Sunday, August 24, 2008

The Best Torso in Football

My friend Tim and I were looking at the cover for Saturday's Newsday (the local paper on LI), and saw a picture of Brett Favre in full Jets attire playing the big game.

That got Tim to thinking...he looked like Woody Harrelson in that picture. Me?

Coming This Summer:

"Jet Favre: The Brett Favre Story"

Starring Woody Harrelson as Brett Favre, the Jet that wouldn't die!

With Frank Caliendo as John Madden.

John, what do you have to say about this upcoming project?

"Well, well, well, you see, when ya got a great movie over here and great actors over here and BOOM! there ya go with great actors acting in a great movie! I mean, I mean, it just doesn't get any better than that! The only way it could get any better is if ya got crappy actors acting great in a great movie. I mean, I mean, (haruubahf) hey, they're crappy actors! You can't possibly get any better with that kinda great acting!

Brett Farb, Brett Farb is the best part of this movie. If I didn't get distracted by Woody's athletes' foot with BOOM TOUGH-ACTIN' TINACTIN! like a great actor in this great movie, I coulda swore it was Brett Farb being a great actor in this great movie with great actors acting like great characters in this great movie about great football players playing great football. I mean, if you had Brett Farb acting, directing, and catering this great movie like Kraft Easy Mac Singles, you could not be able to spend all the money in the whole freakin' world to show off how great Brett Farb will be in this great movie about Brett Farb. I mean, I mean, when I was hearing that he was going to the Jets, like Action over here, and Maria dies but the Sharks live on, like Jaws. Jaws, what a great movie that was! With the bigger boat, and the mouth, and hey that's Roy Scheider doin' high-fives with Elvis and Bernie Mac in Heaven right now, challenging Ben Franklin to a ping-pong game. Hey, Forrest Gump played ping-pong, funny guy right there with the Shrimp and the guy who aint got no legs, Lieutenant Dan! He was always saying 'Life is like a box of Russel Stovers chocolates,' you never know if you're gonna bite into the coconut one, with the 'holy crap, it's so disgusting,' like when Jaws tried to eat up Roy Scheider like that.

This movie is gonna, gonna, gonna win ever Oscar imaginable. Best Actor, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best supporting Actress, Brett Farb is gonna win em all! It's gonna win a Tony, and hey, I mean (haruubahf) it's not even on Broadway yet! That's how good that this great movie's gonna turn out with the great actors acting in this great football movie about Brett Farb playing great football!

And that's what it's all about!"

Thanks, John...(swig of whiskey)

Rated PG-13.


Timmy Bones said...

WOW that was amazing! That was the funniest thing I ever read. That totally captured the rambling nonsense brain function of John Madden haha well done Steve

Anonymous said...

That was funny. I love when Frank Caliendo does his Madden. It's freaking hilarious.

On a side note...I'm reading Madden's book (from 84') right now. Too bad it is written in the rambling style. But he does say 'boom' a few times.

Anonymous said...

I could totally hear Madden saying this as I read it. Lol that was too funny!