Friday, December 24, 2010

Better Know a Christmas: Australia

G'day mates, it's almost the Big Day, so let's see how they celebrate Christmas in another part of the world? Today, we're going to the Land Down Undah to see how they deck the halls in Australia.

But first, here are the other Christmases that I've Better Known:

Great Britain

Since Australia is located in the Southern Hemisphere, this'll be the first Christmas that I've better known that takes place during the Summer, which as you all know is the domain of the Heat Miser.

Now you have TWO songs stuck in your head thanks to this entry!

As such, the Aussies don't associate Christmas with snow, sleighs, and all that. That would be silly. Down There, Santa rides a dune buggy led by a team of kangaroos, all named Bruce (who don't fly, but CAN jump mildly well). Well, there was that ONE year when Santa rode a water ski pulled by a team of koalas, but that didn't end well...

"My god, this is absolutely horrible news! We won't remember a name like Santa Claus at all! Let's just call him Bruce to avoid all the confusion."

And while we up North murder innocent pine trees for their Christmas celebrations, the Aussies are just like those poor souls in the year 3000, where douglas firs are extinct, along with any hint of modesty.

The Prime Minister enjoying Christmas

It turns out they mostly prefer artificial pine trees, with the occasional tree built entirely out of beer cans.

"Problem, Yank?" "Nah, It's pretty big..."

Because Australia was founded by British convicts, their version of the holiday takes many cues from the UK (which I covered before. Yay for extra plugs! Wait.), like eating Christmas Pudding, having a full-on Turkey Dinner if they decide not to eat BBQ, embarrassing office Christmas parties, and the kids play some good-'ol games of Knifey-Spooney. And instead of using bells or crackers to make noise, they just use didgeridoos.

A traditional performance of "Bruce The Red-Nosed Chazzwasser."

There's also the region-specific foods, like Mangoes and Cherries because...why not? Hey, why not just leave Santa Bruce some Vegemite and Fosters while you're at it? You know, they don't even get the good Christmas specials until April because, like I said, it's Summer down there and they show nothing but reruns!

For all y'all, be lucky that you live in a place that celebrates Christmas in the Winter, you could be Australian. Or live somewhere between the Tropics of Cancer & Capricorn.

So there you have it, another Christmas Better Known. This will sadly be my last entry before The Big Day, work and all that kinda made me slack off on entries. And it's a good thing, too, because I'm currently on the run for mocking Australian Christmas. The punishment is a booting to the butt.

Disparaging the Boot is a Bootable Offense. For goodness sakes, it's on their flag!

See y'all for the Christmas Fallout Entry! Have a Merry Whatever You Celebrate!

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