My "O" Face

I just realized something: We've passed the halfway point in this 26-Part series! M was the 13th letter and that was back on Monday. Almost there people!

We now come to the 15th letter of our 26 letter series: The Fightin' O! Here are some things that start with O.

Omicron: Also a fifteenth letter! But it's in the Greek Alphabet, and it's also the longest sounding letter in it. Why is this one significant? It's the class that I pledged my fraternity in. I've already covered the name of my frat, and where my nickname comes from, but not my specific pledge class. When someone pledges a fraternity, their entire group of people that they pledge with is their class. Usually meeting as complete strangers, they eventually become brothers. I'll admit that during the first few hours when I was told this, I didn't believe it. When it was all over, the other 7 guys that I pledged with are definite brothers until the end.

It always reminds me of Omicron Persei 8 from Futurama. It's this planet filled with warmongering aliens that live 1000 light years away from Earth. When we're in the year 3000, tv signals from the year 1999 would have just reached there. When the season finale of a popular Ally McBeal-like show is interrupted and lost forever, the Omicronians act and invade Earth to destroy it until they see the rest of the episode.

I've also seen some significance in my own life. Omicron = Name of Pledge Class. P = Pledge Class. 8 = Number of guys in my Pledge Class.

Orange: My favorite color. Seems less cliche than other favorite colors like "Blue" or "Green." I've always wondered: Did they name the fruit "Orange" after the color, or vice-versa? I always like to imagine how some things were named. The Orange is a great example. Let's say two explorers, the Main Adventurer and his Assistant, were in a jungle. The assistant holds up a round, orange fruit to the Main Explorer.

"Look at this fruit! What shall we name it?"
"How about Orange?"
"Ok."

Imagine if that same assistant then found a Tangerine.

"Here's a fruit that's orange too!"
"...Fuck."

I don't know if this was a Jim Gaffigan joke, but I like to think we share the same wavelenght sometimes.

Owls: My favorite kind of bird. My favorite breed happens to be the Barn Owl. I don't know why, I like how it looks. These are awesome predators of the night, and just look too damn cute to be scary. That's how they get you. They lure you in with their sweetness and promise of candy, and then this:

I know that I'm not the only one who had to dissect Owl Pellets in school. Made you do it as a team to know exactly what an owl ate one time all in the purpose of controlled academic environmental science. I hope it comes out in the end that I hope it is...I never did trust Snowy Owls anyway.

The infamous O RLY Owl and its ilk were hilarious and are the predecessor of the almighty lolcat. What caused the originator to put that caption on that owl pic will remain one of the Internet's many unsolved mysteries. All I know is that I've never looked at the word "orly" in the same fashion since, always erupting into giggles whenever I find that it's the answer in a crossword.

Oscar The Grouch: One of the more famous Sesame Street Muppets out there. He's green, (used to be orange!), Grouchy, and lives in a trash can. He's puppeteered by Caroll Spinney, the same guy who plays Big Bird! You can easily make the connection, as Oscar sounds like Big Bird had he aged 43 years and ate a constant diet of menthol cigarettes. One may think that he's one of the poorest slummers of Sesame Street, but his can is quite roomy and nice. It holds a pool, several rooms, his pet elephant, even an ice rink. For some reason, there's also a portal to his hometown of Grouchland. He's been known to actually step out of his can, but he usually carries it with him. One of my fondest memories of this was him ice skating to "Feliz Navidad" during the opening sequence of "Christmas Eve on Sesame Street."

He loves trash. Anything dirty, or dingy, or dusty. His love for it is enough to sing several songs dedicated to it that always seemed to involve lots of cunning Grouch prose. He certainly had the time to write it, he's lived in that same can for almost 40 years. His hates are anything clean, neat, and nice. And Elmo, especially Elmo. You can't fault him for that. He also dislikes Telly Monster, but he made Telly one of the main members of the Grouchketeers, a small group of human kids that is dedicated to worshipping him with shapes and colors. And the Number 6 with the letters O and B.

Another Oscar thing that involves Orange: His pet worm Slimey, who seems to live a far more interesting life. He was shot up into space with NASA for a brief time in the 90's to become the first worm on the moon. Whether he brought back Insect Overlords with him for Kent Brockman to bow down to is still unclear.

Oh well. That's it for today, check back tomorrow for some P goodness!






"Brian, there's a message in my Alpha-Bits! It says 'Ooooooooooo.'"
"Peter, those are Cheerios."

Na na na na na na na Batman! I mean...Leader!

Nope. No. Nah. Not. Nein. Never. Just some common words that start with N.

Here are some other words that start with N. You know the drill.


Norbert: One half of the two costars of the great 90's Nicktoon "The Angry Beavers." Suave, cool, fun-loving, and voiced by Nick Bakay (aka Salem the Cat), he was by far my favorite character on the show. Sure, Daggett (Richard Horvitz aka Zim, Billy on Billy & Mandy) was awesome too, but Norbert just seemed better. He was the voice of reason, liked to give biiiig hugs, and had a lavender nose to boot! Yes, his profile from Nick Magazine listed his actual nose color as Lavender. Norb was also the older of the two, being born four minutes before Daggett.

I liked his name so much that I adopted it as my internet moniker. Norbert5ca@aol.com is my official e-mail address (please no spam), and up 'til 2006 I was registered on several sites, including X-E as Invader Norbert. It's the amalgam of "Invader Zim" and, well, Norbert. If you go to some well-known websites and find that name (or something involving Norbert), it's a good chance that it's me.

New York: The state that I live in. Sky-high taxes, the fact that Rose O'Donnell & Bill O'Reilly are both from LI, and the stereotype that we're all rich, snobbish jerks aside, it's pretty much one of the best states ever. It's divided into three main regions: Long Island (where I am), New York City (if you need to be told what the 5 Burroughs are, press that X in the upper right corner now), and Upstate. Yes, the main part of the state is actually referred to as Upstate NY.

Unlike the congestion and expense of The City and the blah-ish suburbs & coastal areas of Long Island, Upstate is mostly the mountain region that seems to be a completely different state in itself. Upstate is mountains and wilderness. The Catskill and Adirondack mountain ranges are both here, not to mention the Finger Lakes, the Hudson River, the US half of Niagara Falls, and Lake Placid. (the site of the 1980 Winter Olympics with the "Miracle" Hockey game) It's one of those places that is fine to go on vacation, but not a place I'd rather live than here. My parents aim to disagree with that claim. It's also a place where the phrase "It's cold and there are wolves after me" is an actual concern and not a hilarious quote from a Simpsons episode (Cape Feare, season 5).

If Long Island with all of NYC attached decided to secede from New York, it would be the third smallest state and the 12th most populous, thanks to Manhattan and the other four Burroughs.

New York is also the only state with an actual Upstate. You may think that your state has an Upstate, but it doesn't. It's simply the northern part of the state. So stop calling it Upstate unless referring to Upstate New York. The only state that can possibly make a case is Michigan, but I don't think they refer to that fish thing as an Upstate.

Nathan's: But more specifically, it's annual 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Contest. Held at the chain's flagship Coney Island eatery, it's the highlight of the now-well-known Competitive Eating Circuit. It all started in 1916 where the first champ ate 13 hot dogs & buns in 12 minutes, and it blossomed from there. A far cry from current record holder Joey Chestnut, who ate 66 of them last year. It was quite feat to beat 6-time champ Takeru Kobayashi from Japan, who consumed 3 hot dogs & buns less than Chestnut. All due to developing an arthritic jaw of all things.

It's all thanks to this contest that people made a sport out of Competitive Eating. It's mostly a fun spectacle, but the people involved in these events give these events the same amount of seriousness as hockey and horse racing. It probably makes it even funnier. There's even an official organization for these contests: the IFOCE: The International Confederation of Competitive Eating. If it can be consumed, they've made an eating contest out of it. Other top competitions include the Wing Bowl in Philly, the Key Lime Pie Eating Contest in Key West, and the Krystal Burger Square-Off.

But there's another that I want to focus on. Sunday was Father's Day, and I witnessed the second annual Strawberry Shortcake Eating Contest at the Strawberry Festival in Mattituck. By pure luck and coincidence I also witnessed the first ever contest the previous year. The winner both times is a guy by the name of Patrick "Deep Dish" Bertoletti. This year he ate 14 1/2 lbs of Strawberry Shortcake in 8 minutes. Not bad considering last year's 15 1/4 lbs. "Damn" either way. I must admit they stretched an 8-minute contest into an hour. Aside from Chestnut and the Japanese, pretty much anyone who was anyone in the IFOCE was there. They had performances by two of the eaters, Eric "Badlands" Booker (a Suffolk County native, and not that bad of a rapper), and "Beautiful Brian" Seiken, who sang his own song so terrible it hit in the range of "Satirically Humorous." His "album" was even titled "Stick To Blogging," and everyone watching agreed that he stuck to that. Then they had to draw out introductions to every competitor (at least 15), and even sang the National Anthem. I regret not waiting 5 minutes in line to get an ear of roasted corn before the event, I would've eaten the whole thing before the contest even started!

In case you're wondering, my favorite competitive eater is this guy:



"Crazy Legs" Conti. He's the most entertaining of the competitive eaters out there, with his White Man Dreads and his signature hat and is the #11 ranked eater in the world. He doesn't hold too many records, but he sticks out like a sore thumb at the many ones he's been to. But I don't care if he wins or not, he's awesome and hilarious. He placed third in the Strawberry Shortcake contest, eating 9 1/2 lbs of it. I even got a pic of him on my cell phone. I hope he somehow stumbles upon this so I can meet him in person.

Numa Numa: If you don't know what this is, welcome to the Internet! Literally on Page 1 in the "Internet Fads For Dummies" book that is not written yet, this song achieved unexpected fame in the pre-Youtube days on sites like eBaums. It all started when a fat kid named Gary Brolsma recorded himself dancing & lip-synching to a Romanian pop song and sticking it online as a joke. This "joke" created the largest internet sensation of all time. Yes, it's official, at least by VH-1. Look it up on Youtube and see how many hits you get. The current count is 59,900 videos. 59,894 of them are awful.

I must confess: I managed to keep myself away from the original video until Numa Numa Kid was among the Internet Icons featured on the "Canada on Strike" episode of South Park a few months ago. Now I'm obsessed with it.

Here's a full video of the actual song:



The song's real title is "Dragonstea din tei," which is seemingly a love song about a painter who says his "colors fade to gray" without this girl in his life. The "Numa Numa" part is simply nonsense that sounded good to the song's beat. You keep telling yourself that, Romania.




"Ni!"

MMM MMMM M MMM...MMMM.

M is also for Monday...A day that I don't like one bit. I completely forgot how taxing Daily Blogging would be, I had never done it before.

M is a favorite letter of mine, and it's also a letter already done by someone else. Let's see what I have to say about it, hmm?


Mario Kart: One of the best and well-known of the Mario spin-off series of games. I've played each and every version of it except for the DS version (but I really should pick it up). I'm currently playing the Wii version and I must say, it's probably the best one they've ever done. Not only do we get the great racing and 16 new kickass tracks, but they've also brought back 16 retro stages from every past game including the infamous N64 Bowser Castle. It's long regarded as one of the best tracks in the entire series, and it deserves to be on more than one platform. There's a total of 3 Bowser Castle tracks in the game, including the 3rd version from the SNES version as well as a new, more insane version for the Wii game. Rainbow Road is back too, and just when I thought they couldn't make it more insane, amazing and annoying: they did.

Another great improvement that was brought over from Double Dash is the availability of different Karts. Unlike in past games, where the racers' weight depended on your stats, its the Kart that does it, which makes the other character's weight equal to their respective weight classes. That also means no easy balloon popping whenever Bowser slams into Toad. I loved doing that, and now it's gone! Not only are there Karts, there's bikes as well, which also have their own individual stats and whatnot. Unlike the Karts, which are more suited for the Wii Wheel, the Bikes seem to have better handling on Gamecube controllers, where the analog sticks control the steering.

Battle Mode is back too, either in classic Balloon Battle or Coin Runner, where you must collect the most coins. A plus for the Wii version is that you're split up into teams with the other available racers, meaning that friendless schlubs like me don't have to play one-sided battles anymore! Did I also mention that WiFi is here for both battle and race modes, and is actually smooth? Definitely an improvement over Brawl's "WiFi" that makes battles last 10 seconds.

Then there's the roster. It has the largest one in the series' history, with 24 characters (25 if you count both Mii costumes). There are some newcomers like Baby Daisy, Funky Kong, Princess Rosalina, Dry Bowser (a skeletal Bowser), and your own Mii, as well as two characters who were left out but were in Double Dash: Petey Piranha and Paratoopa. It's a shame that they never brought back Donkey Kong Jr, or even considered including Magikoopa, who was scheduled to be in the N64 version before being bumped by Wario at the last minute. As I mentioned in the K blog, the Koopa Troopa is back and is now a lightweight, and is currently my favorite racer (it used to be Toad).

Mario Party: Another great spin-off Mario game series. It's where you play as various Nintendo characters (my favorite was Wario), move around a board game to collect Stars and coins. You played minigames after every round, and the person with the most stars won. Frankly, the series achieved perfection at Mario Party 2. The third one was decent, but it forever holds the distinction of being "Not Mario Party 2." After that, it went downhill and I gave up after the Fifth one. Seriously, why the hell did we need to be able to play as THREE Baby Bowsers and no Donkey Kong?!

As I was saying, the Second one was perfect. Despite doing away with the weight classes (which made Wario & DK the best characters), it fixed all of the problems the first one had. It got rid of those annoying 1-player minigames (that Limbo one was a total bitch), the loss of coins during 2-on-2 games if you lost them, and, most important, no more of those "rotate the control stick" games! Damn, I hated those. It got to the point where people's hands were being blistered and cut open due to spinning it so many times, so Nintendo offered Mario Party Gloves to cover up injured hands. Several of the better minigames from the first game returned or were slightly rehashed, such as Bumper Balls, Slot Car Derby, Hexagon Heat, Balloon Burst and Grab Bag. There was also the addition of items (and Item Minigames), the Bank, Duel minigames, and Battle Minigames. The Item & battle minigames were awesome and slightly difficult, while the Duel Games were unique to the stage you played on. The duel aspect would later be perfected and have a unique Duel Mode exclusive to Mario Party 3.

The most unique aspect about this one is that all of the boards are themed, and every character is dressed in a costume to match it. Then there's the reveal of the winner. There's no elimination of the people who didn't win, but before the placing is revealed, a short scene begins involving Bowser. The character who steps in to save the day is revealed to be the winner once and for all. My favorite one was the one for Bowser Land, where Bowser transforms into Metal Bowser and the player defeats him by spinning & tossing him a la Mario 64. Sadly, this was the only one out of the eight or so games in the series to actually have these traits.

Muppet Babies: I mentioned the Muppet Show in previous entries, but haven't really commented on this show. In the same vein as Flintstone Kids and A Pup Named Scooby-Doo, this show took the familiar Muppet characters and made them precocious youngsters. Unlike those other shows, this one did it right. Kermit, Scooter, Rowlf, Miss Piggy, Gonzo, Fozzie and Animal were the main familiar Muppets in the show, and were joined by newcomer Skeeter (Scooter's unknown-until-that-point sister) and their Nanny, who was always seen from the neck down and voiced by Barbara Billingsly. Baby versions of Bunsen, Beaker, Bean Bunny, Robin, and even Janice also appeared now and then, along with Statler & Waldorf (as adults).

Besides teaching standard children's show fare like "Sharing," "Don't be afraid of the dark," and "Don't shiv Gonzo," the show mostly focused on utilizing the Power of Imagination™. Since the show was always contained in a nursery, the Muppet friends used their minds to create complex environments and scenarios such as creating their own Amusement Park, imagining a Zoo, journeying inside Scooter's body to cure his cold, creating a 60 Minutes-esque newscast, attempt to pass Scooter off as Maverick, and even pulling off their own version of Star Wars. There's also the running gag of Gonzo opening up the closet to find stock footage waiting for him on the other side, like a train barrelling towards him or scenes from the 1930's Dracula movie. I dare you to see if I'm kidding about any of those, that's what made the show so awesome.

I watched it to the point of obsession as a child, with my dad wondering why I always watch it. When I saw some footage a few years back...I came to realize that it's a show that does NOT stand the test of time. It was originally produced in 1984, and it shows. Computers were clunky and primitive, MTV actually showed music videos (even parodying it's tagline "I Want My MTV!"), Snowboarding was a "Hip! New! Thing!", the various references to Star Wars (the original one), Micheal J. Fox being among Baby Miss Piggy's many crushes, and there was even an episode revolving around now-Old School video games. It was one of my favorite episodes, and one that I remember vividly. They managed to parody Tetris, Frogger, Super Mario Bros, Paperboy, The Legend of Zelda, even showing actual in-game footage of Donkey Kong Jr.

Also, it seems that all of their voices are really, really, really, fucking annoying and grating to the ears. I used to enjoy these voices, now they irritate the hell out of me for some reason. It's probably due to the voice cast: Howie Mandel, Dave Coulier, Russi Taylor, and Frank Welker were among the high-pitched voice cast.

Mountain Dew: Unlike most of you, I hate this drink. Don't like it one bit. But I shall be honest: I have not tried it in a long time, so I am unfamiliar with the taste. I act like Homer Simpson with this drink, as I will choose a mountain of Crab Juice over a single can of this stuff. The only thing that may turn my taste buds around are the fact that three new flavors have been released and have all been given positive reviews.

Mr. Bogus: From the "Does Anyone Else Besides Me Remember This?" File, we have this short-lived 1990 children's show. It was about a small yellow Gremlin named Mr. Bogus who lived in the walls of an average boy's home causing trouble, or sometimes solving it. Sometimes the boy would discover him, only to have his parents not believe him. That's pretty much it about the entire premise of the series. It was shown in syndication for a while (I think it was on UPN or something in my region), and then briefly shown again on the then-Fox Family Channel. Many old Late 80's/Early-90s' cartoons went there to die, like the Heathcliff cartoon and the one based on Creepy Crawlers.

In between the animated segments, there were more well-known short vignettes made with stop-motion animation shown. Below is a video comprising about 5 1/2 minutes worth of these:



Let's see if it jars any memory banks.





"Mmm...Free Goo."

Soundtracks For Summer: "L"ove Shack

Part 5 in my "Soundtracks For Summer" Series.

Happy Father's Day, everyone. I know Sunday is a low-readership day, and this one will probably be no different.

For this occasion (and the fact that I'll be out of the house most of the day doing Father's Day stuff), I've decided to combine a "Soundtracks For Summer" entry with today's "Things That Start With ___" entry for the first and possibly only time ever, since both of these start with L.




Sung famously by the B-52s for their 1989 "Cosmic Thing" album, it's among their most legendary of songs. I always thought they recorded it earlier than that, this simply plays and sounds like a true 80s Song. As I said in the entry for B, if you've gone your whole life without listening to this one, you're either deaf, or a cyborg.

This a plain, flat-out funky dance song. The Love Shack seems like the best place in the entire world where "Love Rules" and that you can dance the day and/or night away, either on the floor or horizontally. I prefer the latter. As such, whenever I go clubbin' or something, this song MUST be played at least once on the DJ's mix list, or else there will be blood. Horrible, deadly, remixed blood all over the headphones. I'll never forget that funeral.

There's also a great summer memory behind this song. When I went to Cedar Point, I had to try out their Johnny Rockets, a now-chain restaurant that was still small back in 2003. It's a retro 50s-themed joint with all sorts of cosmic knickknacks like...well, imagine Arnold's from "Happy Days" and you got this place. They're most famous for their burgers and shakes, and I must say, I remember both being quite good. I also noticed that there were jukeboxes at every table.

When I stumbled upon "Love Shack," I said "Hey, Love Shack! I'll put some money in!" What I didn't know until the song began to play was that when this specific song was played in the jukebox, the entire staff runs out to the dining area and dances to the song. It was a funny yet odd experience. Fortunately, it seems that they only dance to it once an hour and not every single, freaking time someone pops it into the jukebox just to see if they'll do it again. It's another detail that I like about Cedar Point, they acknowledge that the little dance is completely stupid and undignifying, so they put their limits on it.

Some other facts about this song: There was an actual Love Shack that Kate Pierson lived in (which the song was written about), and it ended up burning down in 2004. Also, the lyric "TIN ROOF!/ Rusted!" means nothing, it was simply an ad-lib made by Kate in the recording session. It does NOT mean she was pregnant.



Now, as promised, here are some other things that start with L.


Lindenhurst: The town that I live in. It's not quite Suffolk County, not quite Nassau, but it gets the job done. It's your standard boring old small town in suburban Long Island. We used to have a bowling alley. It closed. We had a nice little second-run movie theater. It also closed. All of the fun stuff is either in the neighboring Babylons and such or in other towns on the Island. Hell, even our carnivals are somewhat pathetic, but mostly because they often make the mistake of scheduling them during larger festivals in Riverhead and Farmingdale.

My friends often groan at the fact that Lindenhurst is so far away from them. To them reading this: How the hell do you think I feel?! I drive 20 minutes to school every day, and I most often miss out on stuff because of the distance factor. There are days when I wish I could step out of my house and literally push the entire town 10 miles east.

The only real famous people that came from my town are Pat Benetar (no, the High School does not have a wing devoted to her), and the guy who played the Dad on the Wonder Years. I hope to be next.

Last Comic Standing: This is by far the only reality show I have watched, and have watched religiously. The basic premise is to find next great stand-up comedian in the country. There's the audition round (seriously, why do we need to see bad comics?!), then the semi-finals in Vegas where the best from all of the Audition Round compete to be whittled down to 10 or 12 finalists. Then the real "reality" part begins, where all the finalists live in a house together and participate in challenges, with one cast member being booted off each week until 5 are left to compete in the final round of pure stand-up material.

In recent seasons, there has been less and less footage of the house shown (fans complained about the lack of house footage in Season 4 to the point where there was no house at all in Season 5), and more and more bad comedians shown in the audition rounds. If you must know, The first season is by fay the best one, even if Dat Phan was crowned the winner. He beat out Ralphie May in the finals, and eliminated Dave Mordal in the House round. If Dave had won, he would've won the entire contest. Still, the dynamics we saw were amazing: drama (mostly between Dat and the other 9 housemates), actual sweet moments (the relationship between Dave and Rich Vos), some great unscripted moments (a mouse invading the house), a great Hide-and-seek prank where Dat Phan hid in the house while no one looked for him, and an actual alliance that formed, mostly from the East Coast comics: Vos, Ralphie, Dave, Tess and Cory Kahaney. It was also the only season so far where an actual unknown was crowned the winner. Sure, Josh Blue won Season 4, but "Mind of Mencia" of all places granted him his first major exposure in the industry.

This show has had its ups and downs. The first one, obviously, was Dat Phan. He's funny once, but thanks to the reality aspect and constant filming, that one set where he imitates his Vietnamese mom is all that he has. Another controversy struck in the second season where celebrity judges Drew Carey and Brett Butler (and all of us watching at home) were shocked at the fact that favorite Dan Naturman didn't move on to the finals while Ant & Gary Gulman, clients of Exec Producer Barry Katz, did. There was also the fact that Season 3, which pitted the Season 1 team against the Season 2 team, premiered less than a month after Season 2 ended. This was also the only season to be cancelled, as NBC pulled it off the schedule the exact week before its finale was supposed to air.

The current Season, the sixth, is probably the first season since the first that does not seem to be dominated by well-knowns and not-as-well knowns. Thanks to some spoilerage, I've learned that 12 finalists will move on this season, with only two of them being relatively familiar in the comedy world. About damn time, NBC.

In case you were wondering, here is every past LCS winner & runner up:

Season 1: Dat Phan (1st), Ralphie May (2nd)
Season 2: John Heffron, Alonzo Bodden
Season 3: Alonzo Bodden, Dave Mordal (which would've made him the best of Season 1!)
Season 4: Josh Blue, Ty Barnett (the lack of footage of him during the House round took us all by surprise by how kickass he was in the finals)
Season 5: Jon Reep, Lavell Crawford (a favorite of mine, wanted him to win)

Late Night w/Conan O'Brien: My favorite of the Late Night talk shows. Every night, I tune in to the hilarity and lose some major sleep over it. It's one of my goals to see at least one taping of it. It's filled with some of the most bizarre and random humor, although some segments have been getting repetitive. What is the point of showing fake State Quarters when there's only three left? Or SAT analogies now that they finally dropped them from the test? The celebrity surveys...Please don't get me started. The eccentric characters more than make up for it, which include The Evil Puppy, The Masturbating Bear, The Interrupter, Joel Goddard, Abe Vigoda, James Lipton, Little Jay Leno, the Fed-Ex Pope, the Kayak Guy, S&M Lincoln, Quackers the Shit-Eating Duck, The Fun Hole Guy, newcomer Euro-Trash Guy, and of course, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

There's also the existence of "Random Arbitrary" characters such as Gorilla Nurse on An Old-Timey Abdominal Exerciser while playing Juice Newton's "Angel In The Morning," Castro Rabbit DJ, Hasidic Rabbi Tortoise Riding a Mechanical Bull, The World's Fastest Menorah, Fire Hydrant Pimp Riding a Skateboard, Cactus Chef Playing "We Didn't Start The Fire on The Flute," and Scuba Diving Meatloaf Sitting in a Wheelchair ("Chattanooga Choo-Choo" plays whenever the camera cuts to it). I swear I'm not making any of these up.

When the writers went on strike, it proved to be a blessing in disguise. Since there was no one to write his monologues or repetitive sketches, Conan had to improvise. This was hands-down the greatest month in the show's history. Conan started small like seeing how long he could spin his wedding ring on his desk, climbing up into the rafters, and creating his own German Disco Light Show. There was also an increase in Remote segments, which were always awesome. He had filmed in his Late Nite offices (played a real guitar while some other staffers were playing Rock Band), hid in his studio while an NBC tour ran through, helping out a staffer's problem in the Late Nite Men's Room, the infamous Conan/Colbert/Stewart fight, as well as visiting the apartment of director Jordan Schlansky (with Conan discovering that this health nut ate Gingerbread Pop Tarts). Then zaniness took over when Conan decided that he wished to fly through the studio via a Zipline to the point of adding rockets, rocket boots, an Oscar Meyer sticker to help sponsor the event, and using the Zipline to save Lincoln from being shot by John Wilkes Booth. He then branched out in how he present the show from his desk, like having his desk at the back of the studio, behind the audience.

And then there's this. Behold: THE SUPER-DESK!!!



Let's see Leno pull THAT off. It must have been epic to have been in that audience that night.


I apologize for the Lack of a witty title today, expect one tomorrow.

Soundtracks For Summer: Kokomo

Part 4 in my "Soundtracks For Summer" Series.

Since it's K day, let's get this series kick-started again with the great "K" song Kokomo.




Recorded by the Beach Boys in 1988 for the movie "Cocktail," this song shows that these Beach bumming heartthrobs from the '60s still had some spunk left in them.

You might wonder why they would want to travel to relax in a small town in Indiana, but as it turns out that Kokomo is actually a tiny island in the Caribbean that was named after the town. The confusion may have arisen due to the fact that the island is now known as Sandals Cay, where its only major amenities are a Thai restaurant and a jacuzzi. Of a somewhat smaller note, Kokomo, Indiana is the hometown of Danny, the protagonist from the movie "Cats Don't Dance." (who else saw this one besides me? Raise your hands so I can see them.)

This song simply screams of "RELAX!!" (not to be confused with the actual song "Relax"), and I've always imagined laying in a hammock with some kind of fruity drink in my hand while this song plays. Why, a great memory I have of this song was watching the Sea Lions in front of the Atlantis Marine World Aquarium here on Long Island while "Kokomo" was blasting through the speakers. Sadly, since this song's dulcet tones also evoke some romanticism, I shed a tear at loves lost as I wallow in my shame and self-pity coupled with pessimism from my mom.

An element that I love about this song is the usage of Steel Drums, long regarded as one of my favorite instruments. The guy playing them is none other than a then-unknown John Stamos.



STAAAAMOOOOOOOOSSSS!!!!


Since these Soundtracks For Summer entries seem to always have two videos in them, here is the Muppet version of Kokomo:

What's So Special About "Special K?"

Seriously, I've never had Special K, what makes it so great?

We now come to the second letter already covered by someone else. I must admit that I will also cover one of his words, but here are some different words that start with K:


Koopa Troopa: One of the most basic and well-known of Bowser's Henchmen. Those little turtles pack a punch despite only being good for walking back and forth. They are also among the oldest enemies in the Mario series, appearing as "Shellcreepers" in the original Mario Bros game. Not "Super Mario Bros," mind you, the ORIGINAL Mario Bros. With the pipes and the crabs and everything. It wasn't until "Super Mario World" when someone finally realized that it would really neat if the Koopas could pop out of their shells. And it was, this simple little idea drastically improved the gameplay. It still didn't stop eight of them from marching in front of a lone shell that would coincidentally gave you a 1-Up if you managed to kick the shell at them.

A Koopa Troopa was also among the original 8 playable characters in the original Mario Kart game on the SNES. He was a heavyweight for some reason, but he was one of my favorite racers right after Toad. In Mario Kart 64, he was replaced by Wario and it was never the same. It wasn't until Double Dash on Gamecube where he made a triumphant comeback, and has been back in all of the games after that one. He remains as my favorite racer on Mario Kart Wii, where he's now a lightweight with Toad.

In the same vein as Goombas and Shy Guys, aside from being stupid, changing their color and giving them accessories changed what they were called and what they did. The most common of the Koopa Troopas were the Green Shelled ones, who just walked in a straight line, and the Red Shelled ones, who moved side to side and knew where cliffs were. Giving them blue shells made Yoshi fly, yellow ones made the Koopas invincible until Yoshi swallowed them and could create earthquakes with them. The red shells would also cause Yoshi to spit fire.

Adding wings made them Parakoopas. Adding a cape made them Super Koopas. Giving them helmets and hammers created Hammer Bros. Giving them a cloud to ride on create Lakitu. Making them fat and putting on a football helmet? Chargin' Chuck. Give them wands and put robes on them creates Magikoopas. Skeletons? Dry Bones. And so on.

Coincidentally, putting spikes on their shells made them either Minibosses (like Boom Boom), or bosses themselves, like the next entry.

The Koopalings: Yes, you can't talk about Koopas without talking about Bowser's seven children. Making their only major appearances in Super Mario Bros 3 and Super Mario World, these are characters who have been majorly underused. After some research after writing that last sentence, it seems that they also appeared as bosses in "Mario Is Missing" and "Mario & Luigi Superstar Saga." I'm seriously behind on my portable RPGs, I seriously need to play Superstar Saga, I hear it's good. In recent games, they have been upstaged by Bowser Jr. The network seems to have added him mid-season when the other 7 children were becoming less cute, thereby having to avoid covering actual issues. I wouldn't call him "Cousin Oliver," he's more like those Cosby Kids who appear during the season premiere and are somehow retconned into the series by explaining that they were just standing outside of the camera range the entire time.

In case you were going to ask, their names are Larry, Lemmy, Iggy, Roy, Wendy O., Ludwig von, and Morton Jr. All but Larry and Morton Jr. are named after musicians (Lemmy Kilmister, Iggy Pop, Roy Orbison, Wendy O. Williams, Ludwig von Beethoven), while the other two are named after talk show hosts (Larry King & Morton Downey Jr.)

Kirby: Moving on to a different game series, the Kirby series happens to be one of my favorites. Kirby is a pink puffball hailing from the planet Popstar who inhales enemies to gain their powers and usually battles a giant duck named King Dedede in order to preserve the Fountain of Dreams so Popstar can sleep easier. Yeah, I have no idea what's in the drinking water in Japan, but I want some. I have been a fan since I first played Kirby's Adventure on the NES, which remains one of my favorite games to the point of playing it through again on Virtual Console.

I also firmly believe that Kirby Superstar on the SNES is the best Kirby game ever made. Not only do you have about 20 powers to choose from (my favorite being Mirror), the game is comprised of 7 different short games including a full-scale rehash of Kirby's Dream Land, a race game between Kirby & Dedede where you must beat the other player while eating the most food, a treasure hunting adventure game, a timed adventure game featuring the kickass Meta-Knight, a short Kirby's Adventure-like game, and a game where you travel across the galaxy to summon a wish-granting satellite to stop the Sun and Moon from fighting each other. Yeah. When you beat all of these games, you unlock "The Arena," where you battle every villain in the game with only a single life.

Whenever I'm not constantly wondering why this awesome game isn't on Virtual Console, I think about the upcoming Re-Release on the DS at the end of the year. Awesome. Also expect future blogs on the Best & Worst Kirby Abilities.

Ketchup: Here it is, the almighty Ketchup! My favorite of the condiments, it's a fact that out of the last 8 or 9 years, there's about 6 days total where I went 24 hours without a single drop of the stuff. Hell, I've been known to drink it straight out of the bottle. It's strange: I hate tomatoes, but love ketchup, but I don't know why. Like many people out there, I put Ketchup on almost everything, even stuff that should not have ketchup anywhere near it. I've tried it on ribs, corn on the cob, steak, lettuce, shrimp, raw onions, mashed potatoes, coleslaw, carrots, hot wings, Ruffles potato chips, even slices of bread. The only foods that it doesn't seem to improve are breakfast items like Pancakes, Waffles and French Toast, not to mention Pizza. I'll stick to syrup for those, thank you very much.

I'm also from the region of the country that calls it "Ketchup." I seriously have no clue as to why people spell it as "Catsup."



Is it seriously pronounced as "Cat-sup," or is it spelled that way and pronounced as "Ketch-up" simply to piss me off? Hell, even the spellcheck agrees with me. I'd like to travel in time to find the guy who first coined the word and bash him in the face with a "Ketchup" Bottle. Perhaps I already did and the guy went through with the wording simply because of the experience.

My brand of choice is "Heinz," all other brands simply bow down mercilessly to it. Hunt's? Fuck you, you're just an impostor! My favorite bottle is the 62oz ones that you buy in twin packs at Costco. I've eaten ketchup so much that I've been able to determine that it has a different taste depending on which bottle it comes out of. The best ones are from the giant Costco bottles and the glass bottles you find in diners. The worst ones are those dumb squeeze tubes that were used when they sold Green, Blue and Purple ketchup. As much as I admired the concept, that ketchup sucked! Red simply occurs in nature, eating a burger with blue sauce dripping from it instinctively causes one to gag.

I also hate ketchup packets to the core. Sure, opening the first two are easy, but when you open multiples of 6 like I do, you hands begin to get greasy and it makes gripping those little ridges at the top of the packet that much harder. When my high school cafeteria decided to not use those huge squeeze jugs of ketchup, they replaced them with ketchup packets. Every single day I protested this and question right to the cafeteria people that they had actively sought to make me angry in order to bring it back and never did.

So when I got to college and found that the squeeze jug is plentiful, you could only imagine the freakout I give whenever it runs dry.



Speaking of K, I can't believe I actually saw Kazaam in the theaters. I'm one of those eight people who are still awaiting their refund.





"The KKK took my baby away, they took her away, away from me-eee."

Friday The 13th Strikes Again!

I know Friday the 13th is mostly just superstition, but some important stuff just happened:

First, R Kelly got aquitted in his trial.

And not even an hour after that ruling, Tim Russert dies of a heart attack.

Probably couldn't handle the news. This is crappy news, I liked him.

J: A Jrop of Golden Jun?

Hey, it's Friday! I'm happy to say that my Summer class is finally over and that I can actually get some sleep done. Also, I'm announcing that I had a summer class that went on until now.

Fun fact about this letter: J is the only letter that does not appear on the Periodic Table.

I remember first being taught about the letter J. It makes the same sound as the "G" in "Giraffe." Jiraffe sounds kind of silly on text, but I fear that it'll become acceptable in the future and the current typing will be the one that will have the red squiggle under it.

Here are some other things that start with J.

Jim Carrey: Say what you will about this guy, but I love him. In fact, he was my main inspiration into being skewed towards comedy. I remember the exact moment when it happened: It was when I saw "Dumb & Dumber" in the movie theater and there was that scene where Jim's character had that dream where he's fighting people in a restaurant. It was where I realized "I now know what I was put on this planet to do: make people laugh." Sure, he's done a few clunkers recently, but I believe that he can do no wrong. The Mask is one of my favorite movies and is one of only two flicks that I saw twice in the theater. It may not come as a surprise to you folks that the other one is the Simpsons Movie.

Jessica: There is something about this name that I love. I know it might seem sexist, awkward and weird, but every woman that I have ever met that had the name "Jessica" was attractive. I absolutely don't know why, it seems that beauty is attached to the name. Case in point: Jessica's Biel, Tandy, Simpson, Alba, Rabbit. There have also been a few local Jessica's in my life that I've had crushes on, but I'll get into that another time. Maybe.

I actually looked up the meaning of the name and found this: "The name Jessica comes from the Hebrew origin. In Hebrew The meaning of the name Jessica is: Rich. God beholds. The daughter of Shylock in Shakespeare's play 'The Merchant of Venice'." It's also one of the most popular names for girls, it was the #1 name from the 1980s to the early 2000s. I'm not a fan of the new generation of names. I'd hate to go to a Kindergarten class in 5 years and find at least 6 versions of the name "Unique" or "Miley."

Jetfire: My favorite Autobot Transformer of all time. (On the other side of the coin, my favorite Decepticon is Soundwave). The original Generation 1 toy/character is the most memorable version and is the version one that everyone remembers and loves about him. He was, well, an awesome-looking jet that was made from a mold from a standard Macross/Robotech transforming jet. His backstory is nothing short of amazing: Back on Cybertron, he was a scientist that was best friends with Starscream. When the Great War occurred, Jetfire (called Skyfire in the cartoon for some reason) stayed behind while Starscream left to wage his destruction. When Jetfire arrived on Earth, he discovered Starscream as a member of the Decepticons. Not aware that the Decpticons are the evil transformers, Jetfire had trusted his best friend that the Autobots were the baddies and joins up. When he finally learns the truth, he actually tears off the Decpticon logo on his chest and slaps on an Autobot one that came from nowhere. I never got that detail, do all Transformers just have stickers of both logos on them at all times in the event that they ever defect to the other side?

Since the figure was mostly white with several smaller red attachments that could easily get lost along with the facts that large die cast figures like him could easily break, Jetfire is among the most sought-after of all transformers. It's not unusual to find it on eBay in excess of $50-$100, even higher if it has all of its accessories and/or in mint condition in its box. The highest one I've seen on eBay was around $500 for an extremely rare Decepticon variant. So rare, in fact, that I had no idea that it existed until I found it being auctioned off.

One of my most prized possessions is indeed a G1 Jetfire figure without its accessories in decent condition that I found at a flea market a few years ago. The cost? Three dollars. I kid you not, the guy selling it had no idea what it was. The figure in the condition that I bought him in could probably fetch around $25 or so.

I was like "Quit playin'," but he was honest and told me that it was something his kids played with that he didn't know what it was. I should mention that it was in its Jet mode, which is probably what caused the man's confusion. Finding the opportunity of a lifetime, it was quickly snatched and cleaned up to be put on display for all to see.

Johnny: My favorite character from the classic disaster spoof movie "Airplane!" Played by the late Steven Stucker, he was just this background character who'd pop into a scene with a hilarious interjection.

McCroskey: "Bad news: The fog is getting thicker."
Johnny: *jumps into scene* "And Leon's getting Laaaaaaaaarrrrgerrrr!" *jumps out of scene*

Nevermind Leslie Nielson all counting on us and asking us to not call him "Shirley," Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Peter Graves asking Joey if he's ever been in a Turkish Prison, Barbara Billingsly talking Jive, even Robert Stack picking the wrong week to quit sniffing glue, Johnny is the best character in the whole damn movie.

Don't believe me? Watch this video chronicling his two total minutes of screen time:







"He's a Jukebox Hero. He's got stars in his eyes."






"Jammin' on The One, Jammin' on The One. Jam, Jam, Jam, Jammin' on The One."

"Eye" Just Can't Help Myself!

I assure you, the title is the first & only time on this blog where I'll be making that pun. I guarantee that you will never see that lame stunt pulled again.

So many words start with I, but many of them are two letter words that make the English language function as smooth as it does.

I, If, It, Is, In, and Igloble. Don't recognize that last one? I just invented it. Without these simple words, how could you tell people what you're doing? Or identifying some object? What about the opposite of "Out?"

Here are some actual words that begin with I.


Inspiration: An important word in my mind. I have several awesome ideas, they can all be due to inspiration, which comes from various sources. Usually inspiration comes in the form of reading or watching something interesting and then originating an idea to possibly improve on it. Some might call it "plagiarism," "laziness," or "theft," but I call it "Improvement." It's one thing to put your own spin on a topic (like the series I'm currently creating), but to steal/plagiarize it is completely different.

There are many times when I'm just laying down, mind completely blank, and then all of a sudden the thought of "I should write down some directions on how Mice can successfully handle Super Soakers!" would pop into my brain out of nowhere. I let many subjects "come to me," as in, I let my fingers to the typing and see what I get. Several of these blogs have originated from that very premise, especially the "Just For Kicks" entry where I typed down random phrases to have the blog be more accessible in Google Searches. Beaming For Bunnies is the #1 search for "Mustard Yellow Pinkjam!"

Where exactly have I received most of my inspiration? Believe it or not, it's either in the bathroom or driving. I'm casually taking a shower, and it suddenly hits me: I thought of five new words for one of these entries!

IHOP: The International House of Pancakes for those of you who actually need to be told what the acronym stands for. I love this place, but I never go there that often. Yes, it's a chain, but a delicious one at that. Sure, there may be better places to get pancakes, but you can't say "no" to eating at a place shaped like a Blue-Roofed Cathedral.

It was Lewis Black who mentioned that IHOP was his health club: "It's my health club because whenever you go to the International House of Pancakes, there's always someone there 500 pounds heavier than you'll ever be!" It's also where Lewis heard the immortal phrase "If it weren't for my horse, I would've never spent that year in college." And yes, the phrase "Hoggle of Coffee" perfectly describes the jug that you get your bean on with.

There's also no beating their Blueberry Syrup. Sorry "Strawberry," "Butter Pecan," and "Original," blue rules all.

Insomniac: I'm not the only person that watched this great Comedy Central show. Dave Attell, awesome, filthy New York comedian travels through major cities in the dead of night while getting drunk at the same time, armed only with his hat, his camera crew, and a disposable camera. You'd be surprised what actually goes on at night besides all the weird bars and clubs that he visits. Every episode started off with Attell performing a set in a local comedy club, and then begins his staggering through the midnight madness until the break of dawn. It seemed like a great job, and I loved watching each episode to see just what exactly goes on while we're all asleep and/or being shut-ins at night.

Among the things he's seen are attending a few night rodeos, go Nutria hunting, commit all 7 Deadly Sins in one night in Amsterdam (and succeeds!), take the Portland Underground Tour, travel through a few fetish clubs, visit the Moonlight Bunny Ranch, take a midnight tour of Six Flags New Orleans, visit Anchorage during the Summer Solstice where the sun was shining through the dead of night, and drink at a bar in NYC for dogs. One of my favorite episodes was, naturally, where he drinks his way back to NYC by starting at the East end of Long Island and travelling west. He even sees the Big Duck in Flanders!

Invader Zim: A cartoon at the top of the list of "Awesome Nickelodeon Cartoons Cancelled Before Their Time," which include The Angry Beavers, Ahh! Real Monsters, El Tigre, and the Spumco version of Ren & Stimpy. I'd add Rocko's Modern Life, but it had a good run and probably would've ended up as Camp Lazlo anyway.

Created by Jhonen Vasquez, the demented mind behind "Johnny The Homicidal Maniac," this was truly one of the greatest and most original Nicktoons to date. It was a about an alien named Zim (Richard Horvitz) who travels to Earth with his robot sidekick GIR (Rikki Simmons. Even GIR doesn't know what the "G" stands for in his name) in order to try and take over the World. Unfortunately, he sucks at it. He hails from the planet Irk, where rank is determined by height. Zim is fairly tiny for his race, and is the same height as a middle schooler. He also reaches Earth by accident, as he was "assigned" to take over a mystery planet as part of Irk's "Operation: Impending Doom 2." Did I mentioned that he was exiled to the planet Foodcourtia after some...mishaps during "Operation: Impending Doom I."

His only rival is his classmate Dib, who is an Amateur Paranormal Investigator. In the world of Invader Zim, Dib is the only reasonably intelligent main character besides Zim, so no one believes his accusations that Zim is an alien and believe he is crazy. The plots mostly focused on these dynamics, but had more aimless topics with a truly dark and/or random feel. A good example is the episode "Dark Harvest" where Zim is convinced by Dib that he would apear more human if he had human organs, so he decides to steal the organs of all the kids in school until he is a massive blob of organs. Another great one is "Room With A Moose," where Zim attempts to send a school bus full of his classmates into a wormhole in space that leads to a dimension that is nothing more than a small, white room with a freaky moose in it. "Say moosey Fate!"

I'll admit, I started out in writing by writing Invader Zim fanfictions. Fortunately for you people, none of the works from that time will ever see the light of day. They were mostly plagiarisms with Invader Zim characters in place of others, nowhere as good and funny as my current stuff (ie, what you're reading now), and full of terrible Mary Sue-like characters. Basically, like every other piece of fanfiction found everywhere. Hey, at least I didn't put the characters into unlikely pairings and had them constantly make out to each other with Linkin Park lyrics inbetween every paragraph.

In short, it was dark, it was well-animated and well-written, GIR was hilarious, and it was cancelled too damn soon. One reason behind it was that Nick realized that they actually gave a kid's cartoon to the guy who created Johnny The Homicidal Maniac. They claimed it was due to "low ratings," but that was because they had the show in the Friday 9:30pm time slot when most of their target demographic was either asleep or watching Cartoon Network. They also pulled the old "Bait & Switch" on us. Sure, they'd advertise an episode airing in the usual time slot, but instead have the same episode of "Baxter & Bananas" play twice in a row.

It's cancellation was the main reason that I have lost all faith in Nickelodeon. Besides what I said in the last paragraph, Nick didn't simply let the network air every episode in a season and then decide not to renew it. No, it did the rare feat by cancelling it while several episodes where in pre- or mid-production. For those of you who have the 3rd and 4th volumes on DVD, several of these unaired or unfinished episodes never saw the light of day, with a majority of them never airing in the United States for some reason. For at least six episodes, only the voice tracks were completed, so we hear awesomeness, but we can't see it. In the last real episode to actually air on Nick "The Most Horrible Xmas Ever," there's evidence for a few plot points that we never got to see, such as the existence of Minimoose (his premiere episode was one of those audio-only episodes) and the plot line of Dib's spaceship (which was the subject of 2 episodes that only made it to DVD and are awesome.) I'll also add that it has only been aired twice on Nickelodeon since the series untimely demise in 2002.

Fun Fact: Invader Zim premiered on March 31, 2001, the same night as Fairly Oddparents. Sadly, we all know which one lasted longer.




My favorite lolcat image. No other lolcat can has the glory of being as great as this one.


iPod: Those little MP3 players that everyone but me has. It's not that I can't afford it, I can. It's just that I don't want to shell out $150+ for something like a nano and then actually buy every single favorite song ever. Apple is kind of a bitch like that. I just never wanted one either, I didn't have that many songs that I liked and I didn't want to go with the flow. This subject came into my view when my MOM of all people got one. As I started to tinker with it, I realized that you can put all the songs on your CDS into iTunes and transfer them to the iPod.

Hmm...interesting. There's also the feature of having videos and podcasts on the iPod as well. The most basic of iPod holds at least 500 songs. What I'm concerned about is if I do actually get one, I just know that on the following day of my purchase. Steve Jobs will unveil a newer, cheaper, smaller version that holds a million songs, is the size of my thumbnail and dispenses yogurt. The possibility of iGalileo is slim, but it's becoming a possibility. The technology to make one a 2D shadow when rocking out to Rihanna has become more advanced in the last few years.

If you ask me, the prefixing of of "i" to everything is nothing more than a fad on its way out. Did no one remember the rise and fall of "e"? Lowercase "i" just isn't that cool or trendy anymore. Now "g," that's an attractive letter you can depend on!


If you need me, I'm going to go think up a definition for Igloble.





"You can't get very far in life without saying 'is,' now can you?"

H looks like a goalpost, doesn't it?

Or a part of a ladder. Whatever works.

What am I thinking? I had great prospects with this little series until I realized that I had to actually blog every day. 26 is a lot of letters. I'm only...8 letters in?! I must not stop now! I have my tens of readers to share my geekery with, and they'll be slightly off-put if this should end now!

With that out of the way, here are some things that start with H.



"Hot" Crayons: This is the term I referred to all of the bright, fluorescent colors in the Crayola Crayon box. With names like "Electric Lime," "Shocking Pink," and yes, "Hot Magenta," these were the best and brightest colors of the 96 color bunch. After "Silver," "Gold," and those limited edition crayons that had glitter in them, the "Hot" colors were the most sought after during Coloring Time. They were mostly used to color lights, the sun, or were just used because they looked so much better and brighter than the other colors. As we all know, bright colored things are awesome. I was surprised to read that most of them were created in or after 1990, way beyond the time of Day-Glo's heyday. Then again, I wasn't born yet when Day-Glo was popular, perhaps I'm lucky.

Horse Racing: The third race in the Triple Crown, the Belmont Stakes, was run this past Saturday. For my fellow Long Islanders: I'm glad that it's finally over. You see, Big Brown, the winner of this year's Kentucky Derby & Preakness, was bred & trained on Long Island. When word got out that this year's Triple Crown Flavor of The Month was a LIer, shit broke loose. Big Brown Fever was everywhere in the media, and a capacity crowd was expected at Belmont, his "Home Track." You would've sworn that Big Brown was the title of the next Harry Potter book with the amount of hype he received. Hell, hopes were looking up when news broke that his biggest competition had been scratched the day of the race. I was at work when the race started and I had mentioned that I would've loved to have seen a Triple Crown Win actually occur in my lifetime, but I would giggle madly if he ended up losing.

Imagine the look on my face when I found out that he not only lost, but came in dead last!! (This is to all for formalities. When you read this entry a year from now, it won't look as topical and dumb.)

Half-Price Appetizers: Not as awesome as "Free Food," but it's still an important phrase in the Collegiate Dictionary. Usually offered by Applebee's, the after-10 hour begins a promotion where all appetizers are half-price until closing. Like the broke college students we are, it's an excuse to eat cheap and to celebrate a birthday or two at the same time. After so many Half-Price Bdays at Applebee's, I had to call it quits after a while because I was getting tired of the place. It's been several months now since the last time I went to one of those events, but I know of a few birthdays coming up.

It also seems that Buffalo Wild Wings participates in this promotion as well. They have better-sounding appetizers and I'll be checking those out pretty soon.

HersheyPark: Among my list of "Amusement Parks That I Really Want To Go Back To." Located in the town of Hershey, Pennsylvania, it is one of the corner stones of the great Hershey candy corporation. I haven't been to the park in several years (last time was probably 2002) and I distinctly remember smelling chocolate everywhere. The coaster count at this park is nowhere near Cedar Point's, but manages to showcase an impressive 11 coasters. Its newest, Fahrenheit, opened just this year. There were only 9 coasters the last time I went there, the newest one at the time was the water coaster Roller Soaker. During that visit, I managed to accomplish the feat of riding every single one of them in a single day. Nine coasters is not that impressive, but the Trailblazer coaster is an enormous bitch for people taller than five feet.

There's also the famous Chocolate World, the simulated tour of how Hershey chocolate is made. From its beginnings as spiders living in cocoa beans, to its completion the Hershey Kisses you're probably eating right now, the tour gives moderate detail on what exactly happens between the closed doors of the actual factory, but with chocolate scents bring fanned around you! The tour ends in what is probably the largest Hershey Store in the country, which is awesome in its own right. Sadly, I thought the Times Square Hershey Store was impressive, but the M&Ms store right across the street from it puts it to absolute shame. Three huge floors compared to a single cramped one? I'll stick to going back on the tour to get my free sample at the end.

Before you ask, yes, there actually is a Hershey Highway. I must say that I hate travelling down that road. It's as awful going into it as it is coming back out.

Hobgoblins: One of my favorite MST3K movies. Though many films they covered may claim the title, Hobgoblins stands as one of the worst movies they ever riffed. It's so bad that its shown to Mike & The Bots as a punishment, and unlike the parents of today, this lived up to its warning. Made in 1989, it's nothing more than an awful, awful ripoff of Gremlins with the title monsters getting a maximum of five minutes of screen time. "Look at the nothing! Look at the nothing!"

The basic premise is that our wimpy protagonist, a young security guard, accidentally releases the Hobgoblins from their imprisonment in a vault on an abandoned movie lot and he must put them back before the sun rises. Why, you ask? The Hobgoblins feed on the fantasies of people and manipulate their thoughts to become real and have their victims ultimately kill themselves and/or others. If they do this to enough people, they'll become powerful enough to destroy the world and will become even stronger during daytime. I won't, and don't wish to, reveal much of what happens, but the "climax" occurs in the worst strip club ever.

The only things of note are the cameo appearance of Darran Norris, who is most known as the voice of Cosmo on the Fairly Oddparents and various other voices in the animation industry, and "Great Parking Moments." The rest of it is either flat, dumb, cheesy to the point of being embarrassing, and at one point, Mike & The Bots actually post up cardboard cutouts of themselves in the theater in order to sneak away from the movie for a few minutes. Watch the goodness here.



If I manage to keep my composure, expect the entry for I up tomorrow!




[H is also for Homestar Runner. It's where yesterday's blog title is from. But more specifically, it's from this issue of Teen Girl Squad.]

I can count to G!

Happy Tuesday, all. It's time to focus on a favorite letter of mine, G. It's a hefty piece of real estate.

Galileo: My moniker for this blog, and a majority of the Internet. But where does it come from? I'll tell you right now: It's my fraternity nickname. The nickname comes from my college's annual talent show, where the pledge classes from all of the Greek organizations act out a random skit. One of the things my class had to do was lip sync "Bohemian Rhapsody." Guess who was Freddy Mercury? There's your answer.

Grover: Far and away one of the greatest of the Sesame Street Muppet's. He's the man, and can do almost anything and it would be awesome. He could teach you the difference between neeeeear and...FAAAAAAAAARRRRR!!!, play Super Grover to save the world from the Letter of The Day, or just annoy the Fat Blue Muppet that's in all of his segments with manic exuberance. He could surely kick Elmo's ass 8 times, because that's the number that today's show is sponsored by.

Hell, he's the star of one of my all-time favorite Kid's books "There's A Monster At The End of This Book!" (Spoiler: It's him. Sorry kids.) And who could forget "Monster In The Mirror," which gave me one of my very first exposures to the Simpsons. Wubba-wubba-wubba woo woo woo, Hubba-wubba-wubba and a doddily doo. I have not heard that song in several years, that was completely by memory.

Played by Frank Oz, he's among the great pantheon of furry blue Muppet's which include Herry Monster, Cookie Monster, and our next subject.

The Great Gonzo: Another furry blue Muppet, he's one of the all-stars of the Muppet Show, and one of my personal favorites. Technically, he's one of the only main Muppet's to be in every episode, thanks to his weekly trumpet blowing after the theme song. Another hapless Muppet performer like Fozzie, he strives to be liked despite his bizarre behavior. His awesomely unique feats include eating a tire to "The Flight of The Bumblebee," demolishing a car with a hammer to the tune of "The Anvil Chorus," balancing himself on a tightrope while holding a piano and reciting the 7 times tables, hypnotizing chickens, and showing off dancing cheese. Usually these acts would cause him to get booed off the stage moments after the curtains rise, but he eventually ends them himself due to his own misfortunes.

For those of you like me who watched Muppet Babies as a kid, you may be familiar with the running theme of Gonzo's crush on Miss Piggy. It was an interesting dynamic to say the least, but I shall reveal that this crush ultimately ended in the Madeline Kahn episode of the Muppet Show." When Ms. Kahn rejected his marriage proposal, he then settled on an obsession for chickens, namely Camilla. He's also one of the rare Muppet's to have a movie devoted to him, in his case it was "Muppet From Space" where it's revealed that Gonzo is an alien...but the species is still unnamed.

Another aspect that I love about this Muppet is his name. I find it hilarious that in "Muppet Christmas Carol," he's credited as "The Great Gonzo." Alliteration bonus! +5!

Garfield Minus Garfield: The classic comic strip Garfield is a favorite of mine, even if it has been...lagging in the last few years. JON GOING OUT WITH LIZ IS KILLING THE WHOLE DAMN STRIP...sorry bout that, must be my trick knee acting up again. Anyway, the strip itself with Garfield is amusing and a somewhat sense of normalcy among the funny pages with its quirky characters and story lines. But then a guy named Dan Walsh decided "what if I took Garfield out and left everyone else in?"

You would think it's freaky enough that Jon talks to his cat, whose only thoughts are known to us, but when you take Garfield out altogether the strip becomes much different. No more wisecracks or "I hate Mondays;" what we see is a lonely man on the brink of schizophrenia and manic-depression. What used to be simple jokes about how Jon loves polyester accordions are now views into his life with several empty panels with no one to talk (or think) back to him, just like a normal person would when talking to inanimate objects. When Jim Davis got work of this, he didn't send his drone of Cease & Desist lawyers like he usually does. It turns out that he loves it!

Guy Fieri: I told you back in the A entry that I'd cover this Food Network Personality. He happens to be the first winner of the reality show "The Next Food Network Star," and unlike some shows, it actually kept up its end of the bargain and Guy is somewhat of a household name of Food Network junkies. He hosts a cooking show "Guy's Big Bite," and a road show called "Diners, Drive-In & Dives," where he showcases odd mom & pop places around the country.

The main problem that some people have with him is his personality. He's 40 years old, but looks and talks like a 22 year old over-tanned California surfer. He also spouts "hip" fifty-cent catchphrases such as "bonzer," "off the hook," "that's how I roll," or "that's money" whenever describing something that's delicious. I don't find him to be that particularly annoying, he's a much better FN Personality than, say, Paula Deen or, God forbid, Rachel Ray, but there are some qualities about him that I've noticed in his shows.

His "Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives" show is a favorite of mine, where Guy goes into these odd little restaurants to check out the decor and the food from the kitchen itself. Usually in kitchens people were things like gloves, and nets, and shoes, but not Guy. He just strolls in with some flip flops and bare hands and samples food that's fresh to the point of still being in the pan. Sometimes this is not enough: it's not uncommon for him to casually walk up to a few customers and happily eat their food. He always take huge bites that would make a Hoover proud, and even gives commentary while spitting the food back to its preparer with his still-crammed hamster pouch. That should raise some eyebrows and health issues, and I hear that newer episodes are filmed while the restaurant is thankfully closed. If I ever went to a place and found out that an episode was being filmed the day I was there, I would think twice on which entree to order. Click here for a great example where he does everything but eats food that's not on his plate. He almost does, but he simply settles on ogling his neighbors' plates.

I liken him to two ideas: The first, with his deplorable food manners and his habit of not taking any precautions in the kitchen liken him to Cookie Monster. You always see him eat and eat but never swallow a thing! The other, which is his Diner show itself, reminds me of that old SNL sketch where Phil Hartman plays Bill Clinton jogging into a McDonalds and eats everyone's food while everyone stares in awe. The people at this thread at Television Without Pity have addressed all of these issues, and have even given him the nickname "Tater Tot." To paraphrase Dan: Don't ask, just read.


Hope you liked today's letter, check in tomorrow for things that start with H!




"That's nothing, I can count from Purple backwards!"

Why The F Not?

I'll tell you why the F not, because that's today's letter. F! I hope no one out there got any this semester.

Futurama: One of my favorite animated shows of all time, combining the hilarity of the Simpsons and Science Fiction that had far surpassed Geekery and emerges in Nerd territory. Like another F-lettered series Family Guy, it premiered in 1999 and, while gaining a cult following, was shamefully cancelled by the "brilliant" Fox Execs after four production seasons. Also like Family Guy, years of reruns and excellent DVD sales (not to mention a few Molotov Cocktails not, um, tossed by me) have prompted a long-awaited revival. But unlike FG, where it continues to the point where we almost regret bringing it back, the show has come back in four Direct-To-DVD movies that will be aired on Comedy Central.

The first movie "Bender's Big Score," has already come and gone, but the second entry "Beast With A Billion Backs" hits stores June 24! I assure you that I'll be first on line for that one.

Fozzie Bear: Anyone who knows the muppets knows Fozzie Bear, the wisecracking jokester on The Muppet Show and beyond. Performed by by the incredible Frank Oz (another F!), this character rose from a hapless background comic relief in Season 1 to the Superstar he is today. The inadvertent bane of Statler & Waldorf's existences, the Muppet Show audience seems to like him more than Gonzo's acts but slightly below Marvin Suggs, and have been known to erupt into cheer whenever news breaks that he is unable to perform.

I'm beginning to wonder when Fozzie first adopts his catchphrase "Wokka Wokka Wokka!" I'm about 3/4 into watching the 3rd season of the Muppet Show on DVD (his face adorns the cover to boot!) and he has yet to utter it.

Feasting on Asphalt: One of Alton Brown's signature shows on Food Network. I mentioned this briefly in the A entry, but I haven't gone into detail. After watching the mini-marathon of Season 2 on Saturday, I have truly realized how great this series is. It's a travelogue miniseries where Alton and an entourage of his buddies travel along the Mississippi River coast on motorcycles searching for great food destinations. Did I mention that he narrates the whole thing, still keeping up with his wit and awesome geekishness? You should have seen my face when wandering through a Border's one day to stumble upon Feasting on Asphalt: The Book! I'd want him to read the audiobook version, but I soon realized that it would completely defeat the purpose of watching the tv show

Among the locations that Alton visits in the episode that I managed to catch in the 1am rerun are the birthplace of Popeye The Sailor with a giant statue erected in his honor. Alton a few of his crew take part in a tribute meal of the consumption of Popeye brand Canned Spinach right next to the statue. Lucky Bastard.

He also visits the town of Alton, Illinois where he was horrified to discover that he had been pronouncing his name incorrectly his whole life (Al-Ton as opposed to Awl-Ton), and visits the Pie-Town restaurant that serves excellent pies as well as "The Best Pecan Pie North of The Mason-Dixon." He mentions that his rapper name would be Pie-Town. I would totally buy an album with that name, even if he currently needs no help doing so as is.

Free Food: The two greatest words in the college language. At my college, any mention of "Free Food" will send people running in anticipation no matter what's being given away. A one or two dollar "donation" is usually a deal-breaker for me. Hell, in this economy, free anything is a plus. Free ketchup? I'm there! Free mints? Sign me up! Free wet napkins? Damn, call the pit boss, I just won the fucking lottery!!

Freakazoid: Like Earthworm Jim in the previous post, this cartoon was also one of the original shows in the Kids' WB Lineup. Once again, it was short-lived and underrated. Created by Bruce Timm, who was also the mastermind behind the Superman, Batman, and Justice League series of recent date (hell, the whole DCAU), it was seemingly the corner stone of the superhero awesomeness that was to come. Fortunately for us, what we received was one of the most hilariously bizarre shows to ever emerge from the 90s that had not been seen before, and sadly since. It involved a computer nerd named Dexter Douglas receiving a manic alter-ego after accidentally inputting a special code sequence that pulled him into the Internet of 1995, and using this new persona to save the world only he knew how.

He was more insane and funny than super-powered, but he definitely had powers of his own. He had wit, he had blue skin, he had speed, he could almost fly (consisting of running around while holding out his arms), and would usually defeat villains by yelling at them. His best friends were his girlfriend Stef, Police Sergeant Cosgrove (voiced and designed after Ed Asner), his butler Professor Jenkins (Richard Harris) and his "driving instructor" Roddy McStew (voiced by pre-Drew Carey Show & talk show host Craig Ferguson). Other reoccurring characters on his show included Fanboy (played by Flounder from Animal House), Foamy The Freakadog, the Monty Python-Esque Lord Bravery, The Huntsman (whose cartoons only involved him reacting to a false alarm of his Horn of Urgency) and Emmit Neverend, a strange non-speaking character that appears somewhere in every episode to create a elaborate geekish "Where's Waldo?" game. Among the villains he fought were The Lobe, Cave Guy, Arms Akimbo (a con artist whose arms are frozen in the hands-on-hips position), and *whispers* Candle Jack...

This show was originally on an old list of mine of Cartoons That Aren't On DVD (But Should Be). All my firebombing at WB seems to have paid off as a Season 1 release has finally been confirmed for July! I strongly believe that the kids of today are maldeveloped due to the lack of exposure to this great show. Now they'll finally be enriched in their dull lives!

Ok, I'm obviously not getting the message out by writing about it, just watch this video:






[F is also for Four, the number of times Emmit Neverend appears in the above video]

E is for Pants

Ah, E. That letter of the alphabet that looks like a backwards 3. We've come to one of the letters already done by someone else, but now I present my own take on the fifth letter.

Earthworm Jim: Yes, the 90s video game series where a worm becomes a superhero when a super suit falls on him from space. A hilariously odd video game series where he battles villains such as Psy-Crow, Evil The Cat, Bob The Fish, and Professor Monkey-For-A-Head. Hell, it was even adapted into a short-lived animated series which was one of the original shows on the Kids' WB lineup. (and, like some of the other shows I mentioned before, was incredibly underrated). Sadly, his last appearance anywhere was in the fighting game "Clayfighter 63 1/3" and its Blockbuster-Exclusive sequel "Clayfighter: Sculptor's Cut"

Just when we thought that this great series was gone forever, its creators at Interplay announced that a full scale revival is in the works! Yes, it seems that a new video game, cartoon series, and movie are in the works, and that the first few games will come to the Wii's Virtual Console. Excellent.

Elekid: My favorite pokemon of all time. He's the Pre-Evolution of Electabuzz, another awesome pokemon (who also got kickass evolution Electivire in the Diamond/Pearl games). What makes this one so special? I haven't really thought about that. Perhaps he evolves into Electabuzz, which is a kickass pokemon in its own right. I also love its design, I especially like the detail of having plugs for ears. Maybe it's his name? The fact that he has a somewhat reoccurring role in the recent season of the anime? I don't really know. What I do know is I think he kicks ass and I love it.

Egg Rolls: I love Egg Rolls. Those Chinese restaurant delights, I don't know what they're made of, but I don't really give a damn. I'm unsure just WHY I like them, I just do. Whenever someone brings leftovers from takeout or someplace and I discover an egg roll, I imagine that Christmas came early for me. I've tried the microwaveable egg rolls that they sell in the supermarket, but I need the pure stuff.

Earboy: Any fan of the 90s Nick sketch show All That will be quite familiar with this name. He was your normal, teenage boy...but with really huge ears. You'd think that this would be completely dumb, but the entire cast made this work. The talented Josh Server, the Tim Meadows of All That, played Earboy as he struggled to fit in and try to be "normal." He originally was in a school where everyone either teased him or fled in terror due to his huge ears; he eventually transferred to a different school with kids of similar deformities: Egghead (egg for a head), Four Eyes (two irises in each eye), Tinseltooth (girl with foil in her mouth), and his best friend Pizzaface (Kel Mitchell with a slice of pizza for a face).

Whenever Earboy felt down in the dumps or was wondering what hilarious scheme he'd get into that sketch, he'd turn to his good friend and mentor Ross Perot, mainly due to being successful while also having big ears. All That was one of those rare kids shows that actually addressed some level of political satire, and Ross Perot was a very timely and hilarious subject. He was hilariously played by Katrina Jenkins, and would always ramble on that he has "Four Billion Dollars." After everyone got too old and left to do other things, the show and my views on Nick itself were never the same.

Elephant Issues: This was Tiny Toon Adventure's obligatory "Preachy" episode with 3 cartoons dealing about stuff you normally wouldn't find on a kid's show unless mandated by the "Cartoon Should Make Kids Learn Even If They Really Don't Have To Foundation." The first two segments are not that special, learning about Illiteracy via Dizzy Devil and a story involving Prejudice with Montana Max and a robot. But it's the final segment, titled "One Beer" that makes it infamous.

It involves Hampton, Plucky, and an out of character Buster (only for the purposes of this cartoon) taking a single sip of beer and becoming trashed off their asses for 7 minutes. They eventually steal a cop's car and drive it off a cliff, where they presumably die. They then walk off the set asking "Do you think we can do a funny show tomorrow?" It's due to this segment that the episode had been shown only once on Fox and once on Nickelodeon before being pulled forever. And I was one of those lucky people who managed to watch it.



(Today's blog title, and yesterday's were inspired by this cartoon)

D is for Lysdexia

After consideration, I've enjoyed typing these entries. I consider the associated words in each entry as "Blog Vignettes" with subjects that I'm probably not patient or creative enough to pull out into full entries, or at least not yet.

As promised, here are some things that begin with the letter D.

Dilbert: One of my favorite comic strips of all time, right behind Calvin & Hobbes and The Far Side. I came to love it when I entered the workforce and found much of the subject matter relating and hilarious. It's the reason why I'm able to see when people are being stupid, as well as why I'll never work in an office. Plus, Dogbert and Catbert are awesome. I'm currently a card-carrying member of Dogbert's New Ruling Class, an organization where every subscriber of the Dilbert Newsletter will have their lives spared when Dogbert finally takes over the world.

There was even a short-lived 30 episode animated series that aired in 1999, which was awesome. It's a cartoon that's greatly underrated and was created, and then purged during the rise & fall of Adult Primetime Cartoon Shows on network tv in the late 90s. More on this subject in the future.

Here is a recent comic that I actually found to be so great that I cut it out of the newspaper:

I don't know about you, but I love the phrase "bag of nothing."

Dan's Corner of The Internet: A blogger friend of mine and a fellow regular at X-E. His blog is filled with an odd mishmash of subjects carried by his own geekish insight. One of my favorite details is his Blogroll (the list of blogs on the right margin), where a funny description of each link pops up when you highlight it. He has the distinction of giving my favorite description for this blog: "Don't ask questions, just click and go read." I highly recommend doing so.

Doughnuts: Is there anything they can't do? Another blogger friend DC had informed me yesterday that it was National Doughnut Day! I keep missing out on these events, so I was ecstatic that I managed to be informed on time for this one. I rarely eat doughnuts, but when I do...delicious. One of my favorites is Strawberry Glazed, which was entirely special during my high school years, as it was the rarest and most sought after of doughnut. Whenever someone gave out Dunkin Donuts, there were usually two of them in a spread of at least 30, and they were usually both gone by the time the box came to me. So when I finally managed to grab one, I made that bitch last.

My other favorite is Bavarian Creme, that hole-less powdered donut with the deliciously sweet cream filling. Whenever I need a burst of energy, I bite into one of these things and it does its job. You should have seen the look on my face when I realized that there are Bavarian Creme Munchkins too! And before you ask: No, Boston Creme is not the same thing. If you give me one of those, you better start running, boy.

Deep-Fried Broccoli: As strange as it may sound, deep-frying is the only way I'll eat broccoli. I don't know why, but it just tastes great, and non-deep frying just won't cut it. It all began years ago during my weekly Saturday Night Diner Dinners with my family. You see, before I didn't want to be seen in public with my parents, Saturday used to be the one day of the week that my parents and I were all home and went out for dinner. One of our main places to go was a local diner, which had great diner food, and inspired my love of Diners. We stopped going there a few years back when it got new owners, despite keeping most of the food the same.

Back in the day, whenever someone ordered an entree that wasn't a burger, they got an appetizer of sorts of deep-fried broccoli. It may have been the breading that they used to coat it, but it tasted fantastic. I had tried to duplicate the flavor not long after they had stopped giving it out, but to no avail. I can still imagine what it tastes like at this very moment, a strange memory effect that also allows me to remember the taste of TMNT Pudding Pies. I should work on perfecting a new recipe for the stuff, I want to eat it again.

Delta Psi Omega: The name of the fraternity that I belong to. I pledged in the spring of 2005 and I have not regretted a minute of it. I will admit that by doing so, it has saved my life in a way. Back during my freshman semester, I was on a real depressive tear. I had only one friend in college, everyone I knew before then had gone off to other things, and some events occurred where I had felt a deep sense of betrayal. Had I not ended up pledging, I would not know where I'd be right now. I do have a great sense of Brotherhood, with my only regret being that I'm not as outgoing or helpful as I'd like to be. Maybe I'll take that class with Wally.

As for stereotypes about Frats? Yes, I know them all, but most of them are not true. Yes, some of them are and every fraternity has brothers who are living Stereotypes, but they're just the tip of the iceberg in terms of diversity. You see past these things and you find that each of them have their own lives, their own problems, their own awesome experiences, their definition of "Brotherhood," their own wishes to leave their college and this world better than how they found it. Not all of us are beer-bong guzzling, screw-em-and-leave-em, beer ponging douchebags, especially with me. I'm bad at beer pong.

(As of this entry, both Dan & DC's blogs are added to the links list! I just wanted to wait until D-Day...which was yesterday)