10 Things I Learned From Jim Gaffigan

The other day, I got a post from my Co-Workers Tim called "10 Things I Learned From Mitch Hedberg," which was the following:

10. Smokey is a lot more intense in person.
9. To hell with purple people.
8. If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
7. Escalators can only become stairs
6. You can order a club sandwich and not be a member.
5. If the number 13 is bad, so should the letter B.
4. Beavers have some kickass houses.
3. Banana bread pastrami cottage cheese sandwiches will severely ruin your reputation.
2. There's more to homemade Sprite than just lemon and lime.
1. Ducks eat for free at Subway.


Funny, and true. This got me thinking...I can do this list with Jim Gaffigan too!

10. Manatees have the same physique as a retired football player.
9. The sentiment of Indiana is "We're gonna move!"
8. Elton John is a good mommy.
7. If a white guy gets angry, people call him a dick.
6. If you meet someone's Mom, don't hug them and say "Oh yeahhh..." and if their Dad's short, don't try to pick him up.
5. Pale people can shoot lasers out of their nipples.
4. And it's possible to get paler.
3. People seem to comment on everything you say in a low whisper.
2. You can have a Hot Pocket for Breakfast, a Hot Pocket for Lunch, and be dead by dinner.
1. Putting bacon bits in a salad only creates a game of "Find the Bacon in The Lettuce."

Score One For Futurama

Well, at least one of Futurama's predictions came true: Someone in Australia has seems to have created a working, if somewhat primitive version of a suicide booth. I, for one, qualify it as a Killbot, but since the guy built it to kill himself, I'll let it slide this one time.

Just wake me up when they create Baconated Grapefruit and Caffeinated Bacon.

Stuff That Happened Today

Well, some very interesting things happened today in the world of Useful Information.

First of all in Politics: John McCain clinched the Republican Nominee for Pres., and as of writing this, Hillary won Ohio, while the Jury is still out in Texas.

2nd: Brett Favre finally retired from football. My friend Tim absolutely loves Frank Caliendo's impression of John Madden talking about Brett Farb. One of these guys are obviously a bit dissappointed.

"I mean, Brett Farb is the greatest, you could cut off both Brett Farb's arms and both Brett Farb's legs and he'd still be the best torso in football. You could find a way to clone Brett Farb, make enough clones for a football team, and have themplay a team made up of clones of Brett Farb. I mean, the universe just might explode."

Finally, in Geek News, the creator of Dungeons & Dragons, Gary Gygax, passed away.

I am *rolls dice* deeply saddened by this loss.


And Part 2 of the 50 Greatest Animated Villains list is coming soon!

Words I Find Funny

As some of you might you, I'm an amateur comedian of sorts, and I try to find humor in all facets of my life.

For some random nonsense, to try to find humor at its core, here are some words that I think are funny:

Booze
Board
Monkey
Weasel
Ferret
Chick
Monkey
Chicken
Steak
Ball
Larry
Intercourse
Muffin
Poland
Denmark