I guess you're all wondering if I have anything to say about Billy Mays, who died unexpectedly earlier today. Well, I do. AND TO PROVE TO YOU THAT I DO, I'M GOING TO SHOUT FOR THE REMAINDER OF THIS ENTRY OUT OF RESPECT.
YOU MIGHT REMEMBER A FEW MONTHS BACK I HELD AN INFOMERCIAL PITCHMAN TOURNAMENT, PITTING 16 OF THE MOST WELL-KNOWN NON-CHUCK NORRIS INFOMERCIAL SPOKESPEOPLE IN A SINGLE-ROUND ELIMINATION FREE-FOR-ALL. DUE TO LACK OF INTEREST AND EVENTS TO AWESOME TO DESCRIBE INTO WORDS, BILLY WAS EVENTUALLY CROWNED THE WINNER IN THIS ENTRY.
WHEN BILLY FIRST EMERGED ONTO THE SCENE, I HAD THE SAME THOUGHTS AS EVERYONE ELSE: WHY DOES THIS GUY YELL SO MUCH? HASN'T HE EVER HEARD OF "TONE IT DOWN," OR AT LEAST "QUIET?" SURE ENOUGH, HIS SHOUTING HAD REACHED INTO THE MINDS OF US ALL, STARTING WITH OUR MOMS. WHAT DID HE START SHILLING? WHY, OXYCLEAN, ORANGE-GLO AND KABOOM, CLEANING PRODUCTS THAT, I'LL ADMIT, ACTUALLY FREAKING WORKED. AND SO, EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING WANTED BILLY TO SHOUT THEIR PRODUCT DOWN OUR THROATS.
I'LL ADMIT, HE GREW ON ME, AND I FELL IN LOVE THANKS TO THE UTTER HORRIBLENESS OF ALL THE OTHER PITCHMEN TO COME AFTER HIM: ANTHONY SULLIVAN, THAT GUY FROM THE NUWAVE OVEN INFOMERCIAL, AND VINCE THE SHAMWOW GUY. I HATE THEM SO MUCH. I WOULD GLADLY TRADE THEIR LIVES TO BRING BACK BILLY.
AND IF YOU ACT NOW, I'LL TRIPLE THE OFFER! MOMS CAN'T GET ENOUGH!
HE GAINED A BIT OF RESPECT FROM ME WHEN, DURING VARIOUS INTERVIEWS, HE REVEALED THAT HE DID INDEED HAVE AN INSIDE VOICE! AND WHAT HE DOES IS "PROJECTING," MAINLY SPEAKING LIKE YOU USUALLY DO, BUT MANAGING TO TURN UP THE VOLUME KNOB ON YOUR VOCAL CHORDS.
I GUESS THE ONLY THINGS I HAVE LEFT TO SAY IS THAT GOOD NEWS: WE WON'T HAVE TO SIT THROUGH ANOTHER LOUD INFOMERCIAL. BAD NEWS: WE WON'T HAVE TO SIT THROUGH ANOTHER LOUD INFOMERCIAL.
Before I get to some new, actual entries, I'd like to comment the recent celebrity deaths.
First up, Ed McMahon
Quite tragic, but sadly, I'm much to young to have actually witnessed anything he was famously involved with, with the exceptions of the Publisher's Clearing House ALF's short-lived talk show, and the occasional Jerry Lewis Telethon. What I do know is that he was the greatest Sidekick in the history of TV, and he's in heaven now, with fellow second banana TV's Frank, keeping Johnny Carson company.
Also, he's the second announcer to die who was in this New York Lotto ad:
Don LaFontaine, who died late last year, is also here. All I have to say is...Watch out, Jeopardy Announcer Guy!
Then earlier today, we lost Farrah Fawcett
Pic was taken at a time when she was worth ogling at. I'm not a bad person, but I was getting fed up with how little time she had left. For every day for a few weeks back in May, people were talking about Farrah Fawcett, and how she was fighting her epic battle, and how little she had left, and what would happen with Ryan O'Neal, etc. Cancer is a horrible, horrible thing, especially ass cancer, but seriously, I've been on a death watch for her for the past two months. She's at peace now.
And of course, not to be outdone, Michael Jackson died earlier this evening. I wasn't an OMG Uperfan of his, but I am a fan of "Billie Jean," and "Beat It," Thriller being one of my favorite music videos of all time, and being an all-around nice guy for letting Weird Al parody his songs. I honestly thought the King of Pop was on his way to another semi-Comeback, but sadly, it seems that it won't happen while he's among the living. Or, whichever parts could have been counted as living, anyway. I was in Buffalo Wild Wings when the big tv on CNN was reporting that he was taken to the hospital for cardiac arrest. This usually isn't good, as cardiac arrest means "you gonna die, sucka." Then when it changed to "coma," I turned to my friend Steve and told him that we should let out all the MJ jokes that we can before he dies and "too soon" kicks in.
Here is that list:
-Jacko is now on his backo for good. -He overdosed on Jesus Juice -He didn't die, it was actually a man named Leon Kompowski -Bubbles reportedly inconsolable -He suffocated on his magical bedsheet, believed to give him sexual powers -Now who's going to dangle babies out of windows now? -Hey, at least we'll probably get cheap Beatles songs! And Earthbound! -Of course he liked little boys, there was no part of him that was older than 18 -Hey, now he can re-enact Thriller! -He had a heart attack when he found out that Farrah Fawcett died.
When he finally did die, not 10 minutes later the jukebox in the place started playing "ABC." If that wasn't enough, it was followed by "Billie Jean," "Thriller," and "Beat It."
We come to the 10th part in my nth part series of songs that define Summer with the last entry that I had on the backburner for the past YEAR. Yes, it's been slightly over a year to the day when I posted the first entry to the series, which if you remember was The Enchanted Tiki Room. I have no clue why I only posted 9 entries last year, but I assure you that Soundtracks For Summer: 2009 Edition will feature MORE entries.
We begin year 2 of the series with that famous hit by The Go-Gos, Vacation.
This video in particular is sadly not the music video with the Go-Gos water skiing and such because none of the vids of that on Youtube are embeddable. With that out of the way, this is a song that lives up to its name: It's about vacations and having fun on them. You're not where you live, only your family knows you there, and you try to booze and score knowing that there's a slim possibility that you'll ever return.
Hence, this song is usually blasting through the speakers when you're making your awesome roadtrip to your destination, whether it be Vegas, Orlando, or your Mom's house, you know everything's gonna be fun where you're going. If anything, you'd just be flashing back of that infamous tape of the Go-Go's all high and talking about sex and drugs.
It's one of the most awesome things on Earth, and I haven't been able to experience a true vacation in about 2 years. It's usually due to my family vacationing in Upstate New York (Usually Lake Placid & Lake George) every year since I was around 5, and 15 years of spending a week up there got a little tiring. It's not Disney World or Vegas where there's something new each time. Oh no, while it's quaint with its touristy atmosphere and mountain air, nothing really changes. People in Lake Placid still believe the Winter Olympics are going on up there, despite it not being held there in 29 years.
I long for change. Cedar Point, Hersheypark, Disney World, Comic-Con and The Buffalo Wing Festival are my Top 5 vacation destinations. Will anyone help me out?
And we can't talk about a summer song called "Vacation" without the version by Vitamin C:
It's most known for opening up the Pikachu's Vacation short that was shown before the first Pokemon movie back in 1998. As lame and cheesy as it was, with this song pumping over the walking footage of Pokemon, we all thought for the first one and a half minutes that this segment was gonna be just fine. Sadly, we got our hopes dashed before the good stuff came on.
But back on the subject, while this is not a cover of the Go-Go's song, it seems to be a more modern pop equivalent of it. As much as I hate modern pop, or pop in general, it's still awesome and just as pump-worthy as the Go-Go's version, with Pokemon to boot!
I'm also taking reader submissions for future "Soundtracks For Summer" entries. If you've got an idea, pop me an email at beamingforbunnies@gmail.com with the name of the song, and a reason or two why it defines "Summer" for you. You'll be glad you did.
BTW, The next few Soundtracks For Summer will be: School's Out, Walk The Dinosaur, and Paradise City. Got any memories for those songs? Pop me an email!
This blog has been around for well over a year and there hasn't been a single entry devoted to a Dr. Suess book?! This changes now!
As you might have read, I recently graduated from College. And with Graduation, comes graduation parties, and of course, graduation gifts. Aside from the usual boatloads of money and the occasional Buffalo Wild Wings gift card, I got this:
A copy of Dr. Seuss's inspirational "Oh, The Places You'll Go!" Since its posthumous publication in 1990, this Suess tome has been given to many a graduate, with myself becoming one of its most recent recipient. I'm pretty sure that it's now a law to be given this book once you graduate from SOMETHING by now, and I had to wait until College to finally read it. I didn't want to spoil myself. For those of you who haven't graduated yet, the book is about traveling into the world, facing all the wonders the world has to offer, from riding balloons, walking under a tent held up by four Hortons, encountering fuzzy Krackens, walking in a parade comprised of more Hortons, and playing a game with Horton that involves nets, roller skates, and curved structures that only Dr. Geisel understands. And somehow, you'll get fame. Or maybe you won't. But maybe you will. You'll go somewhere, and now you have the chance! Make up some funny names, maybe wear some pants.
No, it's not one of those things where I read it and then die in 7 days. That's more in Yertle The Turtle's territory.
As I looked at it, this wasn't no bargain basement Suess book. If the barcode on the back of the plastic covering was any indication, this version cost $25! That was thankful, as this one's a nice hardcover edition that can crush a few Wockets in the pockets. Speaking of which, saying to a girl that you have a Wocket in your pocket is just asking for trouble.
Ah, Random House, I should've known. This gift came from a more...affluent member of my family, and it just so happens she works at the company and must have gotten it comped. Good for my aunt. Well, she is one of those friends of my mom's who was around me all the time as a child and called her "aunt" just out of habit. One who was more well-off than any of us and lives in Manhattan (or as we in Long Island call it, "The City"), near Central Park. She didn't just give me the book, either. The book itself was wrapped in an expensive-looking foily blue wrapping paper topped off with a similar costly-looking blue bow. There was also an attached card containing a check for $150. Hooray.
Here's what the book looks like outside of its sleeve. It's mostly the Suess Teal with that gold bordered Graduate Boy on the bottom right. If you've been wondering about the backdrop, it's a blanket of the "Look at All The Simpsons Characters We Can Fit on This" variety that was given to me as a gift last year. I cherish it dearly, it's too incredible to rest on a bed. No, it must respectfully drape my futon, covering some...unsightly stains all the while!
You see, the title of "Simsons Geek" is something I take seriously. I have the T-shirt version of that blanket, and when someone boasts that they're a Simpsons Geek, I reveal the shirt a la Superman and ask them to name as many characters as they can. Either it becomes a good game, or they fail with a blank stare on their face. Either way, I win and I gain 20 experience points.
And here's my buddy Dennis looking at the book, getting inspiration, it seems. Or he's wondering why my camera sucks along with the fact that I can't hold still for two fucking seconds. Too much Coke. Acola.
I leave you with some inspirational words from the first page of the book. Thanks to the crap lighting and my inability to not think of placing my camera atop of something flat, here is what it says:
Congratulations! Today is your day! You're off to Great Places! You're off and away!
I know some of you good folks out there wonder "Hey, how does Galileo come up with all the crap he does? What exactly goes through his head?" Due to my tenuous grasp at describing things and my inability to temporarily remove my brain from my skull, I had been unable to answer these questions.
But, thanks to recent breakthroughs in modern technology, we can finally see what the hell is currently going on in the gray matter that makes up my mind:
I've been doing some research for my upcoming "50 Greatest Animated Theme Songs" countdown when I stumbled upon this video of someone's Top 10 80's Cartoon theme songs:
It's basically "Nine 80's Shows You've Never Heard of...And Jem." You'd think that kind of video would feature the themes for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, GI Joe, Transformers, or Thundercats, but nope. Who ended up winning? Jayce & The Wheeled Warriors.
For those of you who think themselves as too important to watch a ten minute video, the rest of the themes are: Visionaries, Dinosaucers, SpiralZone, Mighty Orbots, Galaxy Rangers, M.A.S.K., Defenders of The Earth, Pole Position (seriously?!)...and Jem.
Looking at the info of the vid, the creator had picked his criteria on the theme song alone, and not the entire show itself, and I'll admit that I agree with him. I've noticed that theme songs from the 1980's had a unique trait not found in any other decade, which is that they could take the lamest premise ever and make them incredibly kickass. They made you PUMPED to watch the show, and you wouldn't care until fifteen minutes in that it sucked hard. I was quite surprised about how many of them were ripoffs of Thundercats, Masters of The Universe, and/or GI Joe.
"Dude, they're like GI Joe, only they drive vehicles that spit out smaller vehicles, and they wear MASKS!"
"Some of the GI Joes wear masks, too!"
"But it's the 80's, so they're going to wear big-assed square robot masks! Square, large and bulky is the future! No one is going to have electronics that are are small, curvy and practical."
"(sigh) Gnarly."
Take the first theme seen in the video, Visionaries. It was a show based around figures that looked like this:
Toys with holographic animals on their chests for no exact reason. But according to their theme song? Totally fucking nuts. The animals jump out of their chests and beat up...the bad guy's chest animals. I once knew a girl who had a chest animal, but I think it was just her excuse to not go out with me.
Then there was the seventh theme in the vid, Defenders of the Earth, who consisted of Flash Gordon, The Phantom, Mandrake the Magician, and Lothar The Token 80's Minority Guy along with four generic kids defending the Earth. They were all bound by their sense of justice, adventure, and the fact that they were all owned by King Features Syndicate and it was an easy way to exploit these unrelated characters. Robot Chicken righteously mocked the series by having them be part of a Neighborhood Watch Association, with their jurisdiction of "The Earth" only being their block.
As Lots of synthesizers, guitar riffs and F-list glam rock singers usually spruced up any 80's theme song. But in the decades beyond the 80's? If the show had a lame premise, the theme song quite reflected that.
There's also the fact that theme songs have been getting shorter and shorter to fit in more commercials. While I do despise this grim fact, there have been many an 80's cartoon whose theme had nearly a quarter to half of its run time devoted to exposition of the series. Not in song or in tune, either. Someone just speaks the premise of the show and throwing off the entire groove of the song. This is all because the main plot, if there was any, wasn't going to devote any of their own damn time to do it. They just wanted you to see which character or accessory was blandly animated that week and persuaded you to beg your parents to buy it.
I don't think any of those themes will show up for my list. Maybe Jem. But that's pushing it.
It's the beginning of June, so you know what that means? No, Billy, not that. Nor that. CERTAINLY not that. Jeez, where did you learn that language?
Anyways, it's June, and Long Island just hit the first day with 88% humidity, so that means it's Summer! And with summer, comes time to do stuff! I know, I know, I've been slacking on this blog lately (but not this one), but that's going to change. To be sure that I'm serious, I really mean it this time!
If you all remember last year, I had spent all of June writing an entry a day about all the letters of the alphabet. Will I do a part 2 this time? The answer is "hell no." It took me ages to think up subjects to begin with, let alone elaborate on. Especially on words that start with Q, which to this day remains the most likely way people find this blog. So many people wanting to read about Quisp, so little time. The other thing I did at the beginning of the summer (eg, Early May) was create my now-annual To-Do List for Summer, of which I was able to complete...most of the items. But this is 2009, and since we're currently in Early June, well into the College Summer season, I'm happy to say that I've completed three of my objectives!
This years list:
-Graduate College. Done! Obviously, I talked about that in the previous entry. It still feels weird to be "done," and I'll admit, I'm a bit unsure about this whole "rest of my life" business.
-Go to an Amusement Park. A few weeks ago, I went to Six Flags: Great Adventure in NJ once again, and I had good times. It was the Friday before Memorial Day, a sure bet for an easy day at the park, as I had done a similar trip on that day two years back. That trip might've benefited from the rainstorm earlier in the morning, as the sun was out in full force this time, which had everyone in the whole damn state say "Hey, it's sunny, let's all go to Six Flags at the same time!" Jeesh, you'd think it was June with that crowd.
Rides worth waiting for: El Toro, Nitro, Batman, Kingda Ka. Rides Not: Umm...Just about everything else. I'd comment on Bizarro, the newly repainted & re-themed Medusa (which was awesome), but it wasn't open yet.
The one I really want to go to is Cedar Point in Ohio, but no plans have emerged yet.
-Go to a Yankees game. Did that on May 20th with about 9 other people from my CVS job, their home game facing the Baltimore Orioles. It was one hell of a game to go to, as my beloved Yanks shut the birds out 11-4. I sat in the left-center bleachers and I have to tell you, the cheap seats give you a pretty good view. It was sort of a shame that we weren't sitting in the right-center bleachers or center field since that's where EVERY BALL EVER HIT went to. I later found out that the new Yankee Stadium was built to do this. Sneaky, Yanks, and the whole architecture seemed to scream "Looks swanky enough to justify the price gouging." Mmm...$9 Bud Lights.
-See the following movies: Up and Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen. These are my two "Must See" flicks for the summer, and as indicated in my previous entry, Up was pretty awesome. As for Transformers, I had my doubts, like who was returning, who wasn't, was Soundwave going to be in it? I nerdgasmed on my laptop when I found this latest trailer:
Holy. Shit. Ok, you got me, Michael Bay, I'm officially pumped for this. That big red...giant thing in the desert? That's Devastator, bitch. Sure, I was quite fanboyishly pissed that they switched around all the vehicles for this version, as if Long Haul, the one that transformed into a dump truck in the G1 version and served as the crotch, finally complained about his position in the organization and Bay complied by making him an arm. But sadly, equilibrium and the laws of physics make the thing look much more awkward, as Long Haul and one of the Constructicons that served as one of the legs are now one of the arms and vice versa with the smaller arms now being legs, giving him too much upper body weight with little leg support, much like how Kirstie Alley moves around now. Okay, I'll stand corrected if the reason why Devastator is pissed is because of this situation and realizing that combining wasn't such a great idea. Because that sounds hilarious.
By the way, "The Fallen" doesn't refer to Megatron (although he is returning), but the actual transformer referred to as The Fallen. In the grand lore of Transformers, he was one of the original 13 transformers created by Primus (whose alt mode is Cybertron itself), but went rogue by siding with Unicron, Primus's planet eating monster evil-twin. I don't wanna reveal much else, but I'm counting down to June 24th.
-Watch all the DVDs I haven't gotten around to watching yet. Which is a lot of them, sadly including Venture Bros: Season 3.
-Go to American Roadside Burger and get my name on the wall. Now, American Roadside Burger is a little place in Smithtown, NY that is known for good, cheap, burgers with free fixins. That's 4 for 4 in my book right there, but there's more. They have what's known as a "Roadstar," a cheeseburger with 4 patties and if you finish it, you get your name on their Wall of Fame. I'm no stranger to Eating challenges, but I hear that this one's not tough at all. As it turns out, their patties are roughly the same width as a normal McDonald's burger, but, you know...made with actual meat, so this means that eating four at once should be no problem at all. Some of my fellow fraternity brothers have their names up there already, with one claiming to have done it six times. If that little midget could do it, dammit, so could I!
-Blog some more. Doing that right now! And later on, so stay tuned!
