Thursday, September 22, 2011

Sept. 22nd: Nana & Me

This was a hard day for me. I don't normally talk much about my personal life on here, but exactly one year ago today, my grandmother passed away. This was someone that I was really close to. She was pretty much the third person that raised me. While my parents worked, there she was, in my house, willing to cook my breakfast and send me off to school. She'd show up when I was sick, on holidays or days when I just plain didn't go to school. It was great.

She had been dwindling in health for several years and lived the last 2 or so years of her life in a nursing home. You might say that this was pretty much a death sentence already, but this was probably the one of the better decisions my family ever made. Before that, she lived in her house with my uncles not doing anything. As in, not even getting up from the couch anything. She was a chain smoker to boot, and continued until around a month before the end. Totally did not help at all.
In her new home, she was able to be mobile (she was confined to a wheelchair 90% of the time), she had people tending to her aide, people to target her elderly rage at, and most importantly, friends. If you've never been to a nursing home for more than 10 minutes, you might not notice that they're pretty much like high schools for the senile. You have cliques, you have the crazy ones, the mopers, and if they have family that takes them out every once in a while for a smoke? They're pretty much the top tier. And Nana was near the top. I should know, I visited her several times a week, and that does wonders for the polls.

But near the end, she got sick once every few months, and around this time last August, she had pneumonia. Luckily, she barely survived that scrape, but it took her toll on her. The San Genero's Festival came, and the nursing home throws a big party for it. When I looked for Nana...she wasn't there. She was in her room. In her bed. NOT GOOD.

A few days later, she was put in the hospital, and on this day one year ago, she left this world to end her suffering. It was one of those "peaceful"" deaths, which I had no idea could actually happen. She was just...lying there, we couldn't even tell when she left. My mom was happy that she had a "peaceful" look on her face and opened the blinds in the hospital room to let some sun in. That's when my dad and I pretty much said "Umm...there's a reason why she looks peaceful." Talk about awkward.

Needless to say, the death hit me hard, and it's one of the main reasons why I started to neglect this blog, the grief and depression was too much for me. I know she's in a better place. No more suffering. She can see everyone that left before her. And she can smoke as long as she wants for all eternity.

God, I miss her.

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