Laserbeak: "...and that's what I heard, Lord Megatron."
Megatron: "Excellent, excellent. The Keys of MacGuffin are very powerful indeed, and if this prophesy is true, I can use them to destroy this puny rock AND those accursed Autobots!"
Soundwave: "According to the prophesy, 'Doom will come the Man in Red.' Query indicates this being is Optimus Prime."
Megatron: "All the more reason to grab those keys. With them in our hand, Optimus' doom is all but assured. 'Hero so wise' indeed."
Starscream: "Seriously, Optimus this and Optimus that. He's all you seem to care about these days. Not unlike me, Lord Megatron, sir. You'll never get any satisfaction from him as you would from someone like I!"
Megatron: "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear any of that."
Thundercraker: "Well, uhh, do we even know what these keys look like? A-and what about Starscream? You know that traitor is gonna try anything in his power to take credit for everything and take your seat on the Decepticon throne."
Starscream: "You know I'm standing right next to you, you blathering pile of circuits! I don't care HOW attractive his seat is, you know damn well I'd never do anything to it without his consent!"
Megatron: "For the good of my sanity, I'll pretend I didn't hear that, either. And so what if we don't know what they'll look like? We've been on enough of these World Domination plots to know that things will show themselves to us if they don't want to die."
Megatron: "It just so happens that a few days ago, I took this map to their whereabouts from some Earthling that needed some good old Decepticon persuasion before he parted with it. They will be ours in no time!"
MEANWHILE, AT AUTOBOT HQ
Optimus: "Any luck deciphering that prophesy, Perceptor?"
Perceptor: "From what I can perceive, nothing so far other than what's written down."
Merv: "Hey, Optimus, how about you guys let us in on how this here prophesy's a goin'?
Optimus: "Holy fuck, was that today?! Umm, well, yes, well, WELCOME! Clapboard, Kirby, Windcharger, the rest! I want you to meet the Autobot team!"
Optimus: "This is Perceptor, our research expert and part-time medic."
Perceptor: "Salutations, Earthlings! I'm doing the best I can with this prophesy, it's a heck of a fascinating puzzle. Speaking of which, you creatures are quite fascinating as well, you know. I would be delighted to dissect one of you for my research!"
Clapboard: "I'd like to volunteer, please..."
Optimus: "This big guy right here is Seaspray, our Aquatics Guy. If there's a mission that's under, over, or on water, he's the one for the job!"
Seaspray: "That's about all, really. I mostly play cards with Aquaman and Shipwreck. I'd transform for you guys, but my transformation mechanism's on the fritz at the moment."
Merv: "That's awfully inconvenient."
Merv: "That's awfully inconvenient."
Optimus: "This here's Arcee. She's a speedster, and one hell of a sexy fighter!"
Arcee: "Don't touch me."
Optimus: "And you guys remember Prowl. He's our guy who upholds all that is righteous in the world. Also, he has guns mounted on his shoulders."
Prowl: "10-4, Good to see ya guys again! Prime, we need to do all we can to dispense some justice onto those despicable Decepticons."
Optimus: "You know damn well we do, good buddy. This mission's gonna be tough ever since I got stuck with the shittiest Autobot team in existence."
Optimus: "Well, let's face it. Besides me, who do we got?"
Optimus: "A microscope"
Optimus: "A hovercraft"
Optimus: "A girl"
Optimus: "And Prowl. But Prowl's awesome."
Optimus: "Prowl, you may not be Jazz or Ironhide, but dammit, you're the best Autobot anyone could ask for!"
Prowl: "Uh, thanks Prime. I guess."
Dennis: "You have us too, Optimus."
Optimus: "Well, you're right. We still got...whatever you guys are. What the hell are you guys, anyway?"
Merv: "Name's Merv. I like ta sell things. And I'm pretty sure I'm able ta fly, since I got these wings and all that."
Kirby: "I'm Kirby. I used to protect Dreamland from people who people who wanted to eat food, but now I'm an amateur voice actor on account of these headphones and all."
Clapboard: "You named me Clapboard, remember? I don't know why I'm here, all I know is that I'm some sort of hideous Mickey Mouse abominaton. I'm also the only one of out the group with working arms."
Clapboard: "Speaking of which, can I borrow your gun?"
Perceptor: "I would gladly hand it over, but this is just a giant microscope lens that's attached to my shoulder."
Dennis: "And despite what Optimus keeps saying, my name's Dennis. I wish we didn't have to do any of this. I mean, where on Earth are we going to find the Keys of MacGuffin, anyway?"
???: "Did someone say the Keys of MacGuffin?"
???: "Over here!"
Shyguy: "Boys, today's yer lucky day!"
Shyguy: "It just so happens that I have a map."
TO BE CONTINUED!