Beaming For Bunnies

Every Anime Opening Ever Made

2012-01-28T19:31:00.001-05:00

My apologies for pretty much taking the month off. I kinda deserved it for working my ass off in December, but expect new stuff in the near future!

Until then, here's a video that's about pretty much what it says: Every Anime Opening Ever Made.

You never realize just how many elements are re-used in anime openings until you watch something like this. Where are all these people running to?!

Follow Me on Twitter!
"Like" Beaming For Bunnies on Facebook!
"Like" my Simpsons Quote of The Day Facebook Page!

The Christmas Prophesy: Doom Will Come The Man in Red

2011-12-24T22:58:00.000-05:00

The Story So Far... (read these first!)
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10

THE BATTLE BEGINS!

ATTACK!!!

Arcee: "Damn, you're tough."

Thunderwing: "As tough as dey come, babe."

Acree: "Eww."

Thunderwing: "ow!"

Meta-Knight: "Name's Meta-Knight. It's always so fine to meet a fellow swordsman."

Arcee: "Thanks, but I didn't need your help."

Meta-Knight: "Can't help it if I try to be a hero by helping to save Christmas."

Perceptor: "Ack!"

Starscream: "Serves you right to cross the Decepticons and the almighty voluptuous Megatron!"

Kirby: "MIKE SCREAM!"

Starscream: "Ack!"

Kirby: "Oh, just come outta the closet already!"

Starscream: "What closet? You mean the one behind us?"

Santa: "Sorry if this is a bad time, but are you by any chance named Thundercracker? Because I have a subscription to GQ magazine to give him."

Starscream: "Of course not! He's dead!"

Starscream: "AAAAHHHH!!!"

Santa: "Too bad."

Laserbeak: "So Earthlings, how does it feel to have your privacy violated from your own computer?"

Dennis: "Now listen here, you. I've been through a hell of a lot these past few months. Battling crazed maniacs like you, suffering through earthquakes, Pokemon battles, lousy fortune cookies, pineapples, cubes made from sand art quizzing me, getting trapped in a giant beer mug! Now...this. On the run for the past week and our awesome computer that's been helping us out? A phony! Nothing more than a cheap, plastic PHONY! You..."

Dennis: "You...you...you...you..."

Laserbeak: "Heheh, Slow down, you're gonna blow a fuse if you keep stuttering."

Dennis: "You...you...you...you..."

Mr. Snowman: "What the hell is going on?!"

Merv: "Dennis...you're glowing! I'm scared."

Dennis: "You...YOU...YOU!...YOU!"

Laserbeak: "Uh-oh."

Dennis: ASSHOLE!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! THE PAIN!!!!

RARRR?

"Ugh..."

Meta-Knight: "Whoa..."

Merv: "Remind me never to piss Dennis off."

Soundwave: "NOOOO! LASERBEAK! SPEAK TO ME!"

Laserbeak: "Ugh...Marc Maron will never be funny..."

Soundwave: "LASERBEAK!"

Soundwave: "This cannot compute."

Soundwave: "Prepare for your imminent destruction, Earthlings!"

Dennis: "...You know, now that I'm looking at you close-up...you look familiar."

Soundwave: "..."

Dennis: "..."

Soundwave: "...I have never see you before."

Dennis: "Heh, coulda sworn you looked like something I had once."

Dennis: "Merv, doesn't he look familiar?"

Merv: "I don't pay attention to these things. I do know that this looks like the end."

Dennis: "Yeah...it's been a good blog. I'm...glad to have known you."

Merv: "Well...yeah, my sack and I were glad to have been friends, too. And that thing you just did? It was awesome."

Dennis: "Thanks."

Merv: "Think you could do that again?"

Dennis: "Heck, I didn't even know I could do it this time. But..."

Clapboard: "OH YEAH!

Dennis, Merv: Mr. Snowman: "Clapboard?!"

Clapboard: "Ha! Looks I AM good for something! Nice toss, Prowl!"

Prowl: "No problem, little buddy! We're finally turning the tides!"

Arcee: "Yeah, there's still Megatron."

Optimus: "You've ruined your last Christmas, Megatron!"

Seaspray: "Time to kick some ass!"

Megatron: AUTOBOTS, YOU...RARR...AMUSE ME. YOU KEEP THINKING YOU HAVE A CHANCE, NOT EVEN WITH...

Megatron: ...THE MAN IN RED...

Megatron: DOOM WILL COME TO YOU, MAN IN RED!!

Optimus: "Not on our watch, you bastard!"

Optimus: "Taste some JUSTICE!!"

Arcee: "Yeah, take that, ass!"

Perceptor: "This is for trying to destroy this nice holiday!"

Kirby: "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

Megatron: RAAAARRRR! FOOLS! THIS IS NOTHING BUT A...RARR...SCRATCH!

Clapboard: "Man, this guy's not going down!"

Prowl: "I don't know how much longer we can fight at this rate!"

Megatron: NOTHING BUT A PAINFUL SCRATCH!

AHHH!

Kirby: "This guy's too much!"

Merv: "Man, everyone's getting creamed! Save us, Mistah Snowman!

Merv: "Ahh! what the hell was that for?!"

Mr. Snowman: "Idiots, I'm not your beloved Mistah Snowman! In fact, I've never liked him NOR that insipid Advent Calendar story! Too complicated and meta for my tastes. I've been a loyal Decepticon spy all along!"

Santa: "That explains that weird tramp stamp you've got there."

Mr. Snowman: "Eat carrot, Claus!"

Santa: "Why do I have to insult tramp stamps? It's like a knee-jerk reaction with me!"

Merv: "Enough with the phonies...I wish I could explode, too..."

Dennis: "Can't...move..."

Mr. Snowman: "All hail Megatron! All hail..."

"UGH!"

Seaspray: "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to do that, Mister Snowman."

Snowman: "But...but..."

Seaspray: "Join the rest of your brethren in Robot Hell."

AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

Seaspray: "Never doubt the abilities of the water guy, folks."

Merv: "We won't! Figured that wasn't the real Mistah Snowman anyways."

Dennis: "Sure you did."

Dennis: "Santa, can you heal everyone again?"

Santa: "I wish I could, but being shocked that time took most of what was left of my energy away. I only have enough to get home, I need time to recharge my Christmas magic."

Dennis: "Dang it."

Seaspray: "We could really use some of that Christmas magic right about now. Don't know how much longer any of us will hold out."

Dennis: "Hmm...Christmas magic."

Dennis: "Merv, did you ever look to see if there was anything inside your sack?"

Merv: "Hmm, you know, I actually haven't!"

Merv: "There's nothing in here but a Pokeball, but I don't see how that'll help us..."

WIIIIISSSSSSSSHHHHHHH...

Megatron: WHAT'S THIS?

POLIWHIRL!

Optimus: "What the hell is that thing?"

Kirby: "A Pokemon!"

Meta-Knight: "But a lame one..."

Megatron: ...WHAT IN BLAZES IS THIS?

Starscream: "It's huge...but it's not Megatron huge..."

Thunderwing: "Give it a rest, will ya..."

Merv: "Holy shit."

Dennis: "That Elekid guy gave us...a giant Poliwhirl."

Merv: "Hell, that beats a sack any day! I got a Pokemon!"

Santa: "That's the magic of Christmas."

Merv: "Time to kick some ass, Poliwhirl! Use...Something!"

POLIWHIRL USED DOUBLESLAP!

IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!

Dennis: "Wow...that's actually working."

Meta-Knight: "All from a Poliwhirl."

Clapboard: "Megatron looks like he's gonna break."

Kirby: "Yeah, one more good attack should do it!"

Seaspray: "We got him nailed down!"

RARRRRRRR!!!

Optimus: "Don't worry about us! Finish him off!"

Merv: "Allright Poliwhirl, just...hit him with the best attack you've got!"

Poliwhirl!

NO...NO...NO...NOOOOOO!!!

POLIWHIRL USED FOCUS PUNCH!

IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!

RARRR!!! MY PLANS...FOILED...POWER...DRAINING...

THIS WILL NOT BE THE LAST YOU SEE OF ME...

Megatron: "Decepticons...forever..."

K.O.!

Merv: "Oooh, money!"

Dennis: "I wouldn't pick that up, it might be cursed or something."

Starscream: "Yeah, screw this I'm outta here."

Starscream: "Decepticons, retreat!"

LEAVE!

Optimus: "We did it! We saved Christmas! And doom came to nobody!"

Optimus: "Ow...my...everything hurts again..."

"No!"

Dennis: "Are you okay, Optimus?!"

Optimus: "We beat Megatron, Hoist. That's all that matters."

Seaspray: "How are his vitals, Perceptor?"

Perceptor: "He sustained massive injuries. A crushed, well, everything. He doesn't have very long."

Dennis: "Can you do anything for him now?"

Santa: "You heard the giant microscope thing. I may be magic, but not THAT magic."

Merv: "Oh, it's cause of me that the best character here is dying."

Dennis: "Don't say things like that."

Clapboard: "Especially since I just realized that dying is awful."

Kirby: "This is just like the movie all over again. The animated one, I mean."

Meta-Knight: "Circle of life, man."

Arcee: "I just hope that he won't get replaced by a douche like what happened with Rodimus."

Prowl: "We know that won't happen."

Optimus: "Friends, don't worry about me. When one door closes...another will open...."

Dennis: "...What's happening?!"

Seaspray: "Regeneration."

Kirby: "Wait, I thought only..."

Santa: "Well, there are a few being in this universe that can regenerate. Myself, Time Lords, and certain Transformers like Optimus here."

Dennis: "That's awfully convenient."

Optimus: "Uhh..."

Optimus: "I hate it when that happens."

Arcee: "You just regenerated, sir."

Optimus: "We saved Christmas from the Decepticons, so I'd say that it was worth it this time. By the way, did you get taller?"

Dennis: "So...you're still Optimus? You just look different?"

Merv: "And sound different?"

Optimus: "It usually comes with a personality change, too. I don't notice anything different yet, but you'll get used to the new me eventually."

Optimus: "I'm awfully sorry we dragged you into this, Santa."

Santa: "I had fun. We should really do this again some time."

Santa: "It IS the 24th after all, and I must be going! Gotta give those gifts and all!"

Santa: "But first, I'll give you a gift!"

Santa: "Let's tidy up this corpse!"

CHRISTMAS MAGIC!!

Santa: "There you go, one Awesome Computer, totally guaranteed to never transform into a hideous bird thing!"

Optimus: "And there's a new Marc Maron podcast with Michael Ian Black already installed! This is the best Christmas ever!"

Santa: "It's what I do, Mr. Prime."

Arcee: "Yep, same old Optimus."

Dennis: "Awesome. But what about the rest of us?"

Santa: "You'll get them later tonight. I got rules to take care of, and I gotta get back to the North Pole if I want to get them to you guys in time."

Santa: "See you next year, everyone!"

Santa: "Away!"

Santa: "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Merv: "I knew Santa rode an electric razor!"

Clapboard: "So...he had that the whole time?"

Dennis: "Sigh."

THE END!

Follow Me on Twitter!
"Like" Beaming For Bunnies on Facebook!
"Like" my Simpsons Quote of The Day Facebook Page!

The Christmas Prophesy: Day Shall Fall and Darkness Rise...

2011-12-23T22:34:00.000-05:00

The Story So Far... (read these first!)
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9

On the eve of the 25th Day of the 12th Month of
The 11th Year, the day shall fall and darkness rise.

Doom will come the man in red, the hero so wise.

Unless The Keys are found, All Shall Die...

Dennis: "Dear whoever is watching this right now, I have one thing to say: I'm very scared."

Dennis: "It's been one week since Megatron got a hold of all four Keys of MacGuffin."

Dennis: "We don't know how it happened, but doing so turned him into a giant monster bent on destroying not only us, but the entire world."

Dennis: "Fortunately, we have Optimus Prime and the other Autobots to keep him at bay, but we don't know how much longer it'll last."

Dennis: "But whenever it looks like the tide will turn to our side, Megatron just kicks one of the Autobots. This happens a lot, but they keep getting back up. But this time..."

Optimus: "Ugh...my everything hurts..."

Arcee: "Could someone just get off me?!"

Optimus: "I will once my everything stops hurting."

Dennis: "Us non-Autobots: Merv, Clapboard, and myself, have gone into hiding to make sure we don't die. We sent our friends Kirby and Seaspray to find Santa Claus and protect him should he exist, but we haven't heard back from them since they left."

Dennis: "I'd blog this on a computer instead of simply talking to myself like I've been for the past week, but if you remember last time, it turns out that our magic computer turned out to be the Decepticon Laserbeak in disguise. Fifteen Marc Maron podcasts lost for good. This Christmas is turning into the worst one yet."

Merv: "Would you cut the Blair Witch crap out for a second? It's my turn to shout head-on to an invisible camera lens."

Clapboard: "And look on the bright side, the Decepticons haven't found us yet. They might be powerful, but they're not too bright."

Thunderwing: "You know we can see ya guys hiding and talking to yaselves."

Merv: "Crap, I was hoping he wouldn't notice."

Thunderwing: "Yo, Megatron, dose little Earthlings have been ova here this entire time! How bout you smash them?"

Megatron: RAAAAAARRRRRR!!

Dennis: "...We could really use a miracle right about now."

Megatron: EARTHLINGS! TIME TO....RARRR...DIE!

Megatron: ARGH!

Meta-Knight: "Damn, I'm slick."

Kirby: "Did somebody order some heroes?"

Seaspray: "Looks like we got here in the nick of time!"

Dennis: "Kirby, Seaspray, you guys are okay! I was worried sick!"

Kirby: "I'm a star warrior, I was fine. I had Seaspray to help me out, too."

Kirby: "I gotta introduce you to my new friends!"

Kirby: "Meta-Knight, Mr. Snowman, and..."

Clapboard: "Wow, Santa DOES exist."

Santa: "Damn right I do."

Merv: "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, you're Mistah Snowman! From the Advent Calendar stories!"

Mr. Snowman: "Umm...darn tootin!"

Merv: "But something just seems...off. Did you always have that carrot nose? And where's your ham?"

Mr. Snowman: "Uhh...of course I've always had this carrot! And that ham was getting moldy."

Merv: "Hmm. Weird."

Mr. Snowman: "Still doubting me? I'll prove you that I'm the genuine article!"

Mr. Snowman: "HUMMINA HUMMINA CLOSEUP!"

Merv: "Mistah Snowman, it IS you!"

Mr. Snowman: "Whew, dodged a bullet there."

Merv: "So how'd you guys know where we were? And how'd you get here so fast?"

Meta-Knight: "We traveled by map."

Mr. Snowman: "It was a good movie."

Kirby: "So what's the skinny here? What did we miss?"

Dennis: "Well...you know those MacGuffin Keys we were supposed to find? As soon as we got three of the keys, we were ambushed by the Decepticons."

Dennis: "...those guys..."

Dennis: "Who took our keys and combined them with the one that they had with something called The Omega Lock, which turned Megatron over there into a giant rampaging monster that's been fighting us for the past week."

Merv: "I got a sack from a giant Pokemon."

Kirby: "It's a nice sack."

Meta-Knight: "So, we made it just in time for the climax? That's just my style."

Meta-Knight: "Five giant robots attacking us? No big deal, Kirby and I'll hold them off while you guys regroup or something."

Seaspray: "Optimus, I'm here for you guys!"

Optimus: "Seaspray? You...survived. In any case, we need all the help we can get right now. And I need to owe Prowl twenty bucks."

Santa: "It's finally nice to meet the rest of the Auotobots."

Santa: "And that giant robot is the darkness that the prophesy foretold?"

Dennis: "We assume so, yes."

Optimus: "Okay, who the fuck is this guy?"

Seaspray: "It's Santa Claus! You know...the guy you sent us to protect? He gives everyone gifts? He looked like the wish granting machine from A Garfield Christmas the last time you saw him?"

Optimus: "You'd think I'd remember doing something like that. The useful Autobots are all outta commission right now or else those Decepticons would be a pile of scrap by now.

Santa: "It just so happens that my Christmas Hand Energy can heal you guys."

AAAAAHHHHHH!!!

Perceptor: "It burns!"

Prowl: "Well whaddaya know? We're fine again!"

Optimus: "We can't thank you enough, Magic Man!"

Santa: "It's what I do. It IS Christmas after all."

Clapboard: "Hey, what day is it today, anyway?"

Merv: "Yeah, I've been scared shitless to remember the days."

Dennis: "Hmm, who's got a calendar?"

Perceptor: "I do!"

Perceptor: "This should suffice for you."

Dennis: "This is perfect!"

Dennis: "December 24th? Ah, crap. At least we got reinforcements and the Autobots on our side."

Seaspray: "Speaking of, what about me? If you can heal my friends, why not fix my transforming problem?"

Santa: "Well, you see, Seaspray, you had the ability to transform the whole time! You just needed to believe in yourself and the Christmas spirit!"

Seaspray: "...You serious about that?"

Santa: "Nah, I'm just yankin' yer chain. Lemme give you some hand energy."

Seaspray: "I can feel it! AND IT BURNS!"

Seaspray: "TRANSFORM!"

Seaspray: "Hey, I did it!"

Seaspray: "Wow, heh, I'm just as tall as Optimus!"

Optimus: "Stop emasculating me."

Optimus: "Look like it's time to pull ourselves together and pull out the big guns for justice, Autobots!!"

Optimus: "Almost got it..."

Optimus: "There we go!"

Optimus: "Autobots, ATTACK!"

TO BE CONTINUED!

Follow Me on Twitter!
"Like" Beaming For Bunnies on Facebook!
"Like" my Simpsons Quote of The Day Facebook Page!

Doctor Whosday: 500 Miles

2011-12-20T21:28:00.001-05:00

Okay, I lied. Since work's been beating the crap outta me this week, I'm posting another Doctor Whosday in lieu of a Better Know a Christmas entry. I'm also working on the finale of the Dennis Christmas Story. It may be split up into 2 parts, but I don't know yet.

Back on track, I found this great David Tennant-era video of the entire crew dancing to The Proclaimer's "500 Miles." The dancing Ood is what really makes this for me.

See ya later in the week. But for now, sleep. By the way, whatever I post next will be post #300! That's...pretty awesome.

Follow Me on Twitter!
"Like" Beaming For Bunnies on Facebook!
"Like" my Simpsons Quote of The Day Facebook Page!

The Christmas Prophesy: The Final Key

2011-12-17T22:00:00.000-05:00

The Story So Far... (read these first!)
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8

ONE WEEK REMAINS...

Prowl: I can't believe we got the third key that easily."

Arcee: "All it took was a road race with a bunch of giant HESS cars to win the Key of Speed. Explosions, hazards, spikes. No big deal for me."

Perceptor: "I agree. It was a spectacular show to say the least."

KEY GET!

Optimus: "It's awesome, expensive stuff like that race that makes your contribution to this team totally worth it."

Arcee: "Thanks, sir. It...really means a lot, I guess."

Dennis: "Sorry for the exposition folks, we started a little early this week."

Dennis: "I can't believe we only have one more key to get to see that the prophesy doesn't come true."

Clapboard: "And we have a week to spare."

Merv: "Hey, I got me a sack. It's all good for me from here on in."

Optimus: "Speaking of which, where did you guys put the other keys?"

Merv: "Oh, I put them right next to our awesome computer."

Dennis: "I have to say that it's pretty nice. And an Apple to boot."

Optimus: "It's a wonder that we found it in the first place. It's made this grueling fetch quest a hell of a lot easier."

Perceptor: "Optimus, do you find it weird that this computer keeps following us? None of us have been carrying it anywhere."

Optimus: "This thing lets me listen to the Marc Maron podcast, so whatever is making it walk is allright in my book."

Dennis: "What the hell?!"

Megatron: "Next time I won't miss."

Merv: "A landmaster tank?"

Optimus: "Worse. Decepticons."

Megatron: "DECEPTICONS, TRANSFORM!"

Arcee: "Yeah...we're fucked."

Prowl: "Wait, where's Thundercracker?"

Clapboard: "Umm...Thundercracker?"

Perceptor: "Thundercracker is this horrible jet that looked like Starscream, only blue."

Optimus: "And we've got Thunderwing instead. Fuck."

Megatron: "Thundercracker was executed for being an idiot."

Megatron: "But don't worry, Autobots, you'll be joining him soon enough."

Optimus: "So we meet again, you fucking scoundrel. Don't you have anything better to do than to ruin Christmas again?"

Megatron: "You have something I want, Prime. We're here for your Keys of MacGuffin."

Merv: "Um...uhh....keys? What keys? We have no keys here!"

Megatron: "Don't play me like a sap. I know that you have three of the MacGuffin Keys, and we will tear you all limb from limb until you give them up."

Starscream: "You don't want us to do this the hard way, you know. I certainly want to, though. That's the fun part of the job."

Clapoard: "Now see here, I don't know who you guys are, but you have no right to steal what isn't yours. We're collecting those keys so this terrible prophesy doesn't kill us all!"

Megatron: "And all I see is one strange abomination trying to attempt some reason."

Clapboard: "AAHHH!"

Merv: "Speak to me, Clapboard!"

Dennis: "Why the hell did you do something as stupid as that?!"

Clapboard: "You heard the guy: I'm a strange abomination and I tried to take myself out once and for all. Can't you see that's what I was trying to do this entire story?!"

Arcee: "But...you're okay."

Prowl: "Not many people can take a shot of Megatron's arm cannon to the face and live, pal. Consider yourself special."

Clapboard: "I might as well. I'm made of vinyl and it looks like...I can't die. That might be good for something."

Megatron: "As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by that horrid being attempting to be heroic, I. Want. Your. Keys."

Optimus: "Well, you can't have them! Besides, we only have three of them! You still need the fourth one?"

Megatron: "Oh, no?"

Megatron: "It just so happens that I'm in possession of the final key!"

Optimus: "You attached a key to a bidet? You know this won't stand, Megatron!"

Megatron: "This isn't a bidet, stupid! At least not anymore. Tell me Autobots, just what were you going to do with the four keys once you had them?"

Optimus: "Umm..."

Prowl: "Uhh...."

Arcee: "Umm..."

Perceptor: "Never thought about that..."

Merv: "I dunno."

Clapboard: "Good question."

Dennis: "Search me."

Megatron: "Well, this is the Omega Lock, the catalyst to your doom! I just need a moment to add the other keys to complete my set!"

Megatron: "Soundwave, do your stuff!"

Soundwave: "As you command."

Soundwave: "Laserbeak, transform. Operation: collection."

Dennis: "...Laserbeak?!"

"Yes!"

Laserbeak: "Suckers, I was your computer this whole time!"

Laserbeak: "Oh by the way, Marc Maron's podcast is boring. Haha!"

Dennis: "You...you..."

Optimus: "Mudflap, what did I tell you all those years ago? If you see Transformers running around, assume all inanimate objects are Transformers, too!"

Dennis: "Yeah, I should've seen this coming."

Laserbeak: "Yes, you should've."

Laserbeak: "Three Keys of MacGuffin, at your service, Lord Megatron."

Megatron: "Excellent! Oh, I'm escatic! Now it's time to insert the keys in the holes..."

Megatron: "Only two to go..."

Dennis: "No! You...fiends! We won't let you!"

Starscream: "And what are you going to do about it?"

Dennis: "Umm..."

Thunderwing: "Just try an stop us, Autobots!"

Perceptor: "Can't you see we're trying?!"

Optimus: "Megatron, you don't know what you're doing!! Stop doing things at once!"

Megatron: "Oh, I know exactly what I'm doing with these."

Megatron: "These keys will seal your doom, Prime! I can feel their power surging through me already!"

Optimus: "No! Stop ruining Christmas!"

Dennis: "Well, it's hopeless now..."

Clapboard: "Stop acting like me for a second, Dennis! Even though I can't die, everything will turn out allright, I just know it will."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"

Clapboard: "Or...maybe not."

"AAAAHHHHHH! SO MUCH RAW POWER!!!! WISDOM, MIGHT, SPEED...RARR...WHATEVER THIS OTHER ONE IS, I CAN FEEL IT! I'M...GROWING. GETTING STRONGER."

BIGGER...

MIGHTIER...

FEELING...RARRRRRRR!!!!

RRRRRRRRRRR...

I...HAVE...THE POWER.

"RARRR. SO...MASSIVE. POW...AUTOBOTS..."

Dennis: "We're screwed for real, aren't we Optimus?"

Optimus: "Yep."

Megatron: "ALL...SHALL...DIE..."

TO BE CONTINUED!

Follow Me on Twitter!
"Like" Beaming For Bunnies on Facebook!
"Like" my Simpsons Quote of The Day Facebook Page!

The Christmas Prophesy: Decepticons...Deceiving?

2011-12-16T23:05:00.000-05:00

The Story So Far... (read these first!)
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7

9 DAYS REMAIN...

Megatron: "Ahh, Laserbeak. What news do you have to report?"

Laserbeak: "Lord Megatron, I've infiltrated the Autobots and their band of pathetic Earthlings to find that they have two of the Keys of MacGuffin! But...how can that be?!"

Megatron: "Oh, you weren't here for this, but Thunderwing here told us that the ones we had were all phony. $8000 in the hole for nothing."

Megatron: "But as luck would have it, that turncoat Straxus sent him to give us one of the real ones along with this Omega Lock that can track down the other keys. My plan is that we wait until the Autobots gain the last key, and THEN we swoop down and grab them for ourselves!"

Soundwave: "But Megatron, that was..."

Megatron: "You know what? You're starting to sound like someone who has one less head after speaking out of turn."

Soundwave: "...Never mind."

Laserbeak: "A beautiful bounty and an excellent plan, Lord Megatron. As I can see it, the Autobots should be getting the final key within a day or so. I can take you right to them as soon as possible."

Megatron: "Thank you, Laserbeak. You're dismissed. I like it when I have minions that are useful for something."

Megatron: "Decepticons, Laserbeak shall go on ahead, then we strike!"

Decepticons: "Yes, sir!"

Thunderwing: "Can I speak to ya for a minute, Stahscream?"

Starscream: "What is it now, Thunderwing?"

Thunderwing: "I just wanted to have a talk with ya. Ya know about Straxus, right?"

Starscream: "Of course. Did he actually give up his plans?"

Thunderwing: "No...he hasn't. The Big Boss says that he's plannin' to overthrow Megatron the next time his guard is down and he sent me to convince the rest of ya to go join us."

Starscream: "You mean...?"

Thunderwing: "Yep, new world order. It'll be awesome. No one, not even the Autobots will be able ta stand in our way!"

Starscream: "But...I could never betray Lord Megatron!"

Thunderwing: "Just because I have dis here accent don't mean I'm dumb, Stahscream. Everyone knows you talking about how you wanna replace Megatron as leader and do...other weird things to him."

Starscream: "And what do you mean by that?"

Thunderwing: "Hey, I don't care what ya wanna do with him. That's your business. But my question is: Are ya in?"

Starscream: "Ugh, pervert. I'm not into such things. But tell me this: when Straxus takes Megatron out, I'll be the new leader, right?"

Thunderwing: "Yeah...sure, whatever ya want. So are ya in?"

Starscream: "Count me in. Imagine me: Starscream, RULER OF ALL DECEPTICONS!"

Thundercraker: "Hey, what the hell's going on here?"

Thunderwing: "New world order, Thundahcracker. We're finally taking out Megatron. You have your issues with him, right? Have you ever noticed that he treats tha rest of ya like crap and takes all your ideas for himself?

Thundercracker: "Well, yeah. You have a point, but..."

Thunderwing: "So...Ya in?"

Thundercracker: "Well...no! No! Decepticons...deceiving?! I won't stand for it! I'm telling Megatron!"

Thunderwing: "Oh, that's too bad, Thundahcracker. But I don't think you'll be tellin' anyone anything."

Starscream: "Thunderwing, what the hell are you doing?!"

Thundercracker: "For once in your life Thunderwing, listen to Starscream! Just put the guns down and let's all go kill the Autobots together. We love that, right?"

Thunderwing: "We also love compliance. And evil. But you knew that already."

Thundercracker: "Yeah, I should've seen this coming."

Thunderwing: "You'll see this, though."

BZZZT!

Thundercracker: "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!"

Thundercracker: "Now I'll never get my GQ subscriptioooooooooon!"

Starscream: "...He's not getting back up from that, is he?"

Thunderwing: "Nope."

Starscream: "For the record, I already told you I'm in for this New World Order thing."

Megatron: "THUNDERWING! STARSCREAM! WHAT IN BLAZES HAPPENED HERE?!"

Starscream: "Lord Megatron! Well, I, uhh..."

Thunderwing: "We caught Thundahcracker planning a mutiny, so I shot him down that huge pit that you guys have here."

Megatron: "Ugh, seriously? Honestly, between Straxus, Starscream, and now Thundercracker it's hard to find anyone around here who ISN'T planning a mutiny around here."

Megatron: "To be honest, it was getting confusing with two Decepticons with "thunder" in their name running around here. So good job, Thunderwing."

Megatron: "But stop your dillydallying you two, the Omega Lock has activated and is pointing towards the final key! We leave at once! Transform and follow me!"

Thunderwing & Starscream: "Yes, Lord Megatron!"

TO BE CONTINUED!

Follow Me on Twitter!
"Like" Beaming For Bunnies on Facebook!
"Like" my Simpsons Quote of The Day Facebook Page!

Better Know a Christmas: Catalonia

2011-12-13T22:24:00.004-05:00

What the hell's Catalonia, you ask? Well friends, you've come to the right place! It might not be a country, but it IS this week's culture in the spotlight for Better Know a Christmas Tuesday.

Catalonia in the most part, is an autonomous community in Spain, as seen here:

It's the one in red.

is most known for containing the city of Barcelona, and celebrates Christmas like most of Spain: Nativity scenes, bank holidays, feasts, a higher than usual concentration of the religious aspect of the holiday, etc.

Christmas Eve is the general day the traditional Christmassy stuff is celebrated on, but the gifts are given on December 6th, St. Nicholas' Day, just like countries like The Netherlands and Germany. Like those other countries, the children put their shoes out to be filled with gifts.

December 8th, however, is Three Kings Day, which has even bigger importance to the Spaniards than St. Nicholas Day and is where the better gifts are given out. Then there's New Year's, and the Epiphany on January 6th.

But none of that is important about this specific region. What I've been wanting to talk about are its Christmas traditions that Catalonia sets itself apart from the rest of the world: The Caganer and the Tio de Nadal.

This is Caganer:

A figurine of a little boy shitting. Or in this case, a Mini Paul Reiser in a buccaneer costume shitting an orange. Every source I went to on the Internet doesn't know the exact origin of Shitting Paul Reiser, but it seems that it dates back to the 1800s. I'm chalking this up to my usual "Paul Reiser had fun with a time machine" theory that I use towards things that have to do with the origins of international customs that I don't understand.

In that same vein, this is the Tio de Nadal:

Paul Reiser is a dick for going back in time to redefine the term "Yule Log."

The Pooping Log. This thing combines the best aspects of Christmas, Pinatas, and Crapping (the Holy Trinity): You fill a log with candy and fruit, and if you've been a good boy or girl that eats lots of fiber, it'll all fall out on Christmas Day. When it's done, a salted herring falls out of it. Just like Nana used to do in the twilight of her life. I miss her.

Did I mention that there's even a song you sing to it before whacking it with a stick? It goes like this:

"Caga tió,

caga torró,
avellanes i mató,
si no cagues bé
et daré un cop de bastó.
caga tió!"

Which translates to, and I'm not making this up:

"Shit log,

shit turrón [candy],
hazelnuts and cottage cheese,
if you don't shit well,
I'll hit you with a stick,
shit log!"

It's like the Log Song from Ren & Stimpy, only, you know, with crapping! I'm gonna consider this Christmas Better Known. I'm gonna go now to...umm...fill up the log.

Pictured: Me 5 minutes from now.

Until next time, don't forget to check out the other Christmases that I've Better Known:

Japan
Sweden
Great Britain
Germany
Australia
The Netherlands

Follow Me on Twitter!
"Like" Beaming For Bunnies on Facebook!
"Like" my Simpsons Quote of The Day Facebook Page!

The Christmas Prophesy: The Key of Might

2011-12-11T19:07:00.000-05:00

The Story So Far... (read these first!)
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

12 DAYS REMAIN...

Megatron: "At last, all of the MacGuffin Keys are ours, and nary an Autobot in sight!"

Megatron: "We won't be needing this anymore!"

Starscream: "So...what happens now, my mighty liege? Aren't these blasted keys supposed to do something once they're all in one place?"

Megatron: "Hmm...for once you may have a point, Starscream."

Megatron: "Well, let's see what we got..."

Starscream: "Here's the key that I won off that idiotic Wisdom Cube. What in blazes is this thing on the square? Honestly, I never noticed it until now. Looks like Willie Nelson if you ask me."

Soundwave: "This key is from that hotel in Atlantic City."

Megatron: "Frankly, that craphole was a waste of time to begin with."

Starscream: "Especially since I lost about $8000 in our funds in video poker."

Megatron: "You what?!"

Starscream: "Nothing, nothing."

Thundercracker: "Yeah, well, here's that album from the Black Keys. That's magic, right?"

Starscream: "Possibly, as is this autograph from the human Keifer Sutherland. Honestly Megatron, how do you expect us to use these things against the Autobots?"

???: "You can't because dose keys are all fakes!"

Megatron: "Oh, it's you."

Megatron: "Thunderwing."

Megatron: "I was expecting Laserbeak to be here with his report on the Autobots, but instead I find you. How dare you show your face here after running off to the East with Straxus. Is he still plotting that useless endeavor of overthrowing me?"

Thunderwing: "Well, yes and no, Lord Megatron. Straxus overheard about this so-called prophesy and your quest for the Macguffin Keys and he sent me to tell you about those keys you have. They're fakes. All fakes."

Starscream: "I knew it! So...can I keep this autograph, then?"

Megatron: "Blast it all! Our efforts were all for naught?!"

Thunderwing: "Pretty much. But hey, Straxus sends his good tidings. It IS the Earth holiday of Christmas, and he wants you to have this."

Thunderwing: "Dis here's one of the REAL Keys of MacGuffin. I dunno where he got it from, but he told me that this was the real deal, and he wanted me to give it to you guys."

Megatron: "Whatever this Christmas is, it's come early! We're on our way to destroy those pitiful Autobots!"

KEY GET!

Megatron: "But wait...what's this about Christmas?"

Megatron: "Soundwave, what do you have in your files?"

Soundwave: "Christmas: Definition: An Earth holiday that involves the giving of gifts by a fat human named Santa Claus. It is traditionally celebrated on the 25th day of December."

Thundercracker: "Oh, I heard about that guy! He's jolly and wears a red suit! I asked him for a subscription to GQ magazine this year!"

Megatron: "Santa Claus, eh? And he's in red, you say? And the 25th day of December? That's exactly when the doom of the prophesy is supposed to befall the Man in Red. If this Man in Red is him, someone that powerful MUST be worth looking into. Especially if he, ugh, GIVES."

Thunderwing: "Oh wait, Straxus told me to tell you has has that covered, too! He sent someone over to spy on him just in case anything were to happen with him."

Thunderwing: "Hell if I know what he looks like or if he ever got back to Straxus with anything."

Megatron: "Well, what do you know, at least SOMEONE showed signs of cunning intelligence." So...what now? None of us know how to use these blasted things, and I doubt you do, either."

Thunderwing: "Hmm, yer right about that. Straxus doesn't tell me nuthin when I'm around."

Starscream: "Don't forget that Megatron destroyed the only copy of the map that we had! If I was in charge, this never would've happened!"

Megatron: "Shut it. Can't you see that I'm holding in every gear in my body from blasting somebody's head off?!"

Thunderwing: "Hmm, yer right about all that."

Thunderwing: "Oh hey, I almost forgot! Straxus told me you also need something called the Omega Lock. It's this big statue thing that fits all the keys. He also told me that if you put even one of the keys in it, it'll show you where the othas are!"

Thundercracker: "Oh, you mean this thing?"

Thundercracker: "I was wondering what that thing was. We've been using it as a bidet for months!"

Megatron: "Don't you disparage the bidet! But it looks the part, let's see if it works!"

Megatron: "By Primus' beard, it actually works!"

Starscream: "I knew it would this whole time! All hail the sexy lord Megatron!"

Megatron: "I know a hollow declaration when I see one, Starscream. But let me have this one."

Soundwave: "Proposition, Megatron: We wait for the Autobots to gain the other keys, then take them when they least suspect it."

Megatron: "An excellent idea, Soundwave. Laserbeak should be here any minute, then we make our attack!"

"HAHAHAHA!"

MEANWHILE...

Optimus: "Die, you scum!"

Arcee: "We got them now!"

Prowl: "At least we finally get to do something in this story!"

Perceptor: "These scoundrels shouldn't bother us any more."

Perceptor: "Such adorable carnage."

Optimus: "Oh hell yeah, we'll be eatin' good tonight!"

Clapboard: "Those lucky, lucky Pokemon."

Elekid: "You guys didn't need to KILL my friends in battle, but I appreciate your enthusiasm."

Optimus: "So you'll keep up with your end of the bargain, then?"

Elekid: "I'll admit, you did best my Pokemon friends. You can have this."

Elekid: "This is the Key of Might, one of the Keys of MacGuffin. Forgive me for actually valuing my life here. The Cube Guy warned me about roving gangs of robots a few weeks back."

Dennis: "It's no prob. Thank you kindly for this!"

KEY GET!

Dennis: "Well, that was actually kinda easy."

Merv: "That thing even gave me dis magic sack! Pretty neat, eh?"

Dennis: "Looks like a regular sack if you ask me."

Merv: "You're just jealous that you don't have a sack you can ride around in. I gotta say, this is a lot like that Kuribo Shoe from Mario 3, except, ya know, I'm the one in the sack."

Merv: I'm gonna regret saying that, right?"

Dennis: "The internet is forever, my friend."

Merv: "The what?"

Dennis: "In any case, it was nothing short of a miracle that we got that key. Wasn't expecting a battle, there."

Merv: "And it was all thanks to this magic computer we found!"

Clapboard: "Can't believe it actually knew how to kill those things."

Dennis: "It's a shame there's no wifi around here. Then we could find our way around and maybe get in touch with Kirby and Seaspray."

Merv: "Didn't you read that last blog post? They're fine!"

Dennis: "The what?"

Optimus: "No time for forced exposition Autobots, we need to roll out to find the third key ASAP!"

"Right!"

"..."

"...Ok, they're gone."

Laserbeak: "About damn time they left me alone. I shan't be late to my report to Lord Megatron!"

TO BE CONTINUED!

Follow Me on Twitter!
"Like" Beaming For Bunnies on Facebook!
"Like" my Simpsons Quote of The Day Facebook Page!

The Christmas Prophesy: Let's Nab Santa!

2011-12-09T20:13:00.001-05:00

The Story So Far... (read these first!)
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

15 DAYS REMAIN...

Kirby: "Come on, it'll be fun."

Meta-Knight: "For the last time, I'm not getting involved in another one of your shenanigans. Those two stupid holiday specials were participation enough. I've got such a busy schedule on my hands anyway. Being a popular video game character every day takes a lot out of you."

Seaspray: "Well buddy, at least we tried. Looks like we'll have to save Santa ourselves and leave Meta-Knight to untangle his phone cords. We're gonna be heroes for doing this, you know."

Meta-Knight: "...Wait, what?"

Kirby: "Well, we DO have to protect Santa, and you know that anyone who manages to save either him or Christmas are always greeted as giant heroes."

Seaspray: "It would've been awesome with you on our side. Come on, you LOOK more awesome than either of us. The mask, the sword, your cape turns into bat wings. But looks like the kudos will have to be ours and ours alone."

Seaspray: "Come on, let's get going."

Meta-Knight: "Actually, guys..."

Meta-Knight: "I'm coming with you. And you know I'm doing this for the kudos and the ladies! There will be ladies, right?"

Kirby: "Ladies love people who save Christmas."

Meta-Knight: "Then it's settled: Let's save us a Christmas, then! For the ladies! ONLY THE LADIES."

LATER!

Seapray: "At this rate, we should be at the North Pole in no-time!"

Meta-Knight: "Couldn't we have traveled by map?"

Seaspray and Kirby: "..."

Meta-Knight: "What? The Muppets did it!"

Kirby: "We didn't see the movie yet. We were too busy trying to find Santa while trying to find and recruit you!"

Seaspray: "I heard it was pretty good, though."

Meta-Knight: "Well, then you won't mind me telling you guys my review of the movie filled with every spoiler imaginable."

BAM!

Seaspray: "Autobot down! Autobot down!"

Kirby: "Crap, we hit something! And none of us have insurance."

Meta-Knight: "I think we hit that guy..."

Kirby: "Ohhhhh shit. Oh shit. Shit fucking shitfuck. Santa actually exists! And we killed him! Quick, make it look like a suicide!"

Meta-Knight: "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Even if he is dead, I'm not picking up his suit. I saw that movie before, and the only thing it'll lead to is two crappy sequels."

Seaspray: "Guys? A little help, please?"

Kirby: "Oh, sorry."

Meta-Knight: "Damn, you're heavy."

Kirby: "Hey, maybe that hit knocked something loose in you! See if you can transform!"

Seaspray: "Okay, I'll try it. SEASPRAY, TRANSFORM!"

Seaspray: "Uggh...uh...Crap. Nothing. Sorry guys."

Kirby: "It was worth a shot."

Meta-Knight: "Figures that the Water Guy can't do jack."

Seaspray: "WHAT WAS THAT?! If only I could right myself, I'd..."

Seaspray: "...Hey, what the?"

Seaspray: "I'm...the right side up again! How the hell did that happen?!"

Santa: "Oh, that would be me."

Kirby: "Oh...my...God. You're alive? How?!"

Meta-Knight: "I remember you from that Christmas special we were in a few years back. You gave me that sweet HESS truck, but I swear you looked a hell of a lot different. And bigger."

Santa: "Duly noted. But your points are indeed valid: you guys DID kill me. I just regenerated is all."

Seaspray: "Regenerated? I thought only --"

Santa: "Yes, I'm able to do that, too. When I was granted immortality centuries ago by the Spirits of Christmas, I learned it came with a price. I can still die, but my physical body changes its shape to heal itself. It still hurts like hell, but it works."

Seaspray: "So how did you flip me over?"

Santa: "Hand energy. Only mighty wielders of magic, and horses with ass polyps, can use it. It came with the immortality. Those spirits also gave me my sleigh, which can travel through time and space in an instant."

Kirby: "Heh, so that's how you deliver all those presents in one night. But wait, Merv showed me stories about how a new Santa appears every year from an Advent Calendar while the previous one retires."

Santa: "That used to be the case, but in the last few years, there haven't been any new Santas! There were LEGO ones, yes, but they don't count! Yoda as Santa? Pfft, I'm the REAL current Santa. Accept no substitutes!"

Santa: "But the real question is: Why are you people here?"

Kirby: "It's a long story."

ONE LONG STORY LATER...

Santa: "Hmm...this prophesy you talk about sounds like bad news, indeed. You boys were pretty smart to come find me if it's doom for the man in red."

Meta-Knight: "So...you're okay with us bumbling idiots and one handsome video game character protecting you?"

Santa: "Yeah, guess so. It just so happens that I have a little more time on my hands than usual this year. I usually assign Advent Calendars to a bunch of saps down south to open up, but I revoked their privileges this year two days in. That damn snowman was gonna send LETTERS. It didn't look Christmassy at all!"

Kirby: "I know my friend Merv was devastated when he found out about the cancellation."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merv: "OH GOD, WHY DID THEY HAVE TO CANCEL THE ADVENT CALENDAR?! I CAN'T GO ON ANY LONGER!!"

Arcee: "Sir, he's been acting this way for over a week now. Can I shoot him yet?"

Optimus: "Sure!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Seaspray: "...Did you say Snowman, Santa? You mean this Snowman who's been standing next to us offscreen for the past two hours?"

Mr. Snowman: "Oh boy, new Christmas friends!"

Kirby: "I'll be honest, you don't quite look like the Snowman from the stories I saw."

Santa: "I might still be woozy from the regeneration/head-on collision, but I'm pretty sure this is the same idiot."

Mr. Snowman: "Of course I am, silly! I'm...Mister Snowman! CHRISTMAS MAGIC for everyone!"

Meta-Knight: "My God, somebody kill this thing before I slash him in half myself."

Santa: "Better looking demons have tried and failed, my friend."

Mr. Snowman: "Here, look you guys, I'll prove it to you that I'm the magical advent snowman!"

"HUMINA HUMINA HUMINA EXTREME CLOSEUP OF MY FACE!"

Kirby: "Hmm...he made an extreme closeup of his face while saying something stupid. This is him, allright."

Mr. Snowman: "See, I told you guys that I'm the real deal!"

Mr. Snowman: "You know, I heard everything you guys were saying. We should totally go find your friends to smother them with CHRISTMAS MAGIC!"

Kirby: "You know, that sounds like a good idea, Mister Snowman!"

TO BE CONTINUED!

Follow Me on Twitter!
"Like" Beaming For Bunnies on Facebook!
"Like" my Simpsons Quote of The Day Facebook Page!

Better Know a Christmas: The Netherlands

2011-12-06T20:13:00.001-05:00

It's oddly appropriate that the first "Better Know a Christmas Tuesday" of the season just happened to fall on December 6th. For those not in the know, "Better Know a Christmas" is one of my many unpopular blog post series in which I tell my five readers about the traditions of Christmas from around the world. In today's featured country, The Netherlands, December 6th is Sinterklaas, their version of St. Nicholas' Day.

Oh, they still celebrate Christmas, which still falls on the 25th, but they celebrate this one beforehand. European countries getting two Christmases is one of many reasons why I regret America being founded by temperate prudes. Also, The Netherlands is also sometimes called Holland for some reason. Yet another reason to hate those prudes.

According to my ten minutes of research: On this day St. Nicholas, here called Sinterklaas, who looks like this:

Santa Pope is not amused.

is highly regarded as the Patron Saint of Sailors, and he travels from Spain to the Netherlands to give gifts to the good Dutch girland boys with his helper Zwarte Piet.

Yeah...this guy. I've explained before that while we in America and other western cultures know of him employing elves, European Santa Lore dictates Mr. Claus having a helper to punish the wicked. Here, he's named Zwarte Piet or Black Peter and he delivers candy and overall amusement to the children.

Depending on the country of origin, he's either a man from the Moors (African), a naughty child that was kidnapped by Sinterklaas (their version of Santa) to serve as a warning to other children while covered in chimney soot (I don't know which one is worse, actually), or in countries like Germany he's either a Santa-like helper or a demon named Krampus that either kidnaps naughty children or simply whips people with reeds. As I've mentioned in the past, Krampus is freaking awesome, and a much better holiday figure than some guy in blackface.

But getting back to traditions, they pretty much celebrate Christmas the same way they do everywhere else. Food, wreaths, carols, trees, the works. For some reason, Christmas trees are called Paradise Trees and for some reason people also build wooden pyramids that are decorated with wreaths and crap.

THAT'S a Christmas Pyramid?! I love those, they're amazing in a delightfully kitschy way. I'll confess that I absolutely love Kitchy Kristmas Krap, and those pyramids are right up there with nesting dolls and that advent calendar that I have that I fill up with scratch-off lotto tickets. I think it's becoming obvious that I wrote that above paragraph before writing this one.

When the big feast comes along, you better believe the common folk eat like kings. According to this one random page on the internet, the Dutch like to eat "North Sea shrimps; smoked fish (especially salmon and eel); soup; roast or stewed poultry or meat, such as duck, turkey, beef, wild boar or venison; and some choicest seasonal vegetables."

Looks like they use Christmas Crackers, too.

Oh baby, I hate to be on this part of the world right now. Fucking prudes.

For the rest of the moth, I'm going to ask everyone I meet if they wanna go Dutch for Christmas. Surely they'll mind, right? I consider this Christmas better known, if I may say so. Until next time, don't forget to check out the other Christmases that I've Better Known:

Japan
Sweden
Great Britain
Germany
Australia

Follow Me on Twitter!
"Like" Beaming For Bunnies on Facebook!
"Like" my Simpsons Quote of The Day Facebook Page!

Wait a sec..."Kitschy Kristmas Krap?" "KKK?"...that's not good...

The Christmas Prophesy: Dennis vs The Wisdom Cube

2011-12-05T19:57:00.000-05:00

The Story So Far... (read these first!)
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

19 DAYS REMAIN...

Merv: "Is this map actually guiding us anywhere? I feel like we've been walking for a week."

Clapboard: "It's because we HAVE been walking for a week."

Merv: "And can't these Autobots turn inta cars? It woulda been a lot faster if we were able to drive here. Why couldn't we have traveled by map, anyway?"

Dennis: "Because The Muppets was just a movie. As good as it was, I don't think we should've stopped along our way to see it. Anyway if I remember right, we need to find a giant question mark."

Prowl: "That's a vague landmark. Where are we going to find one of those?"

Dennis: "Hmm...this sure looks like the place."

Optimus: "We can't be too careful!"

Optimus: "Perceptor, what does the map read?"

Perceptor: "According to this, this statue in the form of an Earth question mark is where the first key is located, but I don't see anything else besides the word wisdom..."

POOF!

Cube: "Greeting, travelers!"

Optimus: "Dear Primus, kill it! Kill it with guns!"

Prowl: "Calm down, Prime! Let's just see what it wants!"

Arcee: "Looks like talking sand art if you ask me."

Cube: "I'm not just sand art, milady. I am also The Cube of Wisdom™. I was placed here eons ago to guard the Key of Wisdom, one of the Four Keys of MacGuffin."

Dennis: "So...you're wise?"

Cube: "Yuh-huh."

Dennis: "So what do you do, exactly?"

Cube: "I'm getting to that; I got a whole spiel to say, you know. A-hem. IF THE KEY IS WHAT YOU SEEK, THEN YOU MUST ANSWER ME THESE QUESTIONS THREE."

Merv: "Oh great, one of these trivia things."

Clapboard: "Hey cube guy, you got any rules to this?"

Cube: "Getting to that. Jeez. You're more impolite than the last group, and they wanted to shoot me."

Dennis: "Umm...last group?"

Arcee: "What would've happened if they shot you?"

Cube: "To be honest, nothing would've happened. My body's like a diamond filled with stardust. I just told those guys that by killing me, they would've destroyed the only person in the universe who knew the location of the Key of Wisdom. They easily bought it, though. I couldn't believe it."

Prowl: "What did this other group look like?"

Cube: "You know, kinda like you guys. Big, robots, really nasty fellas."

Optimus: "Decepticons! Those asses beat us here with their map!"

Optimus: "What did you do with them, anyway?"

Cube: "Frankly, I didn't like the look of them, so I asked them a couple of BS questions and gave them a fake key. I had it enchanted so their map would pick up a location for another key. Except all that key would do is open up a hotel room somewhere in Atlantic City."

Prowl: "That's a relief. We can't thank you enough for that."

Cube: "You're welcome, I guess. I was just happy to have someone to talk to for a while."

Dennis: "So what happens now?"

Cube: "Before I was interrupted, I was getting to the rest of the speech. I had this whole ritual memorized hundreds of years ago, and it pisses me off whenever I get thrown off."

Cube: "Now then, the rules are as follows: I ask you the Three Most Important Questions of The Universe. Answer all of them correctly and you get the key. One person must answer all three questions, but they can consult the group before answering. Get one question wrong and pay a steep price, maybe death. Sounds good? Good."

Cube: "Any volunteers?"

Merv: "I ain't answerin' no questions. That's why I left middle school."

Clapboard: "I'd rather just skip to the death part."

Dennis: "And I'm not the test-taking type."

Prowl: "Uhh..."

Arcee: "Hmm..."

Perceptor: "Doot doot doot doot..."

Optimus: FINE! If no wants to do it, I'll just choose! And no bitching if you're it!"

Optimus: "Umm...you!"

Dennis: "M -- Me, Optimus?"

Optimus: "You can do it, Skidz! We believe in you!"

Dennis: "Umm...Thanks."

Merv: "You got this!"

Prowl: "We're here for ya, buddy."

Dennis: "Looks like it's up to me, then."

Dennis: "Ask away, Wisdom Cube!"

Cube: "Allright, what's your name, challenger?"

Dennis: "My name's Dennis. This isn't so bad, right?"

Cube: "That wasn't one of the questions."

Dennis: "...Oh."

Cube: "QUESTION THE FIRST: What is your favorite color?"

Dennis: "Umm...Green."

Cube: "Correct. QUESTION THE SECOND: How many days are there in an Advent Calendar?"

Dennis: "That's an odd question."

Clapboard: "What's an Advent Calendar?"

Merv: "It's this Christmas thing. Once a day leading up to it, you get a gift from a box on this bigger box. There's stories about demons and James Lipton wanting the gifts for some reason."

Optimus: "Who the hell would read stories about those things?"

Dennis: "You'd be surprised, Optimus."

Dennis: "The answer is twenty-four days. Christmas doesn't count."

Cube: "Correct. QUESTION THE THIRD: Who played Wendy Beamish in the 1985 classic St. Elmo's Fire?"

Prowl: "The hell?"

Arcee: "It's not even the best Brat Pack movie."

Dennis: "Is this seriously one of the Three Most Important Questions of The Universe? Or are you just gonna pawn off a fake key on us, too?"

Cube: "I'm not playin' you guys. You folks seem like a nice bunch."

Perceptor: "Dennis, may I suggest consulting a database for the answer?"

Perceptor: "This computer I just found should be handy."

Dennis: "Oh yeah, this'll work perfectly!"

Dennis: Now to look up IMDB...Brat Pack...Ahh, there it is!"

Dennis: "It was Mare Winningham, but I have no idea what it has to do with Wisdom."

Cube: "Either way, you were right. Here you go, one key."

Cube: "This here's the genuine Key of Wisdom. I wish you guys good luck on your journey to not destroy the world."

Dennis: "Awesome."

KEY GET!

Perceptor: "Attention everyone: The map is indeed showing the path to the next key. I suggest we roll out at once."

Optimus: "Agreed. Cube Guy, thanks for everything, but we need to get the hell outta here."

Cube: "No prob, guys."

Dennis: "...I just hope Kirby and Seaspray are doing okay."

Merv: "They'll be fine. I've played some of Kirby's games before, he'll kick some ass and get ta Santa in no time."

Clapboard: "Even though I haven't known you guys for a while, I understand that you're worried about your friends."

Dennis: I know...

MEANWHILE...

Kirby: "Man, this trek to the North Pole was more dangerous than I thought. Who knew it would be so...cold?"

Seaspray: "I'm just happy that we get to do something. Any case, we should reach the North Pole in a few days. After that, well, then we gotta do our best to protect Santa from that prophesy thing if it ever happens."

Kirby: "It looks like we've got time for a detour, Seaspray. I know someone who can help us."

TO BE CONTINUED!

Follow Me on Twitter!
"Like" Beaming For Bunnies on Facebook!
"Like" my Simpsons Quote of The Day Facebook Page!

The Christmas Prophesy: The Key of Wisdom

2011-12-03T22:24:00.000-05:00

The Story So Far... (read these first!)
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

21 DAYS REMAIN...

Thundercracker: Hey, I see something right over there!

Megatron: "Well what do you know, you ARE useful for something, Thundercracker! This is precisely the monument that's on the map!"

Starscream: "Well...what happens now?!"

Megatron: "This blasted Map doesn't say anything! Only the word 'wisdom.' Pfft, nothing more than pathetic Earth words."

POOF!

Cube: "Greetings, travelers!"

AAAAAHHHH!!

Thundercracker: "What the hell is that thing?! Kill it! Kill it with guns!"

Megatron: "Calm down, you idiot! It might be a trap by the Autobots!"

Starscream: "I doubt the puny Autobots could construct a cube such as this. I mean, it's hideous enough for them, but this can't be an Autobot contraption."

Soundwave: "Megatron, sensors indicate this cube holds magical properties and contains high intelligence."

Cube: "Your blue boxman is correct, for I am The Cube of Wisdom™. I was placed here eons ago to guard the Key of Wisdom, one of the Four Keys of MacGuffin. "

Thundercracker: "You sure this isn't a trap, right?"

Cube: "Yep. Lucky for you guys, you're the first group to try to find me in quite some time. Now for my other spiel."

"IF THE KEY IS WHAT YOU SEEK, THEN YOU MUST ANSWER ME THESE QUESTIONS THREE."

Megatron: "Excellent. Now, we have no time for shenanigans, so hand over the key or my Decepticons will have no choice but to blast you to dust!"

Cube: "And destroy the only being in the universe who knows the location of The Key of Wisdom? Doesn't sound very wise, if you ask me. You can't find the other keys without this one, you know."

Megatron: "Ugh, very well, we'll play your silly game. I don't need to take this from sand art. State your conditions."

Cube: "The rules are as follows: I ask you the Three Most Important Questions of The Universe. Answer all of them correctly and you get the key. Simple as that, gang. If you get even one question wrong, I'll probably...kill...one of you. The red plane guy."

Starscream: "WHAT?!"

Megatron: "We accept your challenge!"

Starscream: "You -- You can't! How can you accept this maniac's proposition?!"

Megatron: "It's the only chance we have at the key. Stop whining, it's a win/win situation for us."

Thundercracker: "So, uh, does one guy answer, someone different answer one at a time, how does this go?"

Cube: "One person must answer all three questions, but they can consult the rest of the group before answering."

Megatron: Excellent, now who will be the lucky volunteer?"

Starscream: "Never fear Lord Megatron, I shall win the key for the Decepticons!"

Megatron: "Just don't screw this up for us. But remember: win/win."

Starscream: "Ask away, oh mighty cube who will totally not kill me if I fail! Which I won't!"

Cube: "Then let's proceed. QUESTION THE FIRST: What is your name?"

Starscream: "Starscream, loyal soldier of the Decepticons!"

Thundercracker: "Pfft, loyal."

Starscream: "SILENCE!"

Cube: "Correct. QUESTION THE SECOND: What is your quest?"

Starscream: "To find the Keys of MacGuffin! Honestly, your questions are too simple for the mighty Starscream!"

Cube: "Correct. QUESTION THE THIRD: What is the wing-speed velocity of an air-laden swallow?"

Thundercracker: "A what?! Soundwave, you can figure this out, can't you?"

Soundwave: "Indeed. Starscream, my calculations indicate..."

Starscream: "I dont need your help, Soundwave! I've got this one!"

Starscream: "I've seen this movie before! Ahem...African or European?"

Cube: "European."

"..."

"..."

"CRAP!"

Megatron: "I knew you'd screw this up. Whatever, win/win."

Cube: "Hold on, hold on, I'll level with you: You ARE the first person to throw me on the third question. Just to be a nice guy, you can have this."

Cube: "Here you go, one Key of Wisdom. Don't drop it, it's..uhh...enchanted. So be careful with it."

Starscream: "Well, that's more like it! We'll be sure to get the other keys to defeat the Autobots in no time!"

KEY GET!

Soundwave: "Megatron, my sensors indicate that the map is showing the directions to the next key."

Megatron: "So it is! Excellent! Decepticons, we've got what we came for! Let's go!"

Cube: "So long, nice talking to you!"

Cube: "...Suckers."

TO BE CONTINUED!

Follow Me on Twitter!
"Like" Beaming For Bunnies on Facebook!
"Like" my Simpsons Quote of The Day Facebook Page!

Doctor Whosday: Last Doctor Whosday of 2011!

2011-11-29T20:05:00.001-05:00

Yes, you heard it here folks, this is most likely the last edition of Doctor Whosday of 2011. December is just two days away, and that means Christmas Christmas Christmas. I'll be busy with what's left of the ongoing Dennis story "The Christmas Prophesy" (if any of you can think of a better name, do not hesitate to let me know) to make time for the good Doctor. Also of note is that tomorrow I start a seasonal job! It'll just be for December and it gives my weekends off so I don't know how MUCH time I'll be away from here.

But fear not, readers; I DO have plans for Tuesday entries! If you guys remember my Better Know A Christmas entries from the past two years (where I talk about Christmas traditions from around the world), I'll be restarting that in Doctor Whosday's place for next month. If anyone has any ideas for that series, feel free to let me know!

Maybe I'll post a review of this year's Doctor Who Christmas Special (airing 9pm Christmas Day on BBCAmerica), but until then here's a workout video:

Follow Me on Twitter!
"Like" Beaming For Bunnies on Facebook!
"Like" my Simpsons Quote of The Day Facebook Page!

The Christmas Prophesy: The Map

2011-11-26T22:31:00.000-05:00

The Story So Far... (read these first!)
Part 1
Part 2

ONE MONTH REMAINS...

Shyguy: "Gentlemen. The name's Shyguy. I couldn't help but eavesdrop on your conversation earlier. That's a scary prophesy, and it just so happens that I came across this map detailing the whereabouts of the Keys of MacGuffin."

Dennis: "So you really do have a map?"

Shyguy: "Sure do, lemme just pick it outta my pocket."

Shyguy: "This should be the one. I'm not sure how it works, it only points the way to one of the keys. If you're like me and know your video games, the directions to the next key should appear on it once you get the first one."

Merv: "You might be onta somethin' here."

Dennis: "But what's the catch, Shyguy? There's usually a catch when someone gives us something for free."

Shyguy: "Oh, no catch. I just wanted to be helpful."

Kirby: "Where'd you get this from, anyway?"

Shyguy: "That's not important right now. What matters is that it's now in your hand."

Arcee: "Sir, is it safe to trust this guy?"

Optimus: "He's a strange little man that we've never seen before wearing a mask that knows all about this prophesy we found out about two weeks ago. Of course we can!"

Prowl: "I dunno, Prime, he's a little red guy, the prophesy might be onto something with all that doom it foretold us about."

Optimus: "Nonsense, we have nothing to worry about! Isn't that right, Shyguy?"

Shyguy: "Totally legit."

Optimus: See, I told you!

Optimus: "Perceptor, analyze this map and whatever else you can."

Perceptor: "On it, sir!"

Optimus: "We can't thank you enough, Shyguy. How'd you like to join the team? There's five Autobots, and five of you little Earth creatures! Everyone gets a partner!"

Shyguy: "I thank you for the offer, Optimus Prime, but I really must be going. Gotta start setting up for Christmas and all that. It's only a month away!"

Shyguy: "Oh by the way...I hear the Decepticons know about this prophesy too, and have a map just like this one. But you didn't hear this from me."

TINGLE KOOLOO IMPAH!

POOF!

Optimus: "Neat."

LATER...

Seaspray: "...How'd that guy know who Optimus was?"

Kirby: "And how did he know the Decepticons have a map, too?"

Optimus: "Vector Sigma, it must've been that bastard Laserbeak!"

Dennis: "L-Laserbeak?"

Prowl: "Laserbeak's this awful bird thing that Megatron uses to spy on us. It's a master of disguise and it lets the Decepticons know just what we're up to. It likes to spy on Arcee, but I don't blame it."

Arcee: "Hey!"

Prowl: "I'm just saying..."

Dennis: "I don't like this one bit, gang."

Merv: "I just want Christmas saved."

Clapboard: "The goomba's right guys, we need to get our act in gear if we want to save Christmas and help rid the world of myself!"

Perceptor: "That 'man in red' point of the prophesy could mean anything: Optimus, myself, even that person the Earthlings call Santa Claus. From what I've heard, he wears a lot of red and drinks soda when he delivers toys to all the children on Christmas Eve."

Merv: "And he drives an electric razor, don't forget that."

Optimus: "If doom should happen to this...Santa Claus, I wouldn't be able to live with myself, Autobots. We need to send a team immediately to find and protect him."

Optimus: "Where does Santa Claus live, anyway?"

Kirby: "The North Pole, but that's about a thousand miles from here, not to mention covered in ice."

Optimus: "Then it's settled. Kirby, take Seaspray to find Santa Claus and inform him of the danger he might be in. The rest of us will look for the keys."

Kirby: "So...you want us to drive to the North Pole? To find someone who we're not sure even exists? And come back within a month?"

Optimus: "You got it!"

Seaspray: "Great, send the guy who can't transform to go on the dangerous mission with the puffball."

Kirby: "Hey, at least you have me and your water abilities. We'll actually be useful for once."

Seaspray: "I guess you're right. You can count on us, Optimus!"

Optimus: "Then it's settled. We must roll out and search for the first key immediately or else the Macy's Parade will be ruined for us all!"

Dennis: "Christmas, Optimus."

Optimus: "I know what I said, Grapple."

Optimus: "AUTOBOTS, ROLL OUT!"

MEANWHILE...

Starscream: "I hope that accursed map of yours hasn't gotten us lost, Lord Megatron!"

Megatron: "Patience, Starscream. According to this map, the first key should be near a strange-looking monument that's within a few yards of here."

Megatron: "I believe the Earthlings call it...a question mark."

Starscream: "Balderdash!"

TO BE CONTINUED!

Follow Me on Twitter!
"Like" Beaming For Bunnies on Facebook!
"Like" my Simpsons Quote of The Day Facebook Page!

Doctor Whosday: Xmas 2011

2011-11-22T21:04:00.001-05:00

It's that time of year again: Christmas! Well not yet, but with all the ads running around, you'd think it was.

And with that comes the announcement of this year's Doctor Who Christmas Special. It's titled "The Doctor, The Widow, and The Wardrobe," and it looks damn good.

I can't wait!

Follow Me on Twitter!
"Like" Beaming For Bunnies on Facebook!
"Like" my Simpsons Quote of The Day Facebook Page!

The Christmas Prophesy: Meet The Team!

2011-11-19T22:56:00.000-05:00

To catch up on Part 1, click here!

Laserbeak: "...and that's what I heard, Lord Megatron."

Megatron: "Excellent, excellent. The Keys of MacGuffin are very powerful indeed, and if this prophesy is true, I can use them to destroy this puny rock AND those accursed Autobots!"

Soundwave: "According to the prophesy, 'Doom will come the Man in Red.' Query indicates this being is Optimus Prime."

Megatron: "All the more reason to grab those keys. With them in our hand, Optimus' doom is all but assured. 'Hero so wise' indeed."

Starscream: "Seriously, Optimus this and Optimus that. He's all you seem to care about these days. Not unlike me, Lord Megatron, sir. You'll never get any satisfaction from him as you would from someone like I!"

Megatron: "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear any of that."

Thundercraker: "Well, uhh, do we even know what these keys look like? A-and what about Starscream? You know that traitor is gonna try anything in his power to take credit for everything and take your seat on the Decepticon throne."

Starscream: "You know I'm standing right next to you, you blathering pile of circuits! I don't care HOW attractive his seat is, you know damn well I'd never do anything to it without his consent!"

Megatron: "For the good of my sanity, I'll pretend I didn't hear that, either. And so what if we don't know what they'll look like? We've been on enough of these World Domination plots to know that things will show themselves to us if they don't want to die."

Megatron: "It just so happens that a few days ago, I took this map to their whereabouts from some Earthling that needed some good old Decepticon persuasion before he parted with it. They will be ours in no time!"

HAHAHAHAHA!!

MEANWHILE, AT AUTOBOT HQ

"Hmm..."

Optimus: "Any luck deciphering that prophesy, Perceptor?"

Perceptor: "From what I can perceive, nothing so far other than what's written down."

Merv: "Hey, Optimus, how about you guys let us in on how this here prophesy's a goin'?

Optimus: "Holy fuck, was that today?! Umm, well, yes, well, WELCOME! Clapboard, Kirby, Windcharger, the rest! I want you to meet the Autobot team!"

Optimus: "This is Perceptor, our research expert and part-time medic."

Perceptor: "Salutations, Earthlings! I'm doing the best I can with this prophesy, it's a heck of a fascinating puzzle. Speaking of which, you creatures are quite fascinating as well, you know. I would be delighted to dissect one of you for my research!"

Clapboard: "I'd like to volunteer, please..."

Optimus: "This big guy right here is Seaspray, our Aquatics Guy. If there's a mission that's under, over, or on water, he's the one for the job!"

Seaspray: "That's about all, really. I mostly play cards with Aquaman and Shipwreck. I'd transform for you guys, but my transformation mechanism's on the fritz at the moment."

Merv: "That's awfully inconvenient."

Optimus: "This here's Arcee. She's a speedster, and one hell of a sexy fighter!"

Arcee: "Don't touch me."

Optimus: "And you guys remember Prowl. He's our guy who upholds all that is righteous in the world. Also, he has guns mounted on his shoulders."

Prowl: "10-4, Good to see ya guys again! Prime, we need to do all we can to dispense some justice onto those despicable Decepticons."

Optimus: "You know damn well we do, good buddy. This mission's gonna be tough ever since I got stuck with the shittiest Autobot team in existence."

Optimus: "Well, let's face it. Besides me, who do we got?"

Optimus: "A microscope"

Optimus: "A hovercraft"

Optimus: "A girl"

Optimus: "And Prowl. But Prowl's awesome."

Optimus: "Prowl, you may not be Jazz or Ironhide, but dammit, you're the best Autobot anyone could ask for!"

Prowl: "Uh, thanks Prime. I guess."

Dennis: "You have us too, Optimus."

Optimus: "Well, you're right. We still got...whatever you guys are. What the hell are you guys, anyway?"

Merv: "Name's Merv. I like ta sell things. And I'm pretty sure I'm able ta fly, since I got these wings and all that."

Kirby: "I'm Kirby. I used to protect Dreamland from people who people who wanted to eat food, but now I'm an amateur voice actor on account of these headphones and all."

Clapboard: "You named me Clapboard, remember? I don't know why I'm here, all I know is that I'm some sort of hideous Mickey Mouse abominaton. I'm also the only one of out the group with working arms."

Clapboard: "Speaking of which, can I borrow your gun?"

Perceptor: "I would gladly hand it over, but this is just a giant microscope lens that's attached to my shoulder."

Dennis: "And despite what Optimus keeps saying, my name's Dennis. I wish we didn't have to do any of this. I mean, where on Earth are we going to find the Keys of MacGuffin, anyway?"

???: "Did someone say the Keys of MacGuffin?"

???: "Over here!"

Shyguy: "Boys, today's yer lucky day!"

Shyguy: "It just so happens that I have a map."

TO BE CONTINUED!

Follow Me on Twitter!
"Like" Beaming For Bunnies on Facebook!
"Like" my Simpsons Quote of The Day Facebook Page!

Doctor Whosday: Daleks vs.

2011-11-15T20:36:00.001-05:00

For this week's Doctor Whosday, here's a few funny Dalek videos I found!

Daleks vs. Buzz Lightyear

Daleks vs. Cats

Daleks vs. The Police

Daleks vs. Little Kids

Daleks vs. A Classroom

And finally,

Daleks vs. Stairs

Follow Me on Twitter!
"Like" Beaming For Bunnies on Facebook!
"Like" my Simpsons Quote of The Day Facebook Page!