Monday, December 5, 2011

The Christmas Prophesy: Dennis vs The Wisdom Cube

The Story So Far... (read these first!)
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4


Merv: "Is this map actually guiding us anywhere? I feel like we've been walking for a week."

Clapboard: "It's because we HAVE been walking for a week."

Merv: "And can't these Autobots turn inta cars? It woulda been a lot faster if we were able to drive here. Why couldn't we have traveled by map, anyway?"

Dennis: "Because The Muppets was just a movie. As good as it was, I don't think we should've stopped along our way to see it. Anyway if I remember right, we need to find a giant question mark."

Prowl: "That's a vague landmark. Where are we going to find one of those?"

Dennis: "Hmm...this sure looks like the place."

Optimus: "We can't be too careful!"

Optimus: "Perceptor, what does the map read?"

Perceptor: "According to this, this statue in the form of an Earth question mark is where the first key is located, but I don't see anything else besides the word wisdom..."


Cube: "Greeting, travelers!"

Optimus: "Dear Primus, kill it! Kill it with guns!"

Prowl: "Calm down, Prime! Let's just see what it wants!"

Arcee: "Looks like talking sand art if you ask me."

Cube: "I'm not just sand art, milady. I am also The Cube of Wisdom™. I was placed here eons ago to guard the Key of Wisdom, one of the Four Keys of MacGuffin."

Dennis: "'re wise?"

Cube: "Yuh-huh."

Dennis: "So what do you do, exactly?"

Cube: "I'm getting to that; I got a whole spiel to say, you know. A-hem. IF THE KEY IS WHAT YOU SEEK, THEN YOU MUST ANSWER ME THESE QUESTIONS THREE."

Merv: "Oh great, one of these trivia things."

Clapboard: "Hey cube guy, you got any rules to this?"

Cube: "Getting to that. Jeez. You're more impolite than the last group, and they wanted to shoot me."

Dennis: "Umm...last group?"

Arcee: "What would've happened if they shot you?"

Cube: "To be honest, nothing would've happened. My body's like a diamond filled with stardust. I just told those guys that by killing me, they would've destroyed the only person in the universe who knew the location of the Key of Wisdom. They easily bought it, though. I couldn't believe it."

Prowl: "What did this other group look like?"

Cube: "You know, kinda like you guys. Big, robots, really nasty fellas."

Optimus: "Decepticons! Those asses beat us here with their map!"

Optimus: "What did you do with them, anyway?"

Cube: "Frankly, I didn't like the look of them, so I asked them a couple of BS questions and gave them a fake key. I had it enchanted so their map would pick up a location for another key. Except all that key would do is open up a hotel room somewhere in Atlantic City."

Prowl: "That's a relief. We can't thank you enough for that."

Cube: "You're welcome, I guess. I was just happy to have someone to talk to for a while."

Dennis: "So what happens now?"

Cube: "Before I was interrupted, I was getting to the rest of the speech. I had this whole ritual memorized hundreds of years ago, and it pisses me off whenever I get thrown off."

Cube: "Now then, the rules are as follows: I ask you the Three Most Important Questions of The Universe. Answer all of them correctly and you get the key. One person must answer all three questions, but they can consult the group before answering. Get one question wrong and pay a steep price, maybe death. Sounds good? Good."

Cube: "Any volunteers?"

Merv: "I ain't answerin' no questions. That's why I left middle school."

Clapboard: "I'd rather just skip to the death part."

Dennis: "And I'm not the test-taking type."

Prowl: "Uhh..."

Arcee: "Hmm..."

Perceptor: "Doot doot doot doot..."

Optimus: FINE! If no wants to do it, I'll just choose! And no bitching if you're it!"

Optimus: "!"

Dennis: "M -- Me, Optimus?"

Optimus: "You can do it, Skidz! We believe in you!"

Dennis: "Umm...Thanks."

Merv: "You got this!"

Prowl: "We're here for ya, buddy."

Dennis: "Looks like it's up to me, then."

Dennis: "Ask away, Wisdom Cube!"

Cube: "Allright, what's your name, challenger?"

Dennis: "My name's Dennis. This isn't so bad, right?"

Cube: "That wasn't one of the questions."

Dennis: "...Oh."

Cube: "QUESTION THE FIRST: What is your favorite color?"

Dennis: "Umm...Green."

Cube: "Correct. QUESTION THE SECOND: How many days are there in an Advent Calendar?"

Dennis: "That's an odd question."

Clapboard: "What's an Advent Calendar?"

Merv: "It's this Christmas thing. Once a day leading up to it, you get a gift from a box on this bigger box. There's stories about demons and James Lipton wanting the gifts for some reason."

Optimus: "Who the hell would read stories about those things?"

Dennis: "You'd be surprised, Optimus."

Dennis: "The answer is twenty-four days. Christmas doesn't count."

Cube: "Correct. QUESTION THE THIRD: Who played Wendy Beamish  in the 1985 classic St. Elmo's Fire?"

Prowl: "The hell?"

Arcee: "It's not even the best Brat Pack movie."

Dennis: "Is this seriously one of the Three Most Important Questions of The Universe? Or are you just gonna pawn off a fake key on us, too?"

Cube:  "I'm not playin' you guys. You folks seem like a nice bunch."

Perceptor: "Dennis, may I suggest consulting a database for the answer?"

Perceptor: "This computer I just found should be handy."

Dennis: "Oh yeah, this'll work perfectly!"

Dennis: Now to look up IMDB...Brat Pack...Ahh, there it is!"

Dennis: "It was Mare Winningham, but I have no idea what it has to do with Wisdom."

Cube: "Either way, you were right. Here you go, one key."

Cube: "This here's the genuine Key of Wisdom. I wish you guys good luck on your journey to not destroy the world."

Dennis: "Awesome."


Perceptor: "Attention everyone: The map is indeed showing the path to the next key. I suggest we roll out at once."

Optimus: "Agreed. Cube Guy, thanks for everything, but we need to get the hell outta here."

Cube: "No prob, guys."

Dennis: "...I just hope Kirby and Seaspray are doing okay."

Merv: "They'll be fine. I've played some of Kirby's games before, he'll kick some ass and get ta Santa in no time."

Clapboard: "Even though I haven't known you guys for a while, I understand that you're worried about your friends."

Dennis: I know...


Kirby: "Man, this trek to the North Pole was more dangerous than I thought. Who knew it would be so...cold?"

Seaspray: "I'm just happy that we get to do something. Any case, we should reach the North Pole in a few days. After that, well, then we gotta do our best to protect Santa from that prophesy thing if it ever happens."

Kirby: "It looks like we've got time for a detour, Seaspray. I know someone who can help us."


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1 comment:

Yelinna said...

Oohh, it seems that this story happens many many years in the future of X-E Advent calendar.

I love James Lipton :)