The Christmas Prophesy: Dennis vs The Wisdom Cube

The Story So Far... (read these first!)
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

19 DAYS REMAIN...

Merv: "Is this map actually guiding us anywhere? I feel like we've been walking for a week."

Clapboard: "It's because we HAVE been walking for a week."

Merv: "And can't these Autobots turn inta cars? It woulda been a lot faster if we were able to drive here. Why couldn't we have traveled by map, anyway?"

Dennis: "Because The Muppets was just a movie. As good as it was, I don't think we should've stopped along our way to see it. Anyway if I remember right, we need to find a giant question mark."

Prowl: "That's a vague landmark. Where are we going to find one of those?"

Dennis: "Hmm...this sure looks like the place."

Optimus: "We can't be too careful!"

Optimus: "Perceptor, what does the map read?"

Perceptor: "According to this, this statue in the form of an Earth question mark is where the first key is located, but I don't see anything else besides the word wisdom..."

POOF!

Cube: "Greeting, travelers!"

Optimus: "Dear Primus, kill it! Kill it with guns!"

Prowl: "Calm down, Prime! Let's just see what it wants!"

Arcee: "Looks like talking sand art if you ask me."

Cube: "I'm not just sand art, milady. I am also The Cube of Wisdom™. I was placed here eons ago to guard the Key of Wisdom, one of the Four Keys of MacGuffin."

Dennis: "So...you're wise?"

Cube: "Yuh-huh."

Dennis: "So what do you do, exactly?"

Cube: "I'm getting to that; I got a whole spiel to say, you know. A-hem. IF THE KEY IS WHAT YOU SEEK, THEN YOU MUST ANSWER ME THESE QUESTIONS THREE."

Merv: "Oh great, one of these trivia things."

Clapboard: "Hey cube guy, you got any rules to this?"

Cube: "Getting to that. Jeez. You're more impolite than the last group, and they wanted to shoot me."

Dennis: "Umm...last group?"

Arcee: "What would've happened if they shot you?"

Cube: "To be honest, nothing would've happened. My body's like a diamond filled with stardust. I just told those guys that by killing me, they would've destroyed the only person in the universe who knew the location of the Key of Wisdom. They easily bought it, though. I couldn't believe it."

Prowl: "What did this other group look like?"

Cube: "You know, kinda like you guys. Big, robots, really nasty fellas."

Optimus: "Decepticons! Those asses beat us here with their map!"

Optimus: "What did you do with them, anyway?"

Cube: "Frankly, I didn't like the look of them, so I asked them a couple of BS questions and gave them a fake key. I had it enchanted so their map would pick up a location for another key. Except all that key would do is open up a hotel room somewhere in Atlantic City."

Prowl: "That's a relief. We can't thank you enough for that."

Cube: "You're welcome, I guess. I was just happy to have someone to talk to for a while."

Dennis: "So what happens now?"

Cube: "Before I was interrupted, I was getting to the rest of the speech. I had this whole ritual memorized hundreds of years ago, and it pisses me off whenever I get thrown off."

Cube: "Now then, the rules are as follows: I ask you the Three Most Important Questions of The Universe. Answer all of them correctly and you get the key. One person must answer all three questions, but they can consult the group before answering. Get one question wrong and pay a steep price, maybe death. Sounds good? Good."

Cube: "Any volunteers?"

Merv: "I ain't answerin' no questions. That's why I left middle school."

Clapboard: "I'd rather just skip to the death part."

Dennis: "And I'm not the test-taking type."

Prowl: "Uhh..."

Arcee: "Hmm..."

Perceptor: "Doot doot doot doot..."

Optimus: FINE! If no wants to do it, I'll just choose! And no bitching if you're it!"

Optimus: "Umm...you!"

Dennis: "M -- Me, Optimus?"

Optimus: "You can do it, Skidz! We believe in you!"

Dennis: "Umm...Thanks."

Merv: "You got this!"

Prowl: "We're here for ya, buddy."

Dennis: "Looks like it's up to me, then."

Dennis: "Ask away, Wisdom Cube!"

Cube: "Allright, what's your name, challenger?"

Dennis: "My name's Dennis. This isn't so bad, right?"

Cube: "That wasn't one of the questions."

Dennis: "...Oh."

Cube: "QUESTION THE FIRST: What is your favorite color?"

Dennis: "Umm...Green."

Cube: "Correct. QUESTION THE SECOND: How many days are there in an Advent Calendar?"

Dennis: "That's an odd question."

Clapboard: "What's an Advent Calendar?"

Merv: "It's this Christmas thing. Once a day leading up to it, you get a gift from a box on this bigger box. There's stories about demons and James Lipton wanting the gifts for some reason."

Optimus: "Who the hell would read stories about those things?"

Dennis: "You'd be surprised, Optimus."



Dennis: "The answer is twenty-four days. Christmas doesn't count."

Cube: "Correct. QUESTION THE THIRD: Who played Wendy Beamish  in the 1985 classic St. Elmo's Fire?"

Prowl: "The hell?"

Arcee: "It's not even the best Brat Pack movie."

Dennis: "Is this seriously one of the Three Most Important Questions of The Universe? Or are you just gonna pawn off a fake key on us, too?"

Cube:  "I'm not playin' you guys. You folks seem like a nice bunch."

Perceptor: "Dennis, may I suggest consulting a database for the answer?"

Perceptor: "This computer I just found should be handy."

Dennis: "Oh yeah, this'll work perfectly!"



Dennis: Now to look up IMDB...Brat Pack...Ahh, there it is!"

Dennis: "It was Mare Winningham, but I have no idea what it has to do with Wisdom."

Cube: "Either way, you were right. Here you go, one key."

Cube: "This here's the genuine Key of Wisdom. I wish you guys good luck on your journey to not destroy the world."

Dennis: "Awesome."

KEY GET!

Perceptor: "Attention everyone: The map is indeed showing the path to the next key. I suggest we roll out at once."

Optimus: "Agreed. Cube Guy, thanks for everything, but we need to get the hell outta here."

Cube: "No prob, guys."

Dennis: "...I just hope Kirby and Seaspray are doing okay."

Merv: "They'll be fine. I've played some of Kirby's games before, he'll kick some ass and get ta Santa in no time."

Clapboard: "Even though I haven't known you guys for a while, I understand that you're worried about your friends."

Dennis: I know...

MEANWHILE...

Kirby: "Man, this trek to the North Pole was more dangerous than I thought. Who knew it would be so...cold?"

Seaspray: "I'm just happy that we get to do something. Any case, we should reach the North Pole in a few days. After that, well, then we gotta do our best to protect Santa from that prophesy thing if it ever happens."

Kirby: "It looks like we've got time for a detour, Seaspray. I know someone who can help us."

TO BE CONTINUED!

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The Christmas Prophesy: The Key of Wisdom

The Story So Far... (read these first!)
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

21 DAYS REMAIN...

Thundercracker: Hey, I see something right over there!

Megatron: "Well what do you know, you ARE useful for something, Thundercracker! This is precisely the monument that's on the map!"

Starscream: "Well...what happens now?!"

Megatron: "This blasted Map doesn't say anything! Only the word 'wisdom.' Pfft, nothing more than pathetic Earth words."

POOF!

Cube: "Greetings, travelers!"

AAAAAHHHH!!

Thundercracker: "What the hell is that thing?! Kill it! Kill it with guns!"

Megatron: "Calm down, you idiot! It might be a trap by the Autobots!"

Starscream: "I doubt the puny Autobots could construct a cube such as this. I mean, it's hideous enough for them, but this can't be an Autobot contraption."

Soundwave: "Megatron, sensors indicate this cube holds magical properties and contains high intelligence."

Cube: "Your blue boxman is correct, for I am The Cube of Wisdom™. I was placed here eons ago to guard the Key of Wisdom, one of the Four Keys of MacGuffin. "

Thundercracker: "You sure this isn't a trap, right?"

Cube: "Yep. Lucky for you guys, you're the first group to try to find me in quite some time. Now for my other spiel."

"IF THE KEY IS WHAT YOU SEEK, THEN YOU MUST ANSWER ME THESE QUESTIONS THREE."

Megatron: "Excellent. Now, we have no time for shenanigans, so hand over the key or my Decepticons will have no choice but to blast you to dust!"

Cube: "And destroy the only being in the universe who knows the location of The Key of Wisdom? Doesn't sound very wise, if you ask me. You can't find the other keys without this one, you know."

Megatron: "Ugh, very well, we'll play your silly game. I don't need to take this from sand art. State your conditions."

Cube: "The rules are as follows: I ask you the Three Most Important Questions of The Universe. Answer all of them correctly and you get the key. Simple as that, gang. If you get even one question wrong, I'll probably...kill...one of you. The red plane guy."

Starscream: "WHAT?!"

Megatron: "We accept your challenge!"

Starscream: "You -- You can't! How can you accept this maniac's proposition?!"

Megatron: "It's the only chance we have at the key. Stop whining, it's a win/win situation for us."

Thundercracker: "So, uh, does one guy answer, someone different answer one at a time, how does this go?"

Cube: "One person must answer all three questions, but they can consult the rest of the group before answering."

Megatron: Excellent, now who will be the lucky volunteer?"

Starscream: "Never fear Lord Megatron, I shall win the key for the Decepticons!"

Megatron: "Just don't screw this up for us. But remember: win/win."

Starscream: "Ask away, oh mighty cube who will totally not kill me if I fail! Which I won't!"

Cube: "Then let's proceed. QUESTION THE FIRST: What is your name?"

Starscream: "Starscream, loyal soldier of the Decepticons!"

Thundercracker: "Pfft, loyal."

Starscream: "SILENCE!"

Cube: "Correct. QUESTION THE SECOND: What is your quest?"

Starscream: "To find the Keys of MacGuffin! Honestly, your questions are too simple for the mighty Starscream!"

Cube: "Correct. QUESTION THE THIRD: What is the wing-speed velocity of an air-laden swallow?"



Thundercracker: "A what?! Soundwave, you can figure this out, can't you?"

Soundwave: "Indeed. Starscream, my calculations indicate..."

Starscream: "I dont need your help, Soundwave! I've got this one!"

Starscream: "I've seen this movie before! Ahem...African or European?"

Cube: "European."

"..."



"..."

"CRAP!"

Megatron: "I knew you'd screw this up. Whatever, win/win."

Cube: "Hold on, hold on, I'll level with you: You ARE the first person to throw me on the third question. Just to be a nice guy, you can have this."

Cube: "Here you go, one Key of Wisdom. Don't drop it, it's..uhh...enchanted. So be careful with it."

Starscream: "Well, that's more like it! We'll be sure to get the other keys to defeat the Autobots in no time!"

KEY GET!

Soundwave: "Megatron, my sensors indicate that the map is showing the directions to the next key."

Megatron: "So it is! Excellent! Decepticons, we've got what we came for! Let's go!"

Cube: "So long, nice talking to you!"

Cube: "...Suckers."

TO BE CONTINUED!

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