Sunday, March 23, 2008

10 Things I Learned From Jim Gaffigan

The other day, I got a post from my Co-Workers Tim called "10 Things I Learned From Mitch Hedberg," which was the following:

10. Smokey is a lot more intense in person.
9. To hell with purple people.
8. If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
7. Escalators can only become stairs
6. You can order a club sandwich and not be a member.
5. If the number 13 is bad, so should the letter B.
4. Beavers have some kickass houses.
3. Banana bread pastrami cottage cheese sandwiches will severely ruin your reputation.
2. There's more to homemade Sprite than just lemon and lime.
1. Ducks eat for free at Subway.

Funny, and true. This got me thinking...I can do this list with Jim Gaffigan too!

10. Manatees have the same physique as a retired football player.
9. The sentiment of Indiana is "We're gonna move!"
8. Elton John is a good mommy.
7. If a white guy gets angry, people call him a dick.
6. If you meet someone's Mom, don't hug them and say "Oh yeahhh..." and if their Dad's short, don't try to pick him up.
5. Pale people can shoot lasers out of their nipples.
4. And it's possible to get paler.
3. People seem to comment on everything you say in a low whisper.
2. You can have a Hot Pocket for Breakfast, a Hot Pocket for Lunch, and be dead by dinner.
1. Putting bacon bits in a salad only creates a game of "Find the Bacon in The Lettuce."


squee4242 said...

Very funny :D Though I must take issue with the Hedburg one, no list would be complete without: If a shirt is dry clean only, that means it's dirty.

Victoria said...

Fruit - good, cake - great, fruitcake - nasty crap.

Dio said...

I had a list on things I learned from the game Fatal Frame, the least of which were:
--Folklorists will always die in the most horrible ways
--Its ok to read other peoples' diaries
--Even helpful ghosts can hurt you

Oh, and wear comfortable running shoes. yeah.