80's Cartoon Themes are...Unique

I've been doing some research for my upcoming "50 Greatest Animated Theme Songs" countdown when I stumbled upon this video of someone's Top 10 80's Cartoon theme songs:



It's basically "Nine 80's Shows You've Never Heard of...And Jem." You'd think that kind of video would feature the themes for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, GI Joe, Transformers, or Thundercats, but nope. Who ended up winning? Jayce & The Wheeled Warriors.

For those of you who think themselves as too important to watch a ten minute video, the rest of the themes are: Visionaries, Dinosaucers, SpiralZone, Mighty Orbots, Galaxy Rangers, M.A.S.K., Defenders of The Earth, Pole Position (seriously?!)...and Jem.

Looking at the info of the vid, the creator had picked his criteria on the theme song alone, and not the entire show itself, and I'll admit that I agree with him. I've noticed that theme songs from the 1980's had a unique trait not found in any other decade, which is that they could take the lamest premise ever and make them incredibly kickass. They made you PUMPED to watch the show, and you wouldn't care until fifteen minutes in that it sucked hard. I was quite surprised about how many of them were ripoffs of Thundercats, Masters of The Universe, and/or GI Joe.

"Dude, they're like GI Joe, only they drive vehicles that spit out smaller vehicles, and they wear MASKS!"

"Some of the GI Joes wear masks, too!"

"But it's the 80's, so they're going to wear big-assed square robot masks! Square, large and bulky is the future! No one is going to have electronics that are are small, curvy and practical."

"(sigh) Gnarly."

Take the first theme seen in the video, Visionaries. It was a show based around figures that looked like this:



Toys with holographic animals on their chests for no exact reason. But according to their theme song? Totally fucking nuts. The animals jump out of their chests and beat up...the bad guy's chest animals. I once knew a girl who had a chest animal, but I think it was just her excuse to not go out with me.

Then there was the seventh theme in the vid, Defenders of the Earth, who consisted of Flash Gordon, The Phantom, Mandrake the Magician, and Lothar The Token 80's Minority Guy along with four generic kids defending the Earth. They were all bound by their sense of justice, adventure, and the fact that they were all owned by King Features Syndicate and it was an easy way to exploit these unrelated characters. Robot Chicken righteously mocked the series by having them be part of a Neighborhood Watch Association, with their jurisdiction of "The Earth" only being their block.

As Lots of synthesizers, guitar riffs and F-list glam rock singers usually spruced up any 80's theme song. But in the decades beyond the 80's? If the show had a lame premise, the theme song quite reflected that.



There's also the fact that theme songs have been getting shorter and shorter to fit in more commercials. While I do despise this grim fact, there have been many an 80's cartoon whose theme had nearly a quarter to half of its run time devoted to exposition of the series. Not in song or in tune, either. Someone just speaks the premise of the show and throwing off the entire groove of the song. This is all because the main plot, if there was any, wasn't going to devote any of their own damn time to do it. They just wanted you to see which character or accessory was blandly animated that week and persuaded you to beg your parents to buy it.

I don't think any of those themes will show up for my list. Maybe Jem. But that's pushing it.

To-Do List for Summer: '09 Edition!

It's the beginning of June, so you know what that means? No, Billy, not that. Nor that. CERTAINLY not that. Jeez, where did you learn that language?

Anyways, it's June, and Long Island just hit the first day with 88% humidity, so that means it's Summer! And with summer, comes time to do stuff! I know, I know, I've been slacking on this blog lately (but not this one), but that's going to change. To be sure that I'm serious, I really mean it this time!

If you all remember last year, I had spent all of June writing an entry a day about all the letters of the alphabet. Will I do a part 2 this time? The answer is "hell no." It took me ages to think up subjects to begin with, let alone elaborate on. Especially on words that start with Q, which to this day remains the most likely way people find this blog. So many people wanting to read about Quisp, so little time. The other thing I did at the beginning of the summer (eg, Early May) was create my now-annual To-Do List for Summer, of which I was able to complete...most of the items. But this is 2009, and since we're currently in Early June, well into the College Summer season, I'm happy to say that I've completed three of my objectives!

This years list:

-Graduate College. Done! Obviously, I talked about that in the previous entry. It still feels weird to be "done," and I'll admit, I'm a bit unsure about this whole "rest of my life" business.

-Go to an Amusement Park. A few weeks ago, I went to Six Flags: Great Adventure in NJ once again, and I had good times. It was the Friday before Memorial Day, a sure bet for an easy day at the park, as I had done a similar trip on that day two years back. That trip might've benefited from the rainstorm earlier in the morning, as the sun was out in full force this time, which had everyone in the whole damn state say "Hey, it's sunny, let's all go to Six Flags at the same time!" Jeesh, you'd think it was June with that crowd.

Rides worth waiting for: El Toro, Nitro, Batman, Kingda Ka.
Rides Not: Umm...Just about everything else. I'd comment on Bizarro, the newly repainted & re-themed Medusa (which was awesome), but it wasn't open yet.

The one I really want to go to is Cedar Point in Ohio, but no plans have emerged yet.

-Go to a Yankees game. Did that on May 20th with about 9 other people from my CVS job, their home game facing the Baltimore Orioles. It was one hell of a game to go to, as my beloved Yanks shut the birds out 11-4. I sat in the left-center bleachers and I have to tell you, the cheap seats give you a pretty good view. It was sort of a shame that we weren't sitting in the right-center bleachers or center field since that's where EVERY BALL EVER HIT went to. I later found out that the new Yankee Stadium was built to do this. Sneaky, Yanks, and the whole architecture seemed to scream "Looks swanky enough to justify the price gouging." Mmm...$9 Bud Lights.

-See the following movies: Up and Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen. These are my two "Must See" flicks for the summer, and as indicated in my previous entry, Up was pretty awesome. As for Transformers, I had my doubts, like who was returning, who wasn't, was Soundwave going to be in it? I nerdgasmed on my laptop when I found this latest trailer:



Holy. Shit. Ok, you got me, Michael Bay, I'm officially pumped for this. That big red...giant thing in the desert? That's Devastator, bitch. Sure, I was quite fanboyishly pissed that they switched around all the vehicles for this version, as if Long Haul, the one that transformed into a dump truck in the G1 version and served as the crotch, finally complained about his position in the organization and Bay complied by making him an arm. But sadly, equilibrium and the laws of physics make the thing look much more awkward, as Long Haul and one of the Constructicons that served as one of the legs are now one of the arms and vice versa with the smaller arms now being legs, giving him too much upper body weight with little leg support, much like how Kirstie Alley moves around now. Okay, I'll stand corrected if the reason why Devastator is pissed is because of this situation and realizing that combining wasn't such a great idea. Because that sounds hilarious.

By the way, "The Fallen" doesn't refer to Megatron (although he is returning), but the actual transformer referred to as The Fallen. In the grand lore of Transformers, he was one of the original 13 transformers created by Primus (whose alt mode is Cybertron itself), but went rogue by siding with Unicron, Primus's planet eating monster evil-twin. I don't wanna reveal much else, but I'm counting down to June 24th.

-Watch all the DVDs I haven't gotten around to watching yet. Which is a lot of them, sadly including Venture Bros: Season 3.

-Go to American Roadside Burger and get my name on the wall. Now, American Roadside Burger is a little place in Smithtown, NY that is known for good, cheap, burgers with free fixins. That's 4 for 4 in my book right there, but there's more. They have what's known as a "Roadstar," a cheeseburger with 4 patties and if you finish it, you get your name on their Wall of Fame. I'm no stranger to Eating challenges, but I hear that this one's not tough at all. As it turns out, their patties are roughly the same width as a normal McDonald's burger, but, you know...made with actual meat, so this means that eating four at once should be no problem at all. Some of my fellow fraternity brothers have their names up there already, with one claiming to have done it six times. If that little midget could do it, dammit, so could I!

-Blog some more. Doing that right now! And later on, so stay tuned!

Some Thoughts in Μy Head

1. As of this past Tuesday, I am now a College Graduate. Four years in College and a lifetime in school are finally over. It's quite a strange feeling, I'm still not grasping the situation of "I'm done." The outside world, "Real Life" is a strange, strange place that I don't wanna dip my toes into just yet. To answer any immediate questions: Major was Psychology, final GPA was 3.24, not going to Grad School, don't know what kind of "real" job I'm going to do now. Anyone hiring a snarky pop culture blogger/ten-word summarizer? I think Jimmy Fallon needs some humor. Then again, late-night shows in general that don't have "Jon Stewart" or "Colbert" in their names tend to employ writers of the burnt-out variety. I keep watching these shows and I keep thinking "I could write better crap than that!"

When I came home that Tuesday night, look what I found laying on my table:



Hmm...a large, present-shaped box. I wonder what's inside...



OMG a Lappy to call my own! In the 4 days I've had it, I loaded up AIM and Firefox and now Lappy seems to have replaced my old Compy desktop. Seriously, that thing is OLD. As in, it had Windows ME when I got it (to y'all that aren't familiar with that one, it makes Vista look like XP, or to the laypeople, instead of freezing or locking up that it did now, any wrong move got me the Blue Screen of Death™). As such, it's a good 50x faster, especially here on Blogger. No more waiting forever to post entries here!

2. Speaking of In 10 Words, my other blog, I spent the last 2 weeks summarizing all 10 movies produced by Pixar, ending with today's entry, Up after seeing it earlier today. My longer-than-10-word summary: It's great, and if you have the chance to, see it in 3D. Sure, some of the colors may be a bit lost, but that factor is minor at best. The breathtaking visuals are made even more awesome by the 3D, especially during any scene in the air (which, for a movie called Up, is about 85% of the movie). The first 15 minutes set up Carl's (Ed Asner) relationship with his late wife Ellie, incredibly sweet and touching and gives ample motivation for Carl to initiate his adventure. There was plenty more heartwarming moments in the movie (many calling back to the initial sequence), along with genuine humor (a lesser movie would've had a field day giving unnecessary bathroom humor from Russel and Dug, but thankfully doesn't happen!), action, charm and heart. Yeah, it's VERY rare these days to use the words "charm" and "heart" to unironically describe an animated movie. Sure, it's not as balls to the wall action and OMG TEH AWESOMENESS like past Pixar flicks like The Incredibles, but it's not trying to be. The pacing just seemed...right. It didn't need 2 hours to tell the story, no real complex twists or annoying characters at all, and it all seemed (gasp) realistic while being immersed in the fantastic.

A friend of my buddy Steve had told him that Up seemed the most outlandish of all of Pixar's movies. A story of an old Widower and plucky Wilderness Explorer lift a house off the ground by balloons to travel to South America to meet a giant Bird and dogs that can talk via special collars is less believable than toys that talk and move when we're not around (three times!), talking ants and bugs that are circus folk battling grasshoppers, Monsters that live in a world powered by the screams and laughter of children, superheroes living in a PG Watchmen world, talking fish swimming the ocean and surviving sharks, bombs, whales and sewer drains, a talking rat that can cook and can control a human by tugging his hair, sentient cars that live in a world populated by other sentient cars, and a robot living in a post-apocalyptic Earth ravaged by pollution & consumerism that travels into space to find a colony of extremely fat humans. Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. If anything, the only plot points that I had thoughts about was Russel's backstory with his parents, and why exactly caused Muntz to put translation collars on his dogs (Speaking of dogs, if you thought Dug was funny, Alpha's voice was the subject of lots of genuine laughs). And these thoughts occurred to me AFTER I left the theater!

For those of you looking for the obligatory Pixar shoutouts: John Ratzenberger appears about 15 minutes into the movie as the Foreman who talks to Carl about moving out of his house. The Pizza Planet Truck is tricky to spot, it can be seen in a tiny form on the ground getting out of a space in a city during the sequence where Russel is dangling from the House via a blanket rope.

3. And then there were the trailers before the flick. Of course, they continued the tradition of showing the teaser to next year's movie, with 2010's finally being Toy Story 3! Sure, it's another sequel...but to Toy Story! But it's a second sequel...but it's following Toy Story 2! Whether that last part elicits a "!" or a "..." will be known on 6/18/10.

Aside from other crap, there was the trailer for G-Force. If you're thinking that it referred to the version known as Battle of The Planets, be prepared to be very, very, very disappointed.



It honestly looks more like a live-action "Chip n Dale's Rescue Rangers" movie, which isn't a bad idea in itself, but by the looks of things, I don't have any high hopes for this. They have a Chip (the Guinea Pig played by Nicholas Cage), a Dale (the one voiced by Tracy Morgan), a Gadget (the Penelope Cruz one, managing to give off some fanservice for the furries out there), a Monterey Jack (the Mole played by Steve Buscemi), even a Zipper (the fly)! And there an special organization that's trying to stop a mad scientist to destroy the world...Yeah, that's Rescue Rangers.

4. Girafarig would've been an unstoppable Pokemon had it been a member of the original 151. It was a Normal/Psychic type, which meant it was immune to Ghost attacks, one of only 2 types it was weak against back then, and Ghost and Bug attack were few as well as being notable for sucking hard. Then there was the absolute broken-ness of Psychic types in the first Generation, it would've been annoying to fight against.

5. People have been asking me "Galileo, what's your next epic?" after I finally completed my "50 Greatest Animated Villains of All Time" countdown back in October. For one thing, I'm already in the middle of writing more entries in my "Soundtracks for Summer" series, but I know you mean if I'm going to write another massive countdown. Well, you'd be right, I'm officially announcing that I've got another countdown in the making: The 50 Greatest Animated Theme Songs. It's a list that's been done a few times, but usually it's in the vein of "Best Theme Songs in all Genres," "Best Anime Themes," "Best [Insert Decade Here] Theme Songs," and the like. 50 is a good, clean, even number, and I can rattle off quite few right now. But in the interest of space an possible spoilerage, I wont. If you have any suggestions for either list, pop me either a comment here or an email at beamingforbunnies@gmail.com


That's some of the stuff that's been going through my head right now that I needed to type down.





6. Oh, by the way, Billy Mays won the "March Madness Infomercial Pitchman" tournament. It's a shame that such an epic match couldn't be blogged. It all came down to him and William Shatner for the Title. Lots of beard were thrown, plenty of slogans were yelled, and words were overacted before Shatner was finally imprisoned on Ceti Alpha V along with the corpse of Ricardo Montalban by Billy. Here's how he celebrated:

Simpsons Scene It: Possibility?

You've heard of Scene It?, right?



That kickass trivia game that you play via DVDs and stuff? And much like its predecessor, Trivial Pursuit, there are about a good 5,000 different themes for it, like TV, Movies, Disney, Star Wars, Star Trek, Nickelodeon, Harry Potter, Seinfeld, Friends, Dr. Who, James Bond, Marvel, WB, Sports, SNL, etc. The one common thing that ties them all together? Eventually, we all get bored of using the game board and the pie pieces and just start asking each other questions, category colors be damned.

But with all of these different versions, there's one TV show that has yet to receive the Scene It? Love: The Simpsons.

Yeah, you heard me. I bet you're just as shocked as I am. But why no Simpsons edition? I mean, in its 20+ year history, the cartoon's been adapted into just about every game in existence:

-Monopoly (Normal & Treehouse of Horror versions)
-Clue
-The Game of Life
-Wheel of Fortune
-Jeopardy
-Uno (Normal & THoH)
-Operation
-Scrabble
-20Q
-Sorry!
-Triazzle (whatever the hell that is)

It seems the only other board games it HASN'T been adapted into are Candyland, Hungry Hungry Hippos, Battleship, and Guess Who? And the thing about all of those is: ALL FOUR OF THOSE GAMES ARE PERFECTLY PLAUSIBLE.

Hungry Hungry Hippos? Self-explanatory: The hippos become Homer heads, and the marbles are all pink to represent donuts.

Candyland? Homer's "The Land of Chocolate" daydream from "Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk" could work quite well here.

Guess Who? Simple: Every talking head is now a Simpsons character. (GET ON THIS ONE RIGHT NOW, FOX!!)

Battleship? Now this one can be fun. The ships are now the following: Capt. McCallister's (aka The Sea Captain) Ship, Mr. Burns's Gone Fission II, the nuclear sub that Homer & crew piloted in "Simpson Tide," The raft that Homer, Bart, Todd and Flanders drifted on in "Boy Scoutz in Da Hood," the ship used by the Navy to blow up MAD Magazine, and for good measure, include the S.S. Antarctica.

But why has it taken this long before someone asked why there's no Simpsons version of Scene It? I only have one theory: Everything other show & movie franchise that's already been adapted are finite, they've all concluded in one manner or another. The Simpsons, however, are three episodes away from ending their 20th season, with at least 2 more on its way. Its fate would match the ones of the other Simpsons trivia games/calendars that would come before it: It would be obsolete as soon as it would be released. Sure, we'd have our game, but then the NEXT season would air and then we'd be left with one season's worth of trivia missing outside of the family huddled around the warmth of the DVR.

But just for kicks and giggles, lemme check Amazon one more time to show that it's everyone else that's going nuts:

(click)

(Release Date: August 1, 2009. For realz, yo.)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where Did I Go?

That's a good question, Me. Seems like the last entry was on April 10th, and a rerun at that. I can explain:



Okay, so I won't go as far as blaming Swine Flu, but there's really no excuse to why I've been neglecting this blog. It's mostly the fact that my time has been consumed by end-of-the-semester schoolwork. College work pretty much sucks, but the good news is that I've got about two weeks to go before I am done with it forever! I'm accomplishing the rarity of actually graduating from college in 4 years. I don't know how I did it, either.

There's also the issue of completing the March Madness series, which only had 2 more entries to go. Despite it being May and the real March Madness being over for a long time, I promise to get the next part up asap. It just seemed that I stopped being motivated from writing it due to a snag in my original vision for it: I designed it for fan participation, but it's not fun when no one enters. Is there some kind of reverse psychology that works with blogs? Every single blog I've read that asks questions or raise topics for reader comments, THEY GET THEM. Not so much with me. It seems that whenever I ask for readers for ideas, comments, or help on entries, it just manages to drive you away.

It's just words on a website, you're not deciding the fate of the planet if you want William Shatner to beat Dennis Haysbert. I'm not Matt, I can't just leave for a month and have a legion of fans run the site without me, posting whenever I'm going to finish X entry. (And believe me, I've got plenty of X entries that are currently orphaned)

But for those of you who know me are aware that I haven't been 100% neglectful to blogging. I still update In 10 Words every weekday. Maybe it's the fact that writing 10 words a day can leave me unmotivated to write anything longer than a paragraph these days. But I assure you all that all that's going to change.

I'll start by updating you of what I've been up to since I last posted:

-Got into a bad car accident. Roughly the same week as I posted the previous entry, I got into a rear-ender. You know that cop car that blocks the left lane on a highway to block the construction that follows it? Yeah, I rear-ended that. Complete miracle that I was fine, and the cop car was unharmed. It's my car that got the worst of it, and is STILL in the shop as of this writing. I just have a rental that's actually a newer model (a black 2007 Toyota Carolla as opposed to my silver 2003 one) until then.

-Joined the iPod culture! Sure, I only got a shuffle, but it's still an iPod. Kinda. I won it from Dave & Buster's for the mere price of 15,000 tickets, yay me. 3/4 full, it has all 12 of Weird Al Yankovic's Albums, 2 Ramones best-of CDs, Saturday Morning Cartoon's Greatest Hits (a CD of classic cartoon theme songs covered by 90s rock groups) and the Beastie Boys. Not an unusual combination if you read this blog as often as I do.

-Made a friend with a Japanese blogger. He blogs at Tokyo 5 on Wordpress, and found In 10 Words a few weeks ago. And, of course, when I think Japan, I think of this:






Turns out I'm mostly right. The last picture was an actual picture on his blog. Sadly, he's only an American transplant who started a family and blog in Japan, and is into KISS. Close enough for me.

So that's about it for me. Yeah, I'm fully aware that my life isn't as glamorous as this blog makes it out to be. I try to give something extra about this place as compensation.

The Game of Lent!

A good two years ago when I was still blogging on myspace, I set up my own personal goal for Lent: To go around Long Island and try the Fish Sandwiches at every Fast Food chain. For those of you are are NOT Gentiles or simply don't know what the hell Lent is (I have a loose grasp of it myself), is that in the 40-day period between Ash Wednesday & Easter, you can't eat meat on Fridays, and everyone usually eats fish instead. Unless they forget.

Basically when this season rolls around, many of the meat favoring fast food chains deck out special Fish sandwiches that are only available during this brief window of time. The only three ingredients of a fast food fish sandwich is the fish itself (usually haddock of something), tartar sauce (a nice compliment), lettuce (gotta have your greens), and sometimes cheese (just 'cause).

Fortunately, my dear readers, I managed to complete this quest in the alotted time, with a week to spare! Here, in my rewritten original words, is how they all weighed in (w/pics borrowed from Flickr):


1) McDonald's - Filet-o-Fish (regular & Double)



We start the list off with the reason why fish sandwiches are around in the first place: McD's Filet-O-Fish. Created for the Lent season after the failure of the Hula Burger (a slice of pineapple sandwich with cheese), it is one of the most popular sandwiches McDs has to offer. It's also the one sandwich I've eaten at the most. Taste-wise, it's alright, you can really taste the fish, the cheese as well as the globs of tartar sauce on it.

Through some whim, I've also once eaten the Double that they offered at the time, and it's basically the same, but with another patty. It's one of my favorites, and it doesn't give me that "I'm gonna die!" feeling that most of the other stuff McDs offers gives me. Strangely, it's one of 2 Fish Sandwiches that did not come with lettuce and came with cheese (the other is White Castle's)


2) Wendy's - Fish Sandwich



This is the sandwich that inspired me to create this challenge in the first place. Taste-wise, its OK, it was crispy, and the lettuce that was on it was a bit limp and moist, but it was OK, but not as good as the Filet-o-Fish.


3) White Castle - Fish w/Cheese



Ah yes, the Legendary White Castle. The smallest (1/2 the size of an index card), and the cheapest ($1.25). I've told several people that White Castle is an acquired taste, and this one could either be the best sandwich, or the grossest. Fortunately, I'm in the party that loves this, and I thought that it was great. Besides being one of 2 sandwiches that includes cheese and does not have lettuce, it also does not include tartar sauce (you have to put it on yourself). It has good taste, and you're better off eating it if it's the first in a series of WC sandwiches you get (impossible to have just one, as I mentioned before).


4) KFC - Fish Snacker



Ah, another newcomer to the fast food world, the KFC Fish Snacker! Depending on which KFC you go, the price can range from 99 cents to 1.50 (saw it in NYC) I, getting it in a mall, had to pay $1.39 for it. There's a reason why it's called the "Snacker", since the sandwich in the pic above is the actual size. I'm just kidding, but it is small, roughly the size of 3 White Castle burgers. I have to say, it was alright, not the best, not to worst (I'll get to that one in a moment), but I can see why The Pope wouldn't bless it.


5) Burger King - Spicy Big Fish



Here we come to one of Burger King's 2 fish sandwich offerings of the BK Big Fish. I had the spicy version, and man...BK is evil. They do mean that it is the "Big" Fish, as it is the biggest regular-sized sandwich that I had on the whole quest. They trick you into thinking that when you're eating it that it's OK to eat it, and that it tastes OK with the lettuce & spicy tartar sauce. And then the aftertaste...ick, I can still taste the low tide feeling in my mouth now. You know how some saltwater places like a bay or the ocean smells during low tide? Well, that's how the Big Fish sandwich tasted and it made me nauseous for the rest of the day and it almost derailed my quest just a week into officially doing it.


6) Long John Silvers - Classic Fish Sandwich



Ugh, I gotta cleanse the palate a little bit. Now we come to a rarity in these parts, a Long John Silvers! The one I went to, pictured above was only non co-branded one on Long Island, and coincidentally, it was directly on the other side of Sunrise Highway of my college, St. Joseph's in Patchogue. All my life, I kept wondering how that place stayed in business, only to have it close roughly six months after eating there.

If I can say this about LJS: It's something worth trying once. When I ate it, I thought it was pretty good, top tier, but not the best. Size-wise, it's the 3rd smallest, if this sandwich's lenght was measured in White Castle Bugers, this would be 4 WCs long.


7) Checkers (Fish Sandwich & Deep Sea Double)



Now we come to what I think is the best of the bunch: Checkers! There's the regular fish sandwich and there's the Deep Sea Double, the version pictured above. Hmm, I don't remember there being cheese on it, but then again, I did have that them a few weeks ago...freaking glamour shots, discombobulating me. Either way, both of them have the same stuff, tartar sauce, lettuce, (possibly cheese), and the sandwich overall tastes great. And the Double is...double good? (Edit: Turns out that this pic is indeed the Deep Sea Double and yes, I do remember Cheese being on it. Still awesome, though)


8) Checkers - Fish Screamer
Hmm, yes, it seems that Checkers made a 3rd Fish Sandwich at the time, the Fish Screamer to compliment their Chicken version for their montly promotion. There is actually a difference between the ones I just reviewed: The fish patty itself is great as always, and besides lettuce, it actually has mayo, onions, and pickles. Taste-wise..same good patty, but with all the fixin's, its taste eerily resembles the Filet-o-Fish.


9) Nathans - Fish Sandwich

(No obtainable pic found)

Here's an oversight I never noticed: Nathan's offers a fish sandwich too. I'll also admit, I cheated a bit and found it not on LI, but in Penn Station. Sure, I have yet to go to a Nathans in recent memory that was NOT co-branded with an Arthur Treacher's (I'll get to that in a bit), but I know they're out there. Very peculiar, as it is Triangular shaped, but nonetheless, it was pretty average compared to the rest. Since it was in Penn Station, It was also the only sandwich that I had access to the legendary Roy Rogers Fixin's Bar, despite already being served with lettuce, tartar sauce, and a tomato slice. It was good already, but with the fixins, it was made better. I can see why not many Nathans carry this, the ones that are co-branded would make having this seem redundant.


10) Arthur Treacher's Fish & Chips - Fish Sandwich



Another obscure chain, this primarily Fish & Chips fast food place had recently been absorbed by Nathan's and are usually co-branded with them (I've heard stories about one co-branded with a Pudgies. Freaky). Look-wise, it's not much different from Nathan's, it's triangular shaped, but there is the difference that it was fried with batter, instead of being breaded like Nathan's is. There's tartar sauce & lettuce here, and it made the sandwich taste good, but the fish itself could barely be tasted on account of all the sauce on it. I know this is making you hungry reading this, right? Didn't think so.


And we come to our conclusion. There were also A&W and Roy Rogers chains on the Island, but they weren't covered, and I offer this explanation to you: I tried, I really did.

I searched the only A&W within driving distance of myself to find that is was co-branded with KFC, so it basically meant no Fish Sandwich, or anything else A&W-related for matter save for the root beer from a tap of all things. I did manage to read the website, which stated it was only going to be offered at "Select Locations" which I guess didn't mean the ones on LI, but rather an actual full-blooded A&W place, which around here...there are none. Roy Rogers, on the other hand, I managed to find 3: 2 in Penn Plaza in NYC, and one out in Shirley. None of them had the Fish Sandwich, or any evidence of ever having it. The only time I ever saw them mention it was as a news blurb on their poorly-designed website. (clicking on anything leads you to a blank page)

Still, with 11 different sandwiches in the span of around a month, I considered the quest a success, and I'm probably not going to ever eat at many of these places again.

If I had to rank them, they would be this:

1) Checkers (Fish Sandwich & Deep Sea Double)
2) Checkers (Fish Screamer)
3) McDs (Regular & Double Filet-O-Fish)
4) Long John Silvers,White Castle, Wendy's
5) KFC, Nathan's
6) Arthur Treacher's
Last) Burger King. Yes, it's that bad, don't go there. Period. Colon: Exclamation Mark!

Commercials I Like at The Moment

You may not realize this, but I watch an ungodly amount of TV. I'm one of those people who look at those studies that the average person watches 8 hours of TV a day and think "pussies." And of course, every once in a while there are a few ads that catch my eye, whether they be gut-wrenching horrible or actually quite funny. I've talked about a few before, but I felt like sticking a few current memorable commercials in one spot:



The current ad for McDonald's Filet-o-Fish, just in time for what's left of Lent. It combines three things that make a great food ad: A pissed off friend, a catchy jingle, and a random pop culture reference. We finally got some damn use from one of those "Big Mouth Billy Basses" from the late 90's (with dozens of doppelgangers), and its execution is quite, dare I say it, inspired. I'm a lifetime fan of McDonald's commercials and I'll honestly say that this has been one of their best ads in YEARS.




Not to be outdone, Burger King, the other side of the fast food coin, recently released what is bound to be a classic in its own right. It's been a long time since their ads for their happy meal ripoffs had been successful, but I think they're finally on to something. For Spongebob's sake, this is a classic case of "Why the hell didn't they think of this sooner?!" as Mr. Squarepants has been around for roughly 9 years and the idea to combine him with a Sir Mix-a-Lot "I Like Big Butts" parody was never realized...until now. They even had the gall to put The King into this, and for once he's not the creepiest thing about this ad!




Adding one more combo to the mix, Six Flags recently combined their "More Flags! More Fun!" campaign with the Shouting Asian Stereotype with Mr. Six, the dancing Old Guy. It wouldn't be so bad due to the return of everyone's favorite geriatric dancer, but they had the nerve to give him a VOICE. Gaah! The voice does not match the prosthetic makeup job at all! I'm sure that this is all revenge against me when I had him lose to Billy Mays in the first round of my Infomercial Pitchman Tourney by having Billy turn him into Al Roker.

BTW, the vid is for Magic Mountain, so please don't assume I live anywhere near that shithole. My home Six Flags park is Great Adventure in Jersey. They at least have one of the buses that they used in the ads!


Are there any recent ads that you love/get your blood boiling?

The Cure for March Madness: Week 3

Another week of great March Madness matches. Yes, we're currently in April, but that's how brutal this competition has been going!

Week 1 can be found here, and with it, the original bracket.
Week 2 action is here.

We're now down to the Elite 8! Let's see how the matchups went in this exciting week!


Division I

1. Billy Mays vs Wilford Brimley

With the clock counting down until the final judgment, Billy found himself in quite a pickle: he was out of OxiClean and Wilford had managed to slash off a good portion of his beard and had used the distraction to charge his Diabeetus eye Beams. In a lucky break, Billy discovered that bottles of Kaboom!™ were immune to the 'beetus and used it to reflect the beams back into Wilford's own mind.

In his head, Diabeetus is eradicated and he claimed himself as the victor. It's a shame that his body told a different story, hunched dead on the ground, choking on some Mighty Putty.


2. Suzanne Somers vs Mr. T.

During a heated "when's the last time you got work" discussion, Mr. T just about had it with Miss Tighmaster and summoned the spirits of the dead careers of his fellow A-Team companions to lift Suzanne to Rerun Hell where she belongs and is forced to be the roommate of Desi Arnaz and what's left of Tim Allen for the rest of eternity.


Division II

3. Ron Popeil vs Denis Haysbert

In quite the stunning upset, Denis managed to defeat Mr. Popeil by tricking him into crawling into his own Showtime Rotisserie Oven, in which he was simply set and forgotten. Just like Battlestar Galactica!


4. Sam Waterston vs William Shatner

Sam's squadron of killer pill popping robots were no match for the former Capt. Kirk, whom he quickly sexed to death to get to Sam himself, where he promptly used Priceline to find the pipe used to make that "donk donk" sound effect on Law & Order, and drove the metal bastard straight through Sam's temple.


Damn is the only thing I have to say about that. We're in the home stretch, The Final 4!

Next week's matchups:

1. Billy Mays vs Mr. T

2. Denis Haysbert vs William Shatner


All I know is my overall bracket is toast. How about yours? Who do you want to win? Submit your winners either through the comments or via email at beamingforbunnies@gmail.com.

I would've made an updated bracket, not to mention funnier entries, but it's 3am and I'm tired as hell. See y'all next week!

The Cure for March Madness: Week 2

Wow, it's been a crazy week, hasn't it? So much so that not one person has been pinned down enough to put in some votes or brackets for the Tourney! But that's no matter, I think I know how it's gonna go down.

Want to see the original bracket? Scroll down or click the link to the right to take you to the previous posts.

Let's see the results of the first week of matchups:

Division I

1. Billy Mays vs. Mr. Six

It seemed that Mr. Six had the upper hand in the first quarter when he taunted Billy with his dancing and suggestive nature towards going to Great Adventure to ride Medusa, but he was quickly taken out when Billy poured a concoction of OxyClean, Kaboom and OrangeGlo onto his face, rendering him into his true form: Al Roker.


2. Wilford Brimley vs Matthew Lesko

The Free Money riddles of Matthew Lesko proved to be no match for Wilford's glazed eyes, which are known to shoot deadly beams of Diabeetus into one's mind.


3. John Basedow vs Suzanne Somers

In a stunning upset, John Basedow was found with a tighmaster (along with his actual thighs) driven straight through his collarbone.


4. Vince vs Mr. T.

It seemed that Mr. T had pitied one too many fools this time as Vince had caught him off guard to "pay attention to his nuts," nearly Slap Chopping his Mohawk and managed to leave no mess behind to boot. All seemed lost for Mr. T until Vince was disqualified after being arrested for beating up a Prostitute. Cue legitimate pitying of fool.



Division II

5. Ron Popeil vs David Oreck

Quite an easy win for Ron, as David was pinned down by his own Eight Pound Vacuum cleaner after forgetting after apparently setting it. But wait, that's not all: Ron even had the damn gall to send a Pocket Fisherman down Oreck's air purifier.


6. Chef Tony vs Denis Haysbert

Sure, wielding about 29 different knives would seem intimidating to anyone, except that Tony didn't count on one thing: Denis calling in his old buddy Jack Bauer to put an end to him, and Chef Tony now permanently remains in Ron Popeil's shadow. How Jack managed to pull it off, I have no clue, but Jack Bauer doesn't need a damn explanation. For you see, he's running out of time.


7. Sam Waterston vs The Magic Bullet Cast

Sam Waterston vs a bunch of hungover drunks and Aussie seemed to be one hell of a battle. Wave after wave of drunken brawls and vomit persisted for several hours until the unthinkable occurred: Robots arrived to destroy the remaining cast of the Magic bullet when it mistook the usage of the titular product as someone harming its child.


8. Jack LaLanne vs William Shatner

The World's Most Fit Old Person and Capt. Kirk: Who would win? Sadly, Shatner's phaser was accidentally not set to stun, and Jack, confused by the direct hit, stumbled into his Power Juicer and became part of a complete breakfast.



Lots of good battles, and it's looking better now that we're in the Elite 8.

1. Billy Mays vs Wilford Brimley
2. Suzanne Somers vs Mr. T

3. Ron Popeil vs Denis Haysbert
4. Sam Waterston vs William Shatner


If you want to vote for who moves on, vote in the comments or at beamingforbunnies@gmail.com from now until Friday, April 3rd. See y'all next time!

The Cure for March Madness

As some of my sports-oriented buddies are well-aware of, last night kicked off the NCAA College Basketball Tournament, mostly known as that yearly disease "March Madness." The Final Four, The Elite Eight, The Sweet Sixteen, The...Tolerable Thirty-two. There's only two things that I know for certain for this thing: I honestly think Duke sucks (you can chalk that up to me being a Farker for the last 6 or so years), and I know nothing of College basketball beyond that.

With that in mind, I've decided to create my own tournament. With blackjack. And hookers. Okay, maybe not those latter two things, but I won't rule anything out. Instead of (yawn) College Basketball, how about a battle that we can all get behind:

Who is the best infomercial pitchman? Which ones deserve to be given the title of being able to talk anyone into buying anything, and who just plain needs to leave this Earth right now? Thanks to my crack team of researchers, statistics of past performances, and a few cans of Red Bull, I have managed to successfully seed and organize a bracket of the 16 competitors that have earned the right to get to this point.


(click to embiggen)

If you can't make it out, here is the Sweet Sixteen of Infomercials:


Billy Mays


He's shilled everything from Mighty Putty to Health Insurance, all without knowing the meaning of the word "Whisper."


Ron Popeil


Like Billy, he really doesn't need an introduction, but he's the King of Infomercials. The Pocket Fisherman, Mr. Microphone, the Food Dehydrator, the Food Rehydrator, the Solid Flavor Injector, The "Set It & Forget It" Rotisserie Oven, and the technology to keep human heads alive in jars. All him. But wait, that's not all!


Chef Tony


He's a partner in crime to Mr. Popeil, and is usually here to shill Ron's 85 piece cutlery set. I don't know when I'll ever need knives that are able to cut down shoes, bricks, and a tomato in the same sitting, but I thank him for selling it.


David Oreck


He's the self-spokesman of his titular Oreck vacuums. The guy's like 90 and yet he's still around, speaking to wonders of a vacuum cleaner that weighs only eight pounds! But no, that's not enough for lil ol Dave. Now he also sells a air purifier...which also weighs just eight pounds!


Matthew Lesko


In a probable universe, he could be seen as The Riddler, or at least some sociopathic stalker who inspired the character. He mostly appears on network tv late at night chasing senators about his book about getting FREE MONEY from the Government!


Vince


I really don't like that guy, but since there's no specific person selling the Snugiee, he made it onto the roster for acting like a total douchebag towards the ShamWOW. You could tell it's a waste of money due to "sham" being in its name. It's one of those Cinderella stories, I guess.


Suzanne Somers


Ms. Suzanne is famous for being on Three's Company as well as her Tighmaster ads. Yum. (Also, well-aware that her last name is misspelled on the bracket)


John Basedow


The "Fitness Made Simple" Guy! Apparently he's got one hell of a cult following for just wearing a muscle shirt and implying that fitness is probably as not as simple as he says it is.


Jack LaLanne


He, like Ron Popeil, was filming infomercials before they were cool, if they ever were in the first place. He's quite famous for being the most physically fit 95 year old man that ever lived as well as the juicer that bears his name. He may be in his 90's and a good five feet tall, but he'll be able to kick any of our sorry asses if we didn't agree to pay for 5 juicers AND keep the free gift!


The Magic Bullet


The only ensemble in the tourney, it's not just the two hosts, its the hungover partygoers who are treated to breakfast and an incredibly stupid ad. The fat guy is one of those Funny Alcholics, one of the ladies is the real-life version of Lunchlady Doris and all they want is something to dull the pain but instead they can't eat until they know for sure that there's 5 funtastic colors to decorate the lid with.


Wilford Brimley


He's teaching us all about the dangers of Diabeetus and how he and his mustache wish to provide some help with coping with this illness. He looks like one of those cats with the round head with the long white whiskers. Or at the very least, he resembles a bleached watermelon stuffed into a cardigan.


Dennis Haysbert


So when the presidency in "24" wasn't working out for him, he went to Allstate and asked us if we were in good hands. We are, Dennis. We are.


William Shatner


Ahh, Shatner. Once again, I don't need to tell anyone who he is, be it TJ Hooker, Capt. Kirk, all-around awesome Nerd Hero. Being the Priceline™ Negotiator™ hasn't hurt this guy at all, and earns him into one of the most crucial battles of the whole tourney, up against Jack LaLanne of all people!


Mr. T


We can't have Mr. Shatner around without Mr. T, now can we? He pities the fool who don't call collect or buy World of Warcraft!


Sam Waterston


Why is he here, you ask? Why, he pimps Old Glory Robot Insurance, of course! He has saved thousands of elderly people's lives from the dangers of robots. "When one gets a hold of you, you can't break free, because they're made of metal, and robots are strong." Oddly enough, he now appears in ACTUAL health insurance ads that I'll never take seriously thanks to this. It's also incredibly hard to find an embeddable vid of this. Damn you, NBC.


Mr. Six


He's better known as "The Creepy Old Dancing Six Flags Guy" for a good reason. Be honest, if he drove up to your house one day and started to dance for no reason, wouldn't you get in and not care where he takes you?


I know you're looking at the roster and thinking "Hey, where's Chuck Norris?!" True, he does appear in the "Total Gym Workout" machine thing with Christie Brinkley, and he's one of the most awesome people on the planet, but that's the problem. It's not that I don't like him, he's simply TOO awesome. It wouldn't be fair! Everyone would want him to win! There were only 2 ways that I could've made this tourney fair: Take Norris out, or pit Chuck Norris in a Sweet Sixteen tournament with 15 other Chuck Norrises. The latter option would've guaranteed a win for him. Also, one of the other original competitors was Mrs. Butterworth (representing both her own syrup and Geico's Celebrity Spokesman ads), but just yesterday she was found with her bottle completely empty! So, with an open slot, Jack LaLanne was moved up in the ranking.

Which brings us to answering the question of how this tourney's gonna work: Fan vote! In each game, I want you, the readers, to decide the winners of each of the eight matches! Those lucky eight will move on and then next Friday we'll hold a second round of bracket voting to decide the Final Four, etc. until there is only one standing!

How do you vote? Well, in the comments here, on the Facebook version of this post, and/or through my email at beamingforbunnies@gmail.com will all do the trick. Just say, in each match, who will win. If you want to put some effort into this and be creative, you could certainly explain HOW these victories will be achieved. I'd like to see 'em.

By the way, most of the videos are of the "Youtube Poop" variety of these infomercials, because 1) They're just as bizarre as the real thing and 2) Genuinely funny, and God help it, I want my readers to actually watch these vids. I did. Well, the Magic Bullet's vid is the real thing because it just needs to be seen to be believed, if you haven't already.

I'll be back with another March Madness post next Friday to see who will be moving on!

Say "From Charms!" "What?" (Cut, cut!)

It's my first entry in March and I apologize for not adding anything since the end of February. School, work, and such got in the way. Damn Thesis and whatnot.

Well, that's going to change right away with a trip down memory lane. I'm sure everyone remembers this Blow Pops ad from the early 90's:



To be fair, I don't know when exactly this ad was made, but I'm pretty sure that most of these kids are dead by now. All I know is that back in the early-to-mid 90's, Nickelodeon played this ad at just about every. single. commercial break. I already saw that Milhouse-looking kid hold the watermelon three times, lemme get back to Legends of The Hidden Temple, dammit!

On another note, I noticed the watermark on the vid says "Crowncombo.com" Hey, that's my blogger friend Mystie! Go visit her site now! It's more or less a girl version of X-Entertainment, but you say it like it's a bad thing!

A newer, longer entry to come later.

Beaming For Birthdays

I can't believe it's been this long, but Beaming For Bunnies officially turns one year old today!



It's grown so much, I feel like it won't be much longer until it sprouts legs and waddles off into the sunset and have some new adventures that may or may not involve pie.

Here's a link to the first post of the blog. I looked so skinny back then.

Let's fire up the Wiki and see what other important things occurred on February 27th:

-Henry IV is crowned King of France. (1594)
-Washington, DC is placed under the jurisdiction of the U.S. Congress. (1801)
-The Dominican Republic gains independence from Haiti. (1844)
-Germany's parliament building in Berlin, the Reichstag, is set on fire. (1933, is rewrapped in plastic 70 years later.)
-Lebanon declares Independence. (1945)
-The Twenty-second Amendment to the United States Constitution, limiting Presidents to two terms, is ratified. (1951)
-People magazine is published for the first time. (1974)
-Beaming For Bunnies founded (2008)

For kicks, let's see who has a birthday today:

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, American poet (1807-1882)
-John Steinbeck, American writer (1902-1968)
-Elizabeth Taylor (1932-Probably died 11 years ago)
-Ralph Nader (1934-Soon)
-Neil Shon from Journey (1954-1986 [career])
-Danny Antonucci, creator of Ed, Edd n Eddy (1957-)
-Chelsea Clinton (1980)

And on a grimmer note, let's see who died on this day:

-Louis Vuitton, whose name increases the price of a bag by $300 (1892)
-Ivan Pavlov, famous for Pavlov's Dog experiment & embedded into the minds of Psychology majors everywhere (1936)
-Spike Milligan, famous Irish comedian in the 60's & 70's, worked with some of the Monty Python guys (2002)
-Mr. Rogers! What!? No! You died before they discovered that liquid concentrated Kindness led to immortality! (2003)


Despite that gruesome discovery, I think that this year was pretty good for me...for blogging. My actual, non-Internet life? Pretty boring and not fun to live in. Here are some things that I have learned in the past year:

-People love to read about Animation Villains, White Castle, Muppets, and the Letter Q.

-People don't comment when I ask for them.

-People don't enter contests if they don't like the prize being given away.

-I just can't get the chutzpah up to do "Casual" blogging. I don't think that my life is all that interesting to blog about, but many potential entries have died horrible deaths because I never bothered to write down my thoughts. Thankfully, the Curling blog (previous entry) was one of those moments that were spared the mental cutting room floor.

-Blogging for 28 straight days is insane, I have no idea how other bloggers manage to do it.

-It's as easy to lose friends as it is to gain them.

-I've unwillingly made quite a few enemies this year. Say the wrong thing at a College talent show or a blog, and suddenly everyone's out for your blood. Also, never piss off Competitive Eaters. You never know if one of their blogs somehow comes across yours.

-Writing 10 word summaries for stuff for five days a week is harder than it sounds.

-TV Tropes is the best site ever, and as such, it will ruin your life.

-Wordpress is actually a better blogging site than Blogger, but Beaming For Bunnies will stay here until I can get a Wordpress theme to match this one. Also, I have too many blogs, links, pics, and videos on here that will disappear if I attempt to move this thing.

-I need to better prepare myself for things like speeches and presentations, but I just can't do it.

-Speaking of which, it's a possibility that I might actually have ADD.

-Something I learned today: How long does it take for 6 guys to change a flat tire on my car in the SJC parking lot? Half an hour.

-Having your 21st birthday on Easter is not fun.

-Exploring the Natural History Museum in NYC for 5 fossils that correspond to the 5 original Power Rangers' dinosaurs, however, makes for a great day.

-The Iron Sheik is awesome in person.

-Ice cream perfectly chases away the horrible taste of a Mind Eraser. Not only does the drink live up its promise, it also erases several of your taste buds.

-It took the tragic, untimely death of the father of one of my good friends for me to realize that all of this petty arguing, "drama" and fighting in life is totally meaningless. Most of it is one-sided and could pretty easily be solved with communication. Hating for hating sake is simply unnecessary, and life could blink out in an instant. Drama is just. not. worth it.

-I'm unable to start a conversation. At all. I just awkwardly wait around for people to stop talking, I feel like I'm interrupting them. I usually am, and I hate that.

-I have an obsessive personality, and a few relationships have been or have been at risk of being ruined because of it.

-Jon Stewart is really that tiny in person.

-The Onion is in print form!

-Everyone in Chinatown sells the same thing, and no one minds at all if you go back and forth to each shop. I'm convinced that every Chinatown Shopkeeper is the same person, in a Nurse Joy kind of way.

-The reason that I didn't make a Dennis Christmas Special was that I had no ideas for a "plot," and I kept thinking that it wouldn't be as good as the Thanksgiving one.

-Embezzlers are always the people you least expect.

-I keep thinking that people talk about me behind my back. If you have something to say to me...SAY IT.

-Any video player that isn't Youtube is a complete sack of crap. I love the NostalgiaCritic, but the time it takes for his videos to load is approximately three times longer than the actual video itself, even on a good computer.

-This vid:



is simultaneously the dumbest & greatest thing that I've ever seen.

I think I'll go find a cake and carve a Bunny shooting lasers out of its eyes into it to celebrate. Here's to another great year of blogging!

This Sounded Funnier In My Head

It's boring around here. No football, no baseball, no hockey.

Hmm...I know what we can do!

WE'RE GOIN' CURLING!



It's always better when youi're slammin down some Pabst!


WE'RE GOIN' CURLING!



You can take that bitchass hockey puck and shove it,


WE'RE GOIN' CURLING!



Got my brooms to kick some arse!


WE'RE GOIN' CURLING!



You bears and Mounties watch out when we get out on the ice,


WE'RE GOIN' CURLING!



Just like in Kirby 64!


WE'RE GOIN' CURLING!



Always better with some Rush!


WE'RE GOIN' CURLING!



You better watch yourself, that circle will be mine!


WE'RE GOIN' CURLING!

Love is a 4-Letter Word

What better way to celebrate Valentine's Day is to do so with so little time left?

One of my biggest pet peeves is seeing happy couples. It's an envy factor for me, I've never had a good Valentine's Day in my near 22 years on this Earth. And in the one relationship I DID have, she broke up with me a week before the day! It was the personification if someone had plunged into my heart with a rusty corkscrew, proceeded to slowly wring it out, then fling the pieces onto a wall for it to carelessly slide down into an onion chopper. You would then feed the remains to the local stray dog. Paris Hilaton works fine as well. Feeds four. Needless to say, if there was one event that cemented my hatred for this day, it would be that.

BUT. If this was supposed to happen, it was better off that it was BEFORE that day, and not after. That would've been really low, and she wasn't that kind of person who would do such a thing.

So if I see you, you fucking couple being happy, lovey-dovey and talking to each other...fuck off, go get a room for once.

And if you're already in a room? Learn to close those curtains, there aren't that many one-way windows out there.

Yeah, It's pretty obvious that I despise this day with every fiber of my being. I believe that there's no real point to this day. "I love you?" Hearts filled with random candy? Hearts and candy, separately? How is this different from the other 364 days of the year? I would like to be proven wrong.



Happy "Honk if You Love Single Life" Day!

The Answers to The Survey

1. Yes

2. No

3. Yes

4. Red

5. Michigan

6. Put your junk in that box.

7. No

8. HELL no! Why would you ask that?!

9. Seven

10. Martini

11. He knows what he did.

12. Yes

13. Portugal

14. I'm gonna skip that one.

15. A Cobra Commander Mighty Mugg.