Friday, October 29, 2010

The McRib is Back!

The four greatest words in the fast food language. I couldn't believe it myself when I found out that THE MCRIB WAS COMING BACK! What is the McRib, you ask? You are a mighty pinhead to be asking such an inane question.

Well, okay, you're not. You're not mighty at all. The McRib, as a whole, is the "Bigfoot" of fast food lore, achieving a cult status that arose from its rarity. Much like the In-N-Out Secret Menu, Herb from Burger King, and Pepsi Blue, some people just plain doubt their existence, but none of them have achieved the level of infamy that is the McRib. But being serious and all, there have been a surprisingly large amount of people that I've run into that...DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE MCRIB WAS!

To educate you all, I'll offer up the McRib's delectable life story from the most reputable source I could find: The McRib's Wikipedia Page:
The sandwich was originally created by McDonalds employee Derek Plowman. The only thing that hasn't changed from the original sandwich is Derek's BBQ sauce. test-marketed very well in Nebraska and other Midwestern markets and was added to the restaurant's permanent menu throughout the United States in 1981. Sales were mediocre,[citation needed] and it was removed in 1985 after several years, only to be brought back as a limited time offering.
So you see class, the only reason why the McRib is popular in the first place is only because The Suits at McDonald's just takes it away from us whenever we start to get sick of it, then brings it back whenever we say to ourselves "Hmm, I haven't had a McRib in a while." Then everyone goes into a frenzy, then they take it away again to start the process anew.

Were it not for the underground tribunal that consists of The Grimace, HR Pufnstuff, the Corpse of Colonel Sanders, Hillary Clinton and the San Diego Chicken, the McRib would've joined Fast Food Obscurity much like the Arch Deluxe, Wendy's SuperBar, and a less-creepy version of The Burger King.

But thankfully, this proved to not be the case. The last time that the McRib was distributed nationwide was in 1993-94 as promotion for the live-action Flintstones Movie, and has been seen in various parts of the country up until 2008 after the conclusion of its third Farewell Tour. Yep, the McRib is not only the Bigfoot of fast food, it also has the Rolling Stones' concert promoter!

The newswires kept saying it was coming back November 2nd, but last Friday I found this sign on my local McDonald's:

YES, LONG ISLAND GOT IT EARLY!!! Okay, it's from the link I posted a few paragraphs ago, but it was on the sign and I had to check it out for myself! (Also, I tried to get a good shot of mine. I tried. But nighttime glare is the only thing that sucks about my phone's awesome camera.)

That night I sauntered into my local haunt to look the girl (at least I think it was a girl) behind the counter in her(?) eyes and told her "I want a McRib this time, baby." Five grueling McRib-less minutes later, and this appeared on my tray:

"Your Old Friend is Back." Pretty much says it all, doesn't it? Let's open up the box and ogle at the contents, shall we?

Ooh, that's a sandwich! But here's a better view of the goodness inside the bun:

To you, this might be sickening, but to me, it's sweet, tangy goodness. Sure, it's authentic letter-graded meat pressed into the shape of a small rack of ribs, but they exist and it went into my mouth, dammit!

My Verdict: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it's orgasmic. Well, let's let this Simpsons clip speak for what I'm talking about:

So good, you can almost imagine that everyone is mirror-flipped and speaking spanish! (Yeah, it's the only vid out there that DOESN'T have an annoying music track over it. But, still.)

Yeah, it's not "real" barbecue and we can all name about 10 different places besides our own home that can make a better and/or healthier sandwich, but it's good! It tastes just like pulled pork, smothered in a special BBQ sauce that ISN'T the classic McNuggets dipping sauce.

As a whole, it's a pretty good sandwich and like most of McDs offerings, it's easy to get sick of it. It could explain WHY there's such a frenzy that pretty much justified my thesis statement back at the beginning: It's a good sandwich that makes your taste buds go through horrible withdrawals within 24 hours of eating one. And after 16 years, that withdrawal could very well develop into a bloodlust, or at least a slight jonesing whenever you hear the word "McRib."

I heartily recommend trying it if you can manage to find it before it goes nationwide on the 2nd. As for me? I'm blogging from a McDs right now. Oop, my next McRib's ready! Gotta go, gang!

No comments: