You might recall last year when I posted
an entry giving tribute to some minor monsters of pop culture. And how that entry was inspired by
Matt's entry over at X-Entertainment? Yes, they were quite good.
A few weeks ago,
Matt posted another entry, so I figured that I should do the same. Halloween is just a few days away, and I feel like I should give you readers something that doesn't have to do with Doctor Who for once.
To keep myself from becoming redundant about what I said last time...here's what I said last time:
"Minor monsters" in a sense are just ugly bad guys who get aren't usually the first things you think of when you think "Halloween Monsters." Everyone knows the Major Monsters, like Vampires, Werewolves, Mummies, Zombies, Ghosts, Frankenstein Monsters, Jason, Freddy, Chucky, and the occasional Leprechaun in space.
But what about...everyone else? The spooks and monsters that you love or scared the everloving crap outta you, but just don't get the invites to the mad monster party. They might be the stars of some forgotten movie, an awesome creature that got outshone by the main players, or just some creepy thing. These are the monsters that I want to focus on today. Since Matt's entry focused on six monsters, I'll do the same with this list.
NOTE: This list is in no order, nor does this list specify my favorite monsters ever. These are just six creepy beings that deserve their pedestal on the grand Monster Mash of life.
Since Matt's new entry gave tribute to seven monsters, my entry shall do the same for six. Because I couldn't think of a seventh monster.
1. Guiron (Gamera vs Guiron)
Since the original list started with a Toho monster, this list should start with one too, I guess. But instead of a Godzilla monster, this guy comes to us from the Gamera series.
Gamera doesn't get as good of a rep as the other monsters because, well, he's not Godzilla, nor is he actually a part of the Godzilla universe. No, everyone's favorite flying turtle is its own thing. He goes around fighting monsters while wrecking everything in his path and being a friend to all children. I use the term "friend" loosely since he gained that reputation after saving ONE little boy from falling while trying to decimate all of Japan. Now he's obligated to save all the world's children from intergalactic terrors. And when I say "all the world's children," I mean the ones from Japan.
Besides that, Gamera's most known for being featured five separate times on Mystery Science Theater 3000, one of the best shows mankind has ever produced. And our first monster comes from the fifth movie in the series (and the fourth one riffed by Joel & The Bots) Gamera vs Guiron.
The plot is nothing special, Gamera fights this thing on an alien planet and wins. That's not important. What IS important is looks. Just look at this guy...he's got a giant knife for a head. That just screams "awesome." Try it, it's wonderful. I just screamed "awesome" to my cat, who really doesn't seem to appreciate good monsters when she hears them. Ah, whatever.
Guiron's the first one up for a tribute here because how can you go wrong with a monster with a giant knife for a head?! You can't! It gave Gamera a scare when it was able to cut through his mighty shell and try to feast on the sweet, sweet turtle meat with a blue blood glaze. And you see that circle in the side of his head?
Yeah, it can shoot shurikens! Suck on that, Gamera!
2. Wall of Flesh (Adventure Time)
Ah, Adventure Time. This thing, the Wall of Flesh, was featured in one of the show's earliest episodes, "Tree Trunks." The episode itself has our heroes, Finn & Jake along with a senile elephant named Tree Trunks, wander into the Evil Forest to track down the legendary Crystal Gem Apple. The whole story plays out like two energetic boys trying to play a game of Dungeons & Dragons with their grandma (and it's a great one), so of course the gang would run into some strange monsters like this guy.
This thing only appeared in one scene, but it left one heck of an effect on me. It is what it is: A giant pile of fleshy goo, and it raises plenty of questions.
Why does it exist? How was it formed? Was this human? These questions are never answered. What IS known, though, is that it wasn't even the most dangerous monster in the forest. We also saw
killer road signs,
skeleton butterflies,
a Brain Beast, and
a Crystal Guardian that mimics your every move. But the Wall of Flesh IS my favorite monster in the episode, and believe it or not the gang has faced weirder monsters than this.
But I might get into those later. For now, it's Wall of Flesh's squishy day in the sun.
3. Samhain (The Real Ghostbusters)
When you think "Ghostbusters," your mind tend to wander elsewhere than Samhain. Slimer, Stay Puft, Ecto Cooler. But the Real Ghostbusters cartoon had one major baddie:
Samhain, the King of Ghosts. The kind of ghost that other ghosts simply obeyed out of fear. It might also be respect since he actually cares for the well-being of his "little ones," so people like the Ghostbusters are pretty high on his kill list.
There's really no surprise that the Lord of Halloween is a major ghoul, rating a Class 7 on the Ghost scale. Other Class 7 ghosts? Gozer, Vigo, The Boogieman, and the
Spawn of Cathulhu, so you know our boys were in for some deep shit.
His main mission is to stop time so it'll be perpetual Halloween Night, when his powers are strongest. Of course, he's captured like everyone else, but Samhain wasn't your normal ghost. Since this bastard couldn't really die and had to wait 1200 years to be freed, he had no problem waiting until the fans demanded his return, his anger seething with each passing moment until then.
Of course, he came back and was captured again, awaiting for his next time to strike. Until then, we can enjoy the toy version of him.
 |
| Well SOMEONE'S enjoying him. |
4. Eye Guy (Power Rangers)
As the first entry featured a monster from Power Rangers, so shall this one. Another of my favorite monsters in the original Mighty Morphin series, Eye Guy as you can see, is a monster completely made out of eyes. It must be a total bitch for him to sit down or hell, clean himself. Having ANYTHING in your eyes hurts like hell, so imagine if your whole body was covered in them. That is what fuels his anger, it consumes him.
But what does he consume? Children. Yes, children. You see that big eye on him? He can detach that to hypnotize little kids into standing still long enough for that eye to absorb them for Rita Repulsa's latest scheme. He can detach all of his other eyes, too, which helps him whenever he's blown apart. But only if that big eye is intact. If that gets destroyed, so does the rest of him.
Unlike most monsters, death couldn't stop Eye Guy, as he showed up several times during the first few seasons of the show whenever the plot called for an evil mob. And unlike
Shellshock, this bastard got a toy of himself.
And what a toy! Two of his eye boobs can pop out of his chest, and he's got an unpainted eye stalk, to boot! Or is that a walking cane? A kickstand? Something worse? Time to move on, I'm getting weirded out.
5. Uncle Deadly (The Muppet Show)
Like the first and fourth entries, the original list featured a Muppet as well, and this guy is an underrated gem. There's lots of Muppets that were creepy whether or not they were meant to terrify people like Cookie Monster,
Thog, Grover, Elmo,
The Beautiful Day Monster,
S.A.M. The Machine, etc.
Uncle Deadly, however, was one of those rare Muppets that was built to be scary. He first appeared in the first season with
Vincent Price, and was later revealed to be a literal Phantom of the Muppet Theater. How did he become the phantom? He died on the very stage of the Muppet Theater while playing Othello. Who killed him? The critics, naturally. But he's back and he wants revenge. If you call acting in a silly melodrama revenge.
Grotesque? Yes. Hammy? Oh, yes. Blue? You betcha. All of these point to awesomeness. I'd shout this to my cat again, but she's been outta my room since the first entry.
6. The Killer Piano (Super Mario 64)
AAAAAHHHHH! AHHHHHH!!! AHHHHH!!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!
I mean...this thing, who only appeared in the Boo's Mansion stage of Super Mario 64, was frightening as all hell. You're Mario, and you climb into the basement of the game's requisite haunted house level. There's freaky carousel music in the background and you see a nice, charming piano sitting in the corner. Like a fool, you try to go near it.
AND THEN IT JUST STARTS CHOMPING AT YOU! AND THERE'S NO WAY TO KILL IT!! Sorry, I'm still spooked at that after all these years.
This looks like a great place to stop, yes? Before I frighten myself any further? Yes, that sounds like a plan.
Happy Halloween, Everybody!
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