Saturday, August 30, 2008

The Muppets Take Washington

Once again, I'm not one to go into politics, but I do love making geekish comments about it.

Wednesday's episode of The Daily Show had referred to Keith Olberman & Chris Matthews as "Statler & Waldorf," as well as possibly Joe Scarborough as "Sam The Eagle," and David
Schuster as"Beaker." I forget if these two were the ones Jon had mentioned, correct me if I'm wrong.

This got me thinking...what are the Muppet equivalents to other people in this Presidential Campaign?

Let's take all of the above examples being taken. There's also the fact that Brian Williams resembles Johnny Fiama. And if Frank Caliendo refers to John Madden and Pat Sommeral as "The Bert & Ernie of Football," that can only mean one thing:

Barack Obama is Kermit The Frog. It suddenly dawned on me, but it's the Muppet that fits him best. The only sane individual amongst a company of screwballs, articulate, is a born leader, and is beloved by millions. I've imagined that he would eventually say something like "Now that is change we can believe in, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!" whilst flailing his arms while stepping aside to clear the stage for the Flying Zucchini Brothers.

So who is next?

Hillary Clinton is obviously Miss Piggy. Brash, enormous stage presence, always vying for Kermit's attention. Another beloved Muppet who would karate chop anyone who would get in her way.

In keeping with that theme, Bill Clinton would have to be Link Hogthrob. Self-proclaimed ladies man and hunk who wore ugly leisure suits even if they were en vogue in the late '70s. If you've ever seen Link in action, he was Clinton 30 years before he appeared on the scene.

Dennis Kucinich? Gonzo. Obvious.

Ron Paul? Crazy Harry. Another obvious solution.

Libertarian Candidate Bob Barr would be Lew Zealand. Same weird voice, physical build, and having complete out-there ideas like throwing fish like boomerangs.

Perennial wet rag Ralph Nader was a condundrum. It seemed that Gonzo would fit, but that's Kucinich. He's more like Grover to me.

Mike Huckabee would be Fozzie. Great sense of humor, but you wouldn't want him running the show.

Mitt Romney, who was John McCain's most likely running mate, is Guy Smiley. I believe Stephen Colbert covered this before, but I definitely see the resemblance. I suspect he'll be busting through walls and chanting about "AIR, AIR, AIR AIR!" during the Republican Convention.

Sarah Palin, McCain's actual running mate, is Annie Sue Pig. She was formally introduced in Season 3 of the Muppet Show to provide a slight foil to Miss Piggy. She was younger, talented, good looking, and naive. Simply the exact opposite of Miss Piggy, whom Annie Sue had sometimes inadvertently upstaged.

Speaking of Running Mates, Joe Biden is Scooter. Kermit's sidekick wasn't Fozzie or Gonzo, it was Scooter. The cheerful young Gopher who had powerful connections (in Scooter's case, his uncle owned the theater that the Muppet Show performed in)

As for John McCain himself? I pondered long and hard, but eventually realized that he's Rowlf the dog. Maybe it's because he's one of the oldest Muppets, and his spark is long gone since his voice had a wait and see attitude. But he still appears, albeit as a shell of his former self knowing his glory days will never return.

And here I thought McCain was going to choose a bag of rice as his VP.


Dan said...

I gotta admit those were pretty spot on!

Hazard said...

VERY precise.
Perfect decisions.

Amy said...

I am impressed!

Kittymao said...

Dood! I didn't know there was a Muppets Encyclopedia!

I know what I'm doing today... :)