With the election being so close and tonight being the Vice Presidential Debates, it seems that I must raise an important topic.
Mostly, it's that I got inspired to once again jump on the bandwagon that was started by a fellow blogger. Dohopoki had started a "Vice Presidental Exchange Center," and by God, I'm throwing the proverbial hat in the nonexistent ring as well.
To put it plainly: I, Galileo, am announcing my candidacy for Vice President! Vice President of what, you ask?
I don't really care. If there is a "Vice President" slot open, I'm your man! Just check out my Vice Presidently Credentials:
1) "Galileo" is name that people trust, provided that you aren't currently living in the 16th Century.
2) I have plenty foreign experience. One of my best friends is from India, I've been to World Showcase in EPCOT twice, and I have seen license plates from all 50 States and 4 Canadian Provinces.
3) I, too, pine for change. I need some to get my daily bottle of Vitamin Water. $2.25 my ass, SJC.
4) Can willingly shoot aforementioned best friend "accidentally" while hunting, and he'd be the one to apologize. I am loved just that much.
5) I love kittens. Yes, you can has cheezeburger!
6) I also love puppies, but not Chihuahuas. They can't has cheezeburger.
7) I have leadership experience that spans over 10 years, mostly involving Pokemon. I push "A," they shoot Aura Sphere. That's respect you can't buy!
8) I have the power to think about a certain episode of any TV show and it will appear on TV within 48 hours.
9) Need a distraction? No, problem! Refer to Credentials 4, 5, and 6.
10) Hey, Kool-Aid!
11) Galileo Galilei discovered the moons of Jupiter. By proxy, that makes me an officer towards Intergalactic Peace. Until I find a planet that's populated by women that all look like the Sailor Scouts, then you're on your own, buddy.
12) My solution to the economic crisis: Stop buying stuff you can't afford.
13) My solution to obesity: Stop eating so much. It's your own damn fault. McDonald's did not force you to get fat, you just ate there anytime you felt hungry instead of the usual "once in a while" timeframe.
14) Mahna Mahna.
15) Doot doot do doot doot.
16) Etc. Just Vote, damnit.
So who would be my running man who will appear over my name on the ticket? Just look at this campaign ad and see:
So Vote Galileo for Vice President! "Because: Why Not?"
I'm Galileo and I approved this message.
UPDATE: Join the "Galileo for VIce President" Facebook Group! Now with "Vote 4 Me" Button goodness!
Void where prohibited, especially your Mom's House. By reading this sentence, this clears Galileo, Galileo's campaign manager, Beaming For Bunnie's Blogroll, hamsters, In 10 Words, and any and all facial hair of all liability. Dump tell no Mandy, but this is just a lan mower turned backways. Do not take if you are pregnant, thinking about being pregnant, or being in the same room as the word "Pregnant" duct taped onto your wall. The other UFO is an upside-down salad spinner. Note: If you have chest pains, earaches, bad credit, no credit, rustproofing errors, dry nose, dry mouth, cottonmouth, worms, Earthworm Jims, Slim Jims, Jim Norton, Ed Norton, the other Ed Norton, Norton Antivirus, John Madden Syndrome, Aqualung, Hysterical jars of foot cream, Scoliosis, footburn, eyespolsions, rectal frosting, strawberry fillng, Frankenberry, Boo Berry, Chuck Berry, Berry Manilow, Banana Cream discharche, Achy Breaky Pelvis, homework due in 12 minutes, toenails lasting up to 4 hours, a copy of "Sweatin' To The Oldies Vol. 3," Chihuahua Metamorphisis, and/or Spinal Cord Wax Museums: Sorry, that's your problem. This is just fine print for a fake political ad that was paid for by people who want to pay me to lie to them that I am running for Vice President. Please check out his "In 10 Words" blog linked earlier in this tiny paragraph.