to realize that all of this petty arguing, "drama" and fighting in life is totally meaningless. Most of it is one-sided and could pretty easily be solved with communication. Hating for hating sake is simply unnecessary, and life could blink out in an instant. Drama is just. not. worth it.

-I'm unable to start a conversation. At all. I just awkwardly wait around for people to stop talking, I feel like I'm interrupting them. I usually am, and I hate that.

-I have an obsessive personality, and a few relationships have been or have been at risk of being ruined because of it.

-Jon Stewart is really that tiny in person.

-The Onion is in print form!

-Everyone in Chinatown sells the same thing, and no one minds at all if you go back and forth to each shop. I'm convinced that every Chinatown Shopkeeper is the same person, in a Nurse Joy kind of way.

-The reason that I didn't make a Dennis Christmas Special was that I had no ideas for a "plot," and I kept thinking that it wouldn't be as good as the Thanksgiving one.

-Embezzlers are always the people you least expect.

-I keep thinking that people talk about me behind my back. If you have something to say to me...SAY IT.

-Any video player that isn't Youtube is a complete sack of crap. I love the NostalgiaCritic, but the time it takes for his videos to load is approximately three times longer than the actual video itself, even on a good computer.

-This vid:



is simultaneously the dumbest & greatest thing that I've ever seen.

I think I'll go find a cake and carve a Bunny shooting lasers out of its eyes into it to celebrate. Here's to another great year of blogging!

This Sounded Funnier In My Head

It's boring around here. No football, no baseball, no hockey.

Hmm...I know what we can do!

WE'RE GOIN' CURLING!



It's always better when youi're slammin down some Pabst!


WE'RE GOIN' CURLING!



You can take that bitchass hockey puck and shove it,


WE'RE GOIN' CURLING!



Got my brooms to kick some arse!


WE'RE GOIN' CURLING!



You bears and Mounties watch out when we get out on the ice,


WE'RE GOIN' CURLING!



Just like in Kirby 64!


WE'RE GOIN' CURLING!



Always better with some Rush!


WE'RE GOIN' CURLING!



You better watch yourself, that circle will be mine!


WE'RE GOIN' CURLING!

Love is a 4-Letter Word

What better way to celebrate Valentine's Day is to do so with so little time left?

One of my biggest pet peeves is seeing happy couples. It's an envy factor for me, I've never had a good Valentine's Day in my near 22 years on this Earth. And in the one relationship I DID have, she broke up with me a week before the day! It was the personification if someone had plunged into my heart with a rusty corkscrew, proceeded to slowly wring it out, then fling the pieces onto a wall for it to carelessly slide down into an onion chopper. You would then feed the remains to the local stray dog. Paris Hilaton works fine as well. Feeds four. Needless to say, if there was one event that cemented my hatred for this day, it would be that.

BUT. If this was supposed to happen, it was better off that it was BEFORE that day, and not after. That would've been really low, and she wasn't that kind of person who would do such a thing.

So if I see you, you fucking couple being happy, lovey-dovey and talking to each other...fuck off, go get a room for once.

And if you're already in a room? Learn to close those curtains, there aren't that many one-way windows out there.

Yeah, It's pretty obvious that I despise this day with every fiber of my being. I believe that there's no real point to this day. "I love you?" Hearts filled with random candy? Hearts and candy, separately? How is this different from the other 364 days of the year? I would like to be proven wrong.



Happy "Honk if You Love Single Life" Day!

The Answers to The Survey

1. Yes

2. No

3. Yes

4. Red

5. Michigan

6. Put your junk in that box.

7. No

8. HELL no! Why would you ask that?!

9. Seven

10. Martini

11. He knows what he did.

12. Yes

13. Portugal

14. I'm gonna skip that one.

15. A Cobra Commander Mighty Mugg.

2AM Rambling

I've been thinking about Canada. It's essentially "America Light." By this logic, that must mean that Australia is Britain's Canada. This also means that New Zealand is Australia's Australia.

Also, John Turturro is shilling Heineken now.



I don't mind one second that someone finally decided to combine the two great tastes of Heineken and John Turturro. My question is "Why?"

Why now?

Why John Turturro?

Why am I up at 2 in the morning thinking about this?

What Exactly Happens When You Squeeze a Marine Toad?

What indeed? I stumbled upon this very question during a casual search through my Shiny Stat page (seen as a counter on the right column), looking for searches where my site showed up in.

In the page for December 2008, this very request showed up at the bottom of the screen. There is no doubt at all that it's probably the most bizarre request I've ever seen...for this site at least.

Instead of questioning the sanity of this random Google searcher, let's back him up and answer the question.

This:



Is a Marine Toad. Just look at it. He's acting all Toad-like, with a smirk on his face telling me "I'm a Marine Toad, and I don't want to pose for this picture." He's taunting me. He probably likes to lick Badgers on the weekends. Don't we all?

I can see why someone would want to squeeze it.

The first thing we need to ask is: What shall we use to squeeze it? A magnificant question if I may say so.

There are several objects that we can use to induce squeezing:

-A Ball-Peen Hammer
-A Set of Pliers
-A Monkey Wrench
-A Size 7 Boot
-an 'Ove Glove
-Cymbals
-A Monopoly Game Board
-Car Tires
-A Vice Grip
-A Two-Foot long Ball Python
-and, of course, your Bare Hands

Any of these would work just fine. I would suggest wearing gloves when handling the Ball Python, though. Write this down in your notebook now.

When you choose your object (for the purposes of this study, I have chosen the Boot), you may then proceed to squeeze your Marine Toad. This brings us to the question at hand: What exactly would happen if the Marine Toad was to be squeezed?

The Everyman (ie, You) would suggest that the Toad would simply be flattened and a long trail of sticky residue would be left behind. But that's not interesting at all. Here are some of my most personal theories:

-The Marine Toad would dispense 8 Gold Coins, which are to be used to buy a Goose at the fair.

-The Toad would split off into other toads, eventually causing a rampage that would damage the ecosystem.

-The Toad would secrete a fresh ground powder which could be mixed with Orange Juice to create the World's Strongest Glass of Whiskey.

-The Toad would be crushed beyond belief, leaving its skin to retain the consistency of Silly Putty.



Yum. Write that down in your notebook now.

I hope that answers all of your questions.

AlphaInventions.com & The Trundle Bed of Chaos

As you may or may not know, I run another blog besides this one. In 10 Words is a small blog that sums things up in exactly 10 words. School House Rock, Rent, Barack Obama, what have you.

Yesterday, it had its most epic day ever. Now, when someone distinguishes something as "Epic," it's usually as an overblown hyperbole. But I think this one is justified.

Sunday's visits: 32
Monday's visits: 7,891

Holy. Crap. It's all thanks to a site called AlphaInventions.com, a site that links thousands of blogs together. These blogs appear instantly on the front screen as soon as they get updated. Somehow, last week, In 10 Words got linked there and got me about 50 hits in two days. Not bad at all from my standards.

But then I noticed something: On the main site itself, there is a collection of blogs that mention the site, at least in their title. So Monday's entry, AlphaInventions.com...In 10 Words was born in hopes that I would get some traffic.

It worked. Possibly too well. It seems that this particular entry was the only one to get views. I'm seeing a few repeat visitors, which is nice.

In a single day, In 10 Words got more visitors than THIS blog did in 11 months. And so, I'm writing this entry as a ploy to get traffic.

If it works, welcome one and all! Stay a while, look at other posts.

One entry in particular to look at: Beaming For Bunnies: The Essentials, a collection of my favorite & popular entries of the first 100 posts on the blog.

The 10 Worst Kirby Abilities

Hiyo, kiddies out there! It's your old pal Kirby! You know...from the "Kirby" game series?

(chirp)

...I'm in the Smash Bros.?

(Yay.)

Now that formalities are over with, it seems that our usual blogger, Galileo, seems to be missing at the moment. I mean, come on! It's January and he only had one freaking post! And by the blog bylaws that I just made up, that puts ME in charge for one whole entry!

I know that "The Man" is not overly fond of using list entries too often, but since this is my entry to shine, I'll give it a whack. Since everyone knows my adventures, what I mostly do is find similar puffball creatures and then eat them. Sometimes, I'll be able to steal whatever special powers that they might have. Mega Man's got nuthin' on me, bitches.

For some reason that I still can't grasp, every game that ever starred me has a rather inconsistent assortment of Abilities that I can gain. Even if the Dream Land series are the only ones of my games to have true sequels to them, some of the abilities don't even cross over into the next game! Don't even ask me how "Kirby's Dream Course" fits into all this.

You, my loyal fans, know of some of the truly AWESOME powers that I'm able to wield: Sword, Cutter, Crash, Mirror, Mike, Hammer, etc. But there have been some...less than awesome abilities thrown in the mix as well. Here now, straight from the Guardian of Popstar's Mouth, are my 10 most awful abilities, labeled with their first appearances.


10) Sleep (Kirby's Dream Land)

You must be asking yourself "Kirby, you awesome little thing, you: Are you going backwards?" FUCK NO. The reason why Sleep is at the very bottom of this list is that it is an intentionally useless ability. Hell, it took them over 10 years to give me the ability to recover a little bit when I was asleep, and even then I had to wait until the end of the damn game to do it! I hate this ability because it's such a damn hindrance. I sleep for a few seconds and I'm left open for an attack. That alone should have gained the top, but the guys at HAL love to taunt me. They know it.

May I point to that one room in "Great Cave Offensive" where I have to fly between the Sleep power statues in a WINDY TUNNEL to get to a treasure box that has the goddamn Mr. Saturn?


9) Light bulb aka Spark/Bomb (Kirby 64)

Oh yes, Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards had one heck of a gimmick: I only had 7 base abilities, but I can combine two at a time to create some interesting combos. I'm quite partial to Fireworks (Bomb/Burning), Snowflake (Ice/Needle), Exploding Shurikens (Bomb/Cutter), and Fridge (Ice/Spark). The Fridge is arguably the greatest ability that I've ever had. For one thing, I TURN INTO A GODDAMN REFRIGERATOR! Two, I spit out food, which not only damaged enemies, but I was able to eat them to recover when there was no Maxim Tomato in sight.

With 49 or so possible combinations, there were bound to be a few duds. The Light bulb was one of them. It's only use was to light up dark rooms, and the purpose of THAT was to solve a few puzzles that led to about two or three Crystal Shards. Because there is a Bomb in the mix, the bulb eventually explodes, rendering the room dark again, just when I was about to find solve the damn puzzle. Sorry Ribbon, your savior is in another castle.

Of course, the Light bulb ability actually existed with a little more usage in Kirby 64's two predecessors: Kirby Dream Lands 2 and 3. They were obtainable when I joined up with Kine the Fish when I had the Spark ability. Seeing as he was only useful underwater, the light bulbs lit up the way to the exit. In those games, forget about having stars on top of every door. Nope, that was only reserved for the Exit, and the light bulb came in handy for finding the way out. In Dream Land 2, Kine was able to spit the light bulbs at enemies whenever he damn well pleased. In its sequel, the light bulb just happened to explode. But there was one main advantage that didn't carry over to Kirby 64: The jagged remains of the bulb were still in Kine's mouth, and he was able to stab enemies with it.


8) Hi-Jump (Kirby's Adventure)

Hey, I can fly for an infinite amount of time in most of my games, how about giving me an ability to just jump really quickly? Oh, and can the only way I can damage baddies is by ramming my head through them from below? Which would leave me vulnerable even before I fall? Joy!

This power first appeared on the Butter Building level in Kirby's Adventure, which also happened to be my first game where I had powers. Of course, that game had a few redundant abilities that were later combined in later ventures: Ice & Freeze, Burning/Fireball & Fire, Throw & Fighter, and Backdrop being renamed Suplex, because they pretty much did the same thing. What happened to Hi-Jump? Well, in games like Kirby's Super Star, I was able to bounce off my helper's heads and achieve the same effect. It says a bunch about an ability when it becomes downgraded into a default attack.

The only boss that this piece of crap ability was useful against? Kracko. The only downside of this ability's removal was that Kracko became "That One Boss." Cycloptic Electric Bastard. I never liked that guy. Hell, it was completely useless against Mr. Bright & Mr. Shine, since you can only damage the Mr. who was on the ground.


7) Ice Skating aka Ice/Cutter (Kirby 64)

This power reminds me of a joke by Dave Attell: "You're not gay if you watch the Ice Capades. You are if you say to someone 'SHH, I'm trying to watch the Ice Capades! Quiet!" Yeah, and this is coming from a ball of pink fluff that sucks things.

Sure I get to dash faster, but the only way to attack is if I jump. Even then, it's a terribly short ranged attack, and I'm more likely to hurt myself than any of the lame mooks in that game. Why could the Ice/Cutter combo create some kind of cooler weapon, like Ice Boomerangs, or an Ice Sword, or anything that doesn't involve awkward skating.

Let's move on before someone decides to question the sexual orientation of the already ill-defined sexes that exist within my universe.


6) Clean (Kirby's Dream Land 3)

I might be a childlike Star Warrior from beyond the stars, but I'm no immigrant. If there was a smudge to already flawed "Kirby's Dream Land 3," it would be the existence of this one f'ing power. Broom Hatter didn't deserve to get a copyable ability in my eyes. All of my abilities have a purpose, and this one was to obviously clean things. Of course, I was able to combine this ability to become slightly more useful with my six animal buddies.

They were still only used to clean dirt and the like. A feather duster isn't going to scare any Bronto Burts, I'll tell you that from experience. "Ooh, a plunger. Are you the gay Mario Brother?" Middle School was hell for me.


5) Stone Buddies aka Stone/Cutter (Kirby 64)

It's well known that Stone and Cutter are fairly good abilities, but combining them? Useless shout outs. I randomly carved myself into one of my six animal buddies from Kirby's Dream Land 3: Rick the Hamster, Coo the Owl, Kine the Fish, Nago the Cat, Pitch the Small Bird, and ChuChu the Pink Blob-Octopus-Thing.

Stone was well, Stone. Unlike the other games it appeared it, I was able to walk around in stone form, albeit very slowly while being unable to jump. The Stone Buddies ability just made it more awkward. For one thing, size mattered. If I became Pitch (the tiny bird), you were able to flutter for a few feet and then roll for a short time. But if I became Coo, then I was only able to fly a few inches off the ground. Kine was the useless one, as I could only turn left or right even if I was underwater!

Like the aforementioned Light bulb, its only purpose was to get to ONE Crystal Shard. I had to break the Stone/Cutter wall, and then wall jump to get to the shard. Only Rick could do this, and did I mention that there was a random chance that I would turn into one of the other 5 buddies?


4) Mini (Kirby & The Amazing Mirror)

Have I made it obvious that I'm not a fan of gimmicky abilities that are only useful to gain an insignificant amount of whatever collectible I need for the purpose of 100% completion? Mini is one of the worse ones of all.

Obviously, I shrink. That's it. I can't attack with it, can't call any helpers, can't even make anyone else smaller. Just shrink to the size of tiny cracks in walls to get to treasure chests. Thank Nova that this only appeared in one game.


3) Melting Ice Cube aka Ice/Burn (Kirby 64)

This was by far the worst combo in Kirby 64. With both Ice and Fire abilities being used to combo with other abilities, it was only logical that that the Ice/Fire combo would exist as well. What did we get?

STEAM! Yes, I manage to freeze myself into an ice cube, only to immediately thaw out. It had an incredibly short range, and it could only damage while I was thawing out. It was also the rarest combo in the game, with absolutely no purpose whatsoever. In fact, the only plausible area to try this ability out on was that pit with all of those helicopter blob things that exploded upon contact. Why they became Ice enemies in this game were beyond me.


2) Light (Kirby's Adventure)

Speaking of abilities that only appeared in one game, here's Light. If this sounds familiar to the Light bulb move earlier in this list, it is. It was only found in two levels in Kirby's Adventure, making it my equivalent of the Kuribo Shoe. The only thing it did? Light up a dark room to see the hidden door easier. Oh, and it's a one-time use ability as well, putting it in the same league as Crash, Paint and Cook.


1) Copy (Kirby Super Star)

Okay, what the hell was HAL smoking? I can already copy enemy abilities, thereby immediately causing its very conception to be one hell of a redundancy. It was just another damn excuse to give me a helper with my exact same power, not to mention the key to 100% completion in "Milky Way Wishes." It's found at the end of the level on a star that's in the middle of the galaxy. Fortunately for Kirby Super Star Ultra, it made the ??? level easier to spot. I found it by chance in the original game.

Like Light, it was ALSO a one-time use ability, except if I used the Copy beam on a normal enemy.

Lame, fairly useless, and redundant. The Holy Trinity of Kirby Crap.



That's it for my Contractually Obligated entry! Let's hope "The Man" gets back here soon.

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Two Oh Nine

It's one week into 2009 and I haven't written a new entry yet?! For shame, myself. For shame.

That's going to change right now.

Usually the start of a new year means Resolutions, goals, and/or predictions for the year to follow. I'm not one to make resolutions, because that would mean that I want to change something about myself. I'm already the World's Most Perfect Blogger™, as a trophy that sits on my computer desk proudly elaborates.

I also usually sum up the year that recently closed, month by month. But 2008 wasn't much of a good year for me, despite a few positives.

The year started without much fanfare, until February came along. A week before Valentine's Day, my girlfriend broke up with me. Via a text message no doubt.

Cue myself being a depressive wreck for the next five or so months. We've since mended our severed ties and become friends again around a month ago (we were friends before "taking it to the next level," if you will), so that's a plus there.

February was also important for two things: During the pledging process in my fraternity, I finally gained a Little Brother to call my own. Each pledge gets their own "Big Brother," their mentor/sponsor/guide for the whole process, and the bond usually sticks around after it's over. It was about time, since for a reason that I don't remember, I didn't get one the year before. But that's all forgotten now. I have my Little Brother and that's that.

Second, I launched this very blog at the end of February! I've amassed well over 100 posts, and I'm aiming for 100 more. Beaming for Bunnies was mostly launched due to my 50 Greatest Animated Villains of All Time list, to give the list a more...legitimate exposure. It has since been my most popular series of entries. If the search entries are true, it's also the most likely reason you found this blog in the first place.

For March, I turned 21 on the 23rd, which was Easter. Yeah, I'm going to skip explaining all the other stuff that happened this month as well. Aside from the fact that I finally procured my Wii, my $250 God-like Fun Machine.

April: Wrote my "Top 20 Muppet Show Moments" Entry.

May: Discovered Buffalo Wild Wings, which has become the only Chain restaurant that I actually want to go to on a regular basis. I also added the counter to the right.

We now come to one of my favorite months: June. It was the only month where I actually blogged daily with the "Things That Start With ___" Series. As such, it gave me my highest period of traffic ever. It was also helped by the fact that a Competitive Eating Blog had somehow found my entry for N, which enraged Competitive Eater "Beautiful Brian" Seiken. I didn't know about the CE site until a few months ago. The content within explained why he was so angry at me. Not to mention the reason why I never received the free sample of his CD that he promised to send me.

July & August weren't that eventful, sadly.

September is when I launched my second blog In 10 Words. Updated every weekday! Please go visit.

October: Halloween! I went as The Dude from "The Big Lebowski." I did it because three weeks prior, The Dude himself came to me in a dream and basically said "dress up like me for Halloween." I grew out a beard for the occasion, which I still have. I'm lazy about that whole "shaving" thing, and I'll probably be bored of it in a few months and shave it off.

November: I don't recall any elections going on during November 4th, even ones where someone important, intelligent, history-making, and articulate (for once) got elected. Must have slipped my mind. The next day, I went with a friend to see a taping of that night's Daily Show, which was awesome. I got to see both John Oliver & Jason Jones! Oh, and Jon Stewart is freaking tiny in real life. They also compensate by having the desk be low to the ground, so that helps.

I also posted the "A Very Dennis Thanksgiving Special," which was proved to actually be popular. The things that prevented me from making a Christmas Special were time and a lack of ideas. Yes, the process from thinking it up to actually posting it took five days, but I didn't have many ideas for the Christmas version. I also didn't have much time between school and work to actually work on it. I assure you all that I WILL make "A Very Dennis Christmas Special" a staple of the 2009 Christmas Season.

December: Christmas, whose season went by WAY too fast.


So that's my 2008. I'm fairly optimistic for 2009. In fact, I already accomplished one of my goals for this year: Try the "Blazin" sauce at Buffalo Wild Wings. It's the hottest sauce they've got, and I'll admit to the fact that I'll never try it again. It's not that the sauce was too hot. It was, it was the taste. I'm not a fan of sauces that are hot for heat's sake, and pretty much leave out the flavor. It could possibly be due to the fact that your tongue would have melted out of your mouth before it even bothered to register any other sensation to the taste buds.

I'll leave off with this note: If it burns going in, it'll burn just as much coming back out.