Wednesday, January 28, 2009

What Exactly Happens When You Squeeze a Marine Toad?

What indeed? I stumbled upon this very question during a casual search through my Shiny Stat page (seen as a counter on the right column), looking for searches where my site showed up in.

In the page for December 2008, this very request showed up at the bottom of the screen. There is no doubt at all that it's probably the most bizarre request I've ever seen...for this site at least.

Instead of questioning the sanity of this random Google searcher, let's back him up and answer the question.


Is a Marine Toad. Just look at it. He's acting all Toad-like, with a smirk on his face telling me "I'm a Marine Toad, and I don't want to pose for this picture." He's taunting me. He probably likes to lick Badgers on the weekends. Don't we all?

I can see why someone would want to squeeze it.

The first thing we need to ask is: What shall we use to squeeze it? A magnificant question if I may say so.

There are several objects that we can use to induce squeezing:

-A Ball-Peen Hammer
-A Set of Pliers
-A Monkey Wrench
-A Size 7 Boot
-an 'Ove Glove
-A Monopoly Game Board
-Car Tires
-A Vice Grip
-A Two-Foot long Ball Python
-and, of course, your Bare Hands

Any of these would work just fine. I would suggest wearing gloves when handling the Ball Python, though. Write this down in your notebook now.

When you choose your object (for the purposes of this study, I have chosen the Boot), you may then proceed to squeeze your Marine Toad. This brings us to the question at hand: What exactly would happen if the Marine Toad was to be squeezed?

The Everyman (ie, You) would suggest that the Toad would simply be flattened and a long trail of sticky residue would be left behind. But that's not interesting at all. Here are some of my most personal theories:

-The Marine Toad would dispense 8 Gold Coins, which are to be used to buy a Goose at the fair.

-The Toad would split off into other toads, eventually causing a rampage that would damage the ecosystem.

-The Toad would secrete a fresh ground powder which could be mixed with Orange Juice to create the World's Strongest Glass of Whiskey.

-The Toad would be crushed beyond belief, leaving its skin to retain the consistency of Silly Putty.

Yum. Write that down in your notebook now.

I hope that answers all of your questions.


JoshC said...

I've never heard that saying, ever.
And I was kinda hoping for a demonstration, get on that.

Galileo said...

If this blog ever got some funding, I would've been able to carry it out, lol.

Hazard said...

HA! Me and my cousins used to catch frogs and crush them by stepping on them all the time years ago. When we crushed them, they would practically puke up their guts. All their insides come spilling out of their mouths.
True story.
: )3

megan said...

Hobbes once told Calvin that he never picked up toads because they drank water all day in case someone picked them up. That's reason enough for me not to squeeze one.