Thursday, July 31, 2008

One Fear, Goodbye

So I was driving home from my frat bro DJ's house a few hours ago, whose house just happens to be near an incredibly dangerous intersection.

With it being nighttime and all, there were thankfully no cars coming from the right, and none to my knowledge coming to my left, so I hastily made the left turn.

It turns out that there was a car coming from the left, and faster than I thought. A split-second close-call saved both of us from panic.

Did I mention that this intersection was right in front of the Suffolk County Police HQ and the oncoming car in question was a cop car?

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. It was one of my greatest fears: Getting pulled over by a cop, even more so for something incredibly lame.

Guess what I saw in my rear view mirror? That same cop car making a U-Turn and putting on the lights.


After the usual spiel of literally "WTF were you thinking, son?" looking at my license and the usual questions of I had consumed alcohol (no) or smoked anything (hell no) before getting behind the wheel, he asked me what was in the Target bag in the passenger seat.

Of course, I showed him the contents:

Although, to be honest, it was at the bottom of the bag. This is what the Officer saw at the top of the pile:

After looking at that, good chance he would've believed my true story of spending the previous 5 hours playing a combination of Smash Bros. Brawl and Dynasty Warriors 5. Not to mention spending the time before that watching the above DVD along with "Bender's Big Score."

Thankfully, he gave me the "stay outta trouble," spiel and drove off into the night. Phew.

I must admit, I have never smoked pot in my lifetime. I have pothead tendencies though.

I always have a glazed look in my eyes, I zone out for prolonged periods of time, I giggle for no reason, I don't have much awareness with the world around me, especially if I went the whole day without ingesting caffeine. I also think Phish is great, the color Sky Blue is awesome, Aqua Teen Hunger Force is hilarious, and a usual response from me for any question is "Dave's not here, man," when in reality I am Dave. I mean Galileo.

Either way, he's not here.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Beaming For Bucky

As you all should be aware of by now, I won.

That's right losers, I know more about television characters than you do, and because of my vast knowledge Galileo has bestowed the great honor of writing a post here on Beaming For Bunnies to me.

At first I didn't really know what to write about, this being someone else's blog and effectively someone else's thoughts, I have to admit, I was mildly nervous. But then I remembered that I WON, so I get to choose the topic.

So since this is Beaming For Bunnies, I've decided to share with you some of my thoughts on a bunny who has been sadly and unjustly forgotten as of late.

Bucky O' Hare.

Who's Bucky O' Hare you ask?

Well I'll tell you, he was a 5 foot tall anthropomorphic rabbit, captain of the Righteous Indignation, And known Toad hater.

Bucky O'Hare along with Jenny, Deadeye Duck, Blinky and Willy DuWitt are members of S.P.A.C.E, which is an abbreviation for Sentient Protoplasm Against Colonial Encroachment.

And from what I remember of the Cartoon, The Bad Guys were The Toad Empire, Led by the infernal KOMPLEX, A giant computer or something I believe.

Bucky O'Hare had his modest beginnings in a comic book, and like most comic books in the late eighties/early nineties, spawned an animated show, toyline (which was beautiful), Several video games, and there was even consideration for a live action movie at one point in 1994.

One of my favourite action figures of all time came from this toyline, Deadeye Duck, A Duck with 4 arms, 4 guns, an eyepatch and a bad attitude.

No matter where I was going when I was a lad, Deadeye Duck would accompany me, be it church, school, dinner or dancing, Anything would be fun when I had a 4 armed duck to share my thoughts with.

So in summation, Bucky O'Hare was a wonderful little series/toyline that isn't getting it's due these days, Yes it's true, it was essentially T.M.N.T in space, but it holds a great place in my memory.And if you need more convincing to check it out, The guy who voiced Deadeye Duck also voiced Rattrap, Need I say more??

I'd like to sincerely thank Galileo for allowing me the chance to write something for Beaming For Bunnies, I hope I didn't let him down. And I'd like to thank you all for reading, even if you are losers, I WON!!

Obviously, this entry was written by the winner of my little game, JoshC. He happens to be wonderfully Canadian, so that's why you saw "favourite." Not that there's anything wrong with that. I happen to like syrup, just without adding "ou" to it. That, and we don't ride Mounties and say "God save the Queen" even though we're no longer affiliated with Britain. So there.

My take on this topic...I hardly even knew of this show. I might have had the Bucky figure now that I think of it. But I'd tune out at that theme, which followed the 80s-90s theme of compressing the entire story into a single minute.

I might do another little game in the near future, so you might get a new chance to earn this VERY special prize. Remember to email me at

Sunday, July 27, 2008


Yes, as promised, The Game is over. Yes, the answers shall be revealed. Of course, a winner has been confirmed as well.

First, the answers:

1) "D'oh!"
Homer Simpson. Pretty obvious & easy.

2) "Zoinks!"
Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. Also easy.

3) "Yabba Dabba Doo!"
Fred Flintstone. Or, if you didn't get this one...Leave now.

4) "Wokka Wokka Wokka!"
Fozzie Bear! I still don't know which episode of the Muppet Show where he first says it. It's certainly not in the first 3 seasons.

5) "Excellent..."
Mr. Burns, from the Simpsons. If it had ended with a "!" it would've been Bill & Ted. But it didn't, and it wasn't.

6) "Transform and roll out!"
Optimus Prime, from Transformers.

7) "For me to poop on!"
Triumph The Insult Comic Dog. He got his start on Late Night with Conan O'Brien.
8) "Get R Done!"
Larry The Cable Guy.

9) "Schwing!"
Wayne Cambell & Garth Alger from Wayne's World. Shyeah.

10) "I didn't do it."
Oh my, another Simpsons catchphrase! This time it's Bart Simpson's. A lesser-known one that was his "signature line" that got him into 15 minutes of fame in the 5th season episode "Bart Gets Famous."

11) "Next Time, Gadget...Next time..."
Dr. Claw, his line at the end of every episode of Inspector Gadget.

12) "That's what she said."
Micheal Scott from The Office, played by Steve Carrell.

13) "Bite my shiny metal ass!"
Bender from Futurama.

14) "Spoon!"
The Tick. Damn, I loved that cartoon.

15) "It stinks!"
Here's where it started getting tough. This line belongs to Jay Sherman, the star of The Critic.

16) "Neeeeeoooow!"
These last 5 had stumped the 3 people who actually entered, and probably psyched out the rest of you.

This vid should give you the answer:

It's from Jeff Dunham's famous puppet Peanut. It's defined as the sound that's made when a joke flies over someone's head.

17) "Adventure!"
Flapjack, from recent CN show The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack. A newer entry to the Catchphrase lexicon, it's one of the most often quoted words spoken by the title character.

18) "Ooba-Dooba!"
Geroge Jetson. Yes, George had a catchphrase other than "Jane, stop this crazy thing!" It's much more obscure, and was only uttered in the original run in the 60s. It was sort of the "Jinkies" of his time, in the far off year of 2002.

19) "Here's the thing..."
Adrian Monk, from Monk. I didn't know that this was his catchphrase either until someone pointed it out to him in the episode "Mr. Monk Goes To The Office." For all you Monk fans...listen to how he starts any sentence when his OCD prevents him from doing something, or giving an explanation for something.

20) "...Brings To The Party."
Alton Brown. Yes, it's pretty subtle, but watch Good Eats sometime and notice how often he mentions what some flavor "Brings to the party," with "the party" meaning the particular dish he's making.

And there's your answers. How many of them did you have the thought "Dang! It's so obvious now?"

And the winner, with a score of 15/20 correct is none other than JoshC! Your prize?

Hmm...How bout that you are given the chance to post your own blog entry to Beaming For Bunnies!

It's a stretch, but It's still a prize, damnit. Pop me an email at Josh with the entry so I can post it up here. Anything goes, really. I don't care.

For the rest of you...Try harder next time & watch some more TV. :) You'll get your chance in the future.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Let's Play a Game...

It comes to my attention that my inbox at is currently empty. As in, it's never received a non-spam email.

So, as a little test to see if it actually works, how about we play a little game?

Yes. What I am going to do is give you a list of 20 Catch-Phrases.

What I want you all to do is send me an email at with the answers of which catchphrase goes to which character, and where that character is from, if applicable.

Oh, it starts easy, but trust me...they'll get harder.

Here is the list:

1) "D'oh!"

2) "Zoinks!"

3) "Yabba Dabba Doo!"

4) "Wokka Wokka Wokka!"

5) "Excellent..."

6) "Transform and roll out!"

7) "For me to poop on!"

8) "Get R Done!"

9) "Schwing!"

10) "I didn't do it."

11) "Next Time, Gadget...Next time..."

12) "That's what she said."

13) "Bite my shiny metal ass!"

14) "Spoon!"

15) "It stinks!"

16) "Neeeeeoooow!"

17) "Adventure!"

18) "Ooba-Dooba!"

19) "Here's the thing..."

20) "...Brings To The Party."

If you watch TV as obsessively as I do, this should be a cakewalk.

So submit your answers to from now until...say...11:59pm on Saturday 7/26. After that, I'll name a winner who has the most correct, or if they're the only entry. Whichever one comes first.

The winner will get...ah, who knows, something special.

Oh, and DON'T CHEAT! NO CHEATING IS PERMITTED!! I'll know if you did...

Damn you, foul temptress!

I'm sure most of us have seen this ad lately:

They know just how to get me.

If you ever wanted a clear definition of when "The Crave" sets in, The Castle itself just gave us a great answer. This is what happens in my mind. Except it's a newer phone.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Soundtracks For Summer: Hotel California

Part 7 in my "Soundtracks For Summer" Series.

Today, Lucky Entry # 7 will be focusing on this Eagles Classic:

Not a week goes by where I don't listen to this song. Not that this is by choice. For my fellow Long Island readers, I'm a listener of WBAB. For those of you who don't live near me, WBAB happens to be Long Island's obligatory "50 Minutes of Classic Rock" station that only has 35 songs in its entire roster.

I'm may be exaggerating. It's probably closer to 30. And which song gets the most play? Why, the 1976 Eagles hit "Hotel California!" I've since theorized why they play it so much: First, well, it's a good song. Another possibility is because it's a 6 minute song, they play it whenever the resident DJ needs to do some "Spring Cleaning" if you know what I mean. Come to think of it, the song usually appears in a marathon with "Bohemian Rhapsody," "Paradise By The Dashboard Light," and/or "Stairway To Heaven." A third theory is the aforementioned 35-or-so song rotation. They have to break up the monotony somehow, we can't listen to Crazy Fucking Freddy for the 10 minutes of ads that they always seem to play whenever I turn to the station.

Due to the fact that the only time I listen to the station is when I'm driving, I've associated "Hotel California" with travelling. The song usually plays during whenever I'm driving home from a buddy's house or some party, and I just want to relax while driving but without getting into an accident. This song usually does the trick.

To fit this all in with the Summer theme, I've had some good memories with this song. I'm reminded of all of those wasted vacation days that I spent lounging around my hotel room. But usually they're worth it, since it usually rains on these sort of days. Most of all, I'm reminded of my trip to Busch Gardens in Virginia back in August of 2004. I was staying in the Days Inn at Williamsburg, when during the first full day of my stay Tropical Storm Gaston decided to pay a visit. My dad and I were lounging on the chairs on the porch of the hotel, watching the rain tremble down and the wind swaying all of the trees. All of the branches and junk were falling off the trees and landing in the nearby pool that was previously inhabited by some crazed tourists who had decided to take a dip during a Tropical Storm attack. My dad and I managed to stay perfectly dry the entire time.

I don't remember if the Days Inn had speakers on the outside porch, but during that whole afternoon, I could only think of "Hotel California." It's a perfect serene song for a vacation. Laying on a rocking chair, watching a rainstorm from your porch while slowly kicking back a drink. In my case, it was probably a nice, cold Pepsi.

No Summertime memory would be complete without my admission of making out to this song. Oh yes. Sigh...Good times. "Such a lovely place, such a lovely face."

I should seriously stop sighing in my posts. I'm starting to act like Dennis.

This following message goes out to any readers from WBAB who somehow stumble upon this entry: Would it kill you people to play "Tom Sawyer" more than once a fucking month?!

I am also taking reader submissions for future "Soundtracks For Summer" entries. If you've got an idea, pop me an email at with the name of the song, and a reason or two why it defines "Summer" for you. You'll be glad you did.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Obligatory Dark Knight Post!

Just got back from seeing Dark Knight and what I have to say is this:

It was fucking excellent. Like Iron Man, they finally did Batman right. Batman Begins was great, and this one was awesome as well, perhaps even better.

We got to basically see the transition from Villains to Supervillains in Gotham.

I thought everyone was spectacular. Two reasons why the reviews are so good:

1) Heath Ledger Dying
2) It's fucking awesome.

And despite the praising the dead morality that's been had in the media, he certainly earned it. He made The Joker his own. He is most definitely one of greatest of Jokers, right up there with Mark Hamill's. And believe me, Heath had some mighty big shoes to fill, and fill he did.

So, Go see it now if you haven't already! And if you have...See it again!

Also, damn, I had a good idea to have the foresight to get my tickets in advance. Every single show was sold out as soon as I got to the theater. That would've sucked. Although my friend & I were forced to go see the next showing next door (which was at 7:01 in place of 7pm) because there weren't enough free spots. Damn people wouldn't give up 2 free places to two people who didn't show up and my friend was too stubborn to move. Luckily, rather than him getting into a fistfight, we were directed to next door, which coincidentally had another Dark Knight showing starting at the same time. We lucked out with the only 2-spaced seating left.


And the other part of the Heath Hype is the lack of how great Aaron Eckhart's performance was. He was amazing as Harvey Dent, as well as his transformation of sorts into Two-Face. Now I knew that we were going to get Two-Face, my question was when. I fully expected him to get the scarrage at the end of the movie that sets up #3.

Boy was I wrong. Bastard shows up completely spooky a bit more than 90 minutes in. Talk about another villain this movie series has redeemed. So, due to the Joker Hype, you get very little of the Two-Face action. And his piece is where the real spoilage is.

So, if you were completely dumb enough to ignore that warning, I'll only offer this: Like "Begins," one villain lives, and one villain dies. You see Scarecrow come and go in the first 5 minutes of the movie.

Also, it's great that Katie Holmes didn't come back. That whole "girl gets blowed up" plot point would've been laughable and cries of "that's for Cruise!" would've ruined the momentum for the rest of the movie. That, and her character wasn't in the comics. It was a "bringing back the balance to the force" kind of moment.

So that's my now-spoiled review of Dark Knight. Go see it, I rate it "Awesome."

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Something Needs To Be Said

I've been thinking about this for quite some time, and it's a wonder that no one else has thought of it.

Here's a link from TMZ of famous people who look like Muppets. I, for one, think they left off one very obvious one.

I personally believe that Brian Williams of NBC Nightly News

Looks like Johnny Fiama from Muppets Tonight.

Freaky, right? TELL THE MASSES!!

A.L. Wins! Finally!

The Current time is 1:38am and the last All-Star Baseball Game in Yankee Stadium is done. Finally.

Four hours and 50 minutes, 15 innings, a few million tired fans. And that's just Yankee stadium.

Since I am a fan of the "Evil Empire," I was rooting for the American League team for the win. And it finally payed off during the only game I watched this year. I thought the game was going to be over by the time I got home from work at 10, but boy was I ever so wrong.

The game was actually...exciting. Hell, I missed most of the Colbert Report for this (but only the interview parts). I wish I was at my friend's house watching this, but I was tired from work, and he didn't get back to me as to where he lived. Also, the aformentioned assumption that the good stuff would be over by the time I got there.

Almost a 5-hour game with 15 innings, I decided to research on what was actually the longest All-Star Game.

As it turns out, the one we just watched was the longest at 4:50. The 1967 game was the only other All-Star Game to last 15 innings, but it probably didn't last as long. Damn. Then again, if games didn't last at least 13 innings back then, the fans demanded their money back with great fervor. Check the MLB website some time, it's got some good stuff.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Dennis & The iPhone Train Blues

"Sigh," heaved Dennis in his usual guttural tone. Now this "sigh" wasn't the "sigh" that he normally uttered to himself.

It wasn't an "I'm so awfully lonely" sigh, nor was it a "I would really like some pudding right now" sigh. No, this sigh was for a different reason. Dennis had sighed due to his new depressing obsession. It wasn't pudding, but it came close.

Dennis had always wanted an iPhone. Yes, that new strain of infectious nerdly instruments that seems to be sweeping the nation outside of Dennis's computer desk. It was a marvel that performed any function that anyone would want: E-mail, playing music, recording podcasts, text messaging, shave your fake mustache, walk your dog, Youtube video player, tazer, check the weather, book flights and hotels, summon Bill Cosby, uploading & sending pictures, meat grinder, camera, video camera, heart monitor, hot sauce dispenser, condom, and maybe, just maybe, you could call people with it.

Such functionality reminded Dennis of the "Thneed" from that story "The Lorax." It was a garish piece of fabric that turned itself into any article of clothing while simultaneously destroying the environment. According to its pitchman who held himself in some kind of tower, a Thneed was "something that everyone, everyone needs." Dennis couldn't agree more. If Dennis had one of these iPhones, the Internet, and the world itself, would be at the grasp of his nonexistent fingers.

Now that this device was available in a cheaper and faster form, Dennis had decided right then and there that today would be the perfect opportunity to finally cave in and purchase one.

Unfortunately, like the garish fabric in the Seussian tale of yore, the iPhone was something that everyone, everyone needed, and Dennis could immediately sense that shame and another guttural sigh was on the horizon.

Since Dennis was already sitting at his computer desk, he decided that he could simply order one online. The Internet was fascinating like that. Dennis was miffed upon discovering the screens that awaited him at the end of his searches:

Alas, Steve Jobs was partially correct. Those first two searches brought up an "iPod Touch," a strikingly similar looking device to the iPhone. It's a tricky subject in which Dennis believes the two i-tools are the same thing.

After some research involving Googling, staring at some stats, reading grumpy user reviews detailing the staring of said stats, and counting the number of dust particles on his "F" key, Dennis found only one minor difference between the two. Both the iPhone and the iPod Touch had the same functions, but the iPhone was the only one of the two that can call people to talk with. This finding further supported Dennis's theory.

This also meant that the only scenario that would end with an iPhone in Dennis's possession would be one where Dennis would finally leave his Computer Desk to go the Apple Store itself to purchase one. This realization began to rattle within Dennis's fragile, depressed mind. Hours seemed to pass, and then pause when his watch battery stopped, and then resume passing until it was the very next week.

"Sigh," groaned Dennis in a fairly upbeat tone as he decided that today would finally be the day when he would finally begin his journey to procure an iPhone. "Perhaps I'll stop for pudding on the way home," he wondered.

To Be Continued.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Soundtracks For Summer: Wipe Out

Part 6 in my "Soundtracks For Summer" Series.

This song doesn't really need an introduction:

This song is simply not only a staple of summer, it's probably the stapler of Summer songs. It just wouldn't be summer without this one.

Originally recorded in 1962 by the Surfaris, it's also the first song in this series to be completely instrumental, save for the creepy laugh at the beginning. As the previous Soundtracks For Summer songs had all been slow-paced and relaxing, we finally feature a song that's much more vibrant and action-packed. It makes me want to go to the beach right now and hit on some hotties, but it's 2 in the afternoon and I should be at work by now.

One of the more famous songs of the "Surf Rock" genre, this ditty always seems to be played over stock footage of people surfing through 30 foot tall pipelines for some ungodly reason. But hey, it was the 60's, and Surfers were cool back then. Now they're just annoying and make crappy pseudo-reality shows that people are forced to watch because the other pseudo-surfing shows are all in reruns. You just magically transport to some beach in Hawaii with a martini served in a tiny Tiki Idol Head in your hand upon the song's initial notes. Hey, it's Hawaii, and you somehow got there from hearing it on Youtube. I say live it up. Just don't bring the Tiki head cup home with you. A spider might crawl on you in your sleep and Vincent Price might be hiding in a cave somewhere. Family of 9 going to Hawaii on a 60's Architect's salary my ass.

One of my favorite parts of the song is that great drum solo. It's vibrant, hard-pounding, and can be imitated anywhere. Whenever you feel the urge, just take some pencils and start banging them on the edge of a table to get the sound just right. Unfortunately, if you do it in a room full of people who aren't stoned at the moment might think something's off and they'll try to take your pencils away. Good thing that they're not sharpened or else impromptu knife games would begin after that.

Since this song's inception, it's been covered by a slew of people, most notably The Fat Boys with The Beach Boys, The Ventures, and, oh yeah, this guy:

Jerry Phillips, more commonly known as "The Manualist." That man can do no wrong whatsoever. Now, if he'll play "Hotel California," then I've got myself another entry.

Speaking of another entry, I'm also taking reader requests for "Soundtracks For Summer" entries. Just pop me an email at with what song(s) you like, and why they define "summer" for you like what I just did.

Friday, July 11, 2008


There's a lot to say about a man named Dennis.

What would a Dennis wish to accomplish in life? To live? To love? To exist? To be come a world-champion Skee-Baller? Perhaps all of the above

Dennis would live in the outskirts of a small little ramshackle town just outside of Farmingdale, NY. He would spend his days contemplating if there ever is life beyond his computer desk, or life at all.

Dennis knew his boss was a cheapskate, a tyrant. A giant evil lizard, if you wish. This Dennis would wish to break away from his monotony and strive to be the best little Dennis he could be.

If only he wasn't so damn short. It befalls him. Sure, he was as tall as his comrades, but he wishes he was taller. An inch here, an inch there in the right places would somehow increase his outlook on life by .05%. This sliver of a percent would be enough. If he was able to peek out of his window, he would know just exactly what season it was. It seems to change daily in his ramshackle little town. Monday, it would be sunny and seventy degrees. Tuesday, the leaves would be falling off the tree. Wednesday, You could see the filthy little children making snow angels. Thursday would be a day where a magic wand simply decided to set the thermostat at "Hell" level. And by Friday, the Mr. Softee truck would whizz by to cool off the ragged little beachgoers.

He enjoys the crossword, hopscotch, reading blogs, the usual. What Dennis would really love is adventure. Yes, adventure, you heard him. He would like to be the star for one, making some sort of journey, fighting evil creatures, saving the day, flagging down the Mr. Softee Man, usual protagonist stuff. Perhaps journey away from his computer desk, just to see what all the hubbub is all about. Dennis always wanted pudding.

The only thing that stops Dennis is his shortness. And his depression. Two things.

All right, three things. It's just that where he lives is dull and uninteresting. His life is simply not as glamorous as his Facebook makes him out to be. Dennis would love to take that first step of a journey of a thousand miles, but he can't find a step to begin with. It's all a vicious cycle that feeds his depression. If only Dennis had pudding.

By the way, this is Dennis:

Thursday, July 10, 2008

The Most Awesome Man in Showbiz

The word "awesome" is thrown around a lot these days, especially to give the hyperbolic term of "Most Awesome Person Ever."

My co-worker Tim and I have had a discussion of what actor holds the position of "The Most Awesome Man in Showbiz."

He says it's Patrick Warburton

I say it's Bruce Campbell.

Note: Both Tim and I believe that they're both awesome, the argument is over which one is more awesome than the other.

As you can see, at face value, they both look really awesome. But how awesome? Let's compare some stats.

Bruce's first notable acting gig was in 1981 as Ash from the original "The Evil Dead" movie directed by Sam Raimi. Since then he's been known as one of the best recent B-Actors in the business. He went on to star in Evil Dead's sequels, Evil Dead II & Army of Darkness, Bubba Ho-Tep (where a still-alive Elvis fights mummies), and the tv shows "The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.," "Jack of All Trades," and most recently, USA's "Burn Notice." I confess, he's a supporting player, but he's an important one. He even wrote his memoirs "If Chins Could Kill," and filmed a self-parody movie entitled "My Name is Bruce." (coming to theaters soon!)

Warburton, on the other hand, is probably most known as David Puddy from Seinfeld. Other well-known Live-action show roles include The Tick in the live-action series (which was nowhere near as good as the cartoon), and starring roles in "Less Than Perfect" and "The Rules of Engagement." It's voice acting from where he has gotten the most exposure. He has an incredibly distinctive voice which can be heard in Family Guy as Joe Swanson, Kronk in The Emperor's New Groove and its sequel TV show, as well as in The Venture Bros. as Brock Sampson. He's also in a slew of other shows and movies, too, but they're not that important in this paragraph.

Tim had this to say about Warburton's awesomeness:

"Because he has this monotone voice and kinda limited acting talent, but it seems to always work for the parts he gets lol. And plus he's everywhere, in the way Bruce Campbell was."

This just happens to be my problem about him, italicised quote. Patrick has such a distinctive voice that he doesn't bother to modify it for any role. It's the exact same "Patrick Warburton: Tough Guy" voice on every character he's ever voiced. Joe, The Tick, Kronk, Mr. Barkin from Kim Possible, Brock, even Buzz Lightyear all sound exactly alike. There's also the fact that he's "everywhere." It's good that he actually is awesome, as it sort of puts him a single step above being a "Hey, It's That Guy!" in entertainment. He actually is everywhere, and with a few exceptions (Joe, Brock Sampson), it's easy to tell that some projects couldn't afford to cast anyone good, or probably be a good movie at all.

A quick IMDB search has these entries for him: Bee Movie, Underdog, Tak & The Power of Juju, Hoodwinked, Hoodwinked 2 (sigh), Happily N'Ever After, Open Season, The Wild, The X's, Chicken Little, Sky High, Home on The Range, Scream 3, and Space Chimps. Yes, Space Chimps. He actually stars in that movie, finally. It opens July 18th, surely it will have no competition whatsoever now that everyone saw Wall-E & Kung-Fu Panda.

Speaking of Wall-E, during the previews they showed a trailer for what I thought was going to be Space Chimps. I was saying "Oh, it's for Space Chimps, it's going to suck but I've seen the trailer for this already." Turns out I was dead wrong. It was a cartoon that looked exactly the same, but change the three monkeys for three flies that seemed to be the ripoff of Space Chimps if they ripped off Alvin & The Chipmunks at the same time. It's title? "Fly Me To The Moon." The sad part? There were people actually laughing at this. I'm scared, people.

Where was I? Oh yes, Warburton and Campbell.

Like I mentioned earlier, Patrick starred in the cartoon adaptation of Buzz Lightyear, which was actually pretty decent. In several cases, if they can't get the original voice, they call Patrick instead of just waiting for the Home Improvement checks to stop arriving and having Tim Allen realize that another "Santa Clause" movie is a bad idea. As for his live-action roles, I'm always reminded that it's Putty, but he moved to another town. "Puddy in a suit!" "Puddy in a lab coat!" "Puddy is engaged!" "Puddy as a monkey!" "Puddy in a Tick Costume!" As much as he made a good Tick, he wasn't Townsend Coleman to say the least. Essentially, if they could not somehow get Bruce, they'd hire Patrick.

Now, Bruce isn't left out of the "takes roles to cash a check" game either. He just seems to pick his battles more wisely. On one side of the coin, he's famous for having cameos in the three Spider-Man movies, mostly as a favor to his partner in crime Sam Raimi. I wonder how many of you will agree that his cameo was the only intentionally humorous moment in "Spider-Man 3." He also portrayed the 4th Aqua Teen, a chicken-shaped chicken nugget named Chicken Bittle in the Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie. Aside from various other projects that he cameoed in so he could add some "Hey, I'm Awesome" to a drab flick, the only terrible ones I could find were Sky High, The Ladykillers remake, Escape From LA, and The Ant Bully. That movie simply failed on so many levels. They were a bit late to cash in on the "A Bug's Life/Antz" craze of 10 years ago. Most of his roles seemed to stay with his B-Actor genre, having reoccurring roles in both the "Xena" and "Hercules" series in the 90s, "Lois & Clark," "The Legends of Tarzan," "Knot's Landing" and "The Man With The Screaming Brain." Needless to say, along with "Brisco County Jr." and "Jack of All Trades," WPIX11 had a fair amount of Campbell goodness.

And if you honestly need to ask why they are awesome, I present you with these videos of the men in action:

First Bruce:

Did I mention that Bruce is single-handedly responsible for making Old Spice cool? At my CVS, Old Spice just happens to be one of the most popular brands of deoderant, and I'm betting that Bruce is the reason why people under 54 have been snatching it up.

"Old Spice: Not Just For Grampa Anymore!"

This clip was mostly chosen because the infamous "Boomstick" scene from Army of Darkness was taken down from youtube for some ungodly reason.

Now Patrick:

A now-classic moment of Warburton as Joe from Family Guy. It's a sad state for youtube as there's no better clip of Patrick Warburton in anything, even the Venture Bros. Hell, this is the first video that shows up in a search for "Family Guy Joe." It was added on June 15th, and I don't know how long it will last. So if you see a black screen, I'll be too lazy to find a better video and edit this text accordingly.

Obviously, what gives these two men much of their essence is their ability to give it their all in any acting environment. Any lesser actors may phone it in, fax it in, or simply spit the script back to the writers' face and recommend their justly execution. Not these guys. The dumbest and quirkiest of roles are performed the same as if attempting to achieve Oscar Gold (rated PG-13), and simply enjoying what they do in life and have fun while everyone else ponders why they have to use a fax machine to indignantly read their lines.

So, who comes out on top? Well, I must admit, I'm going to have to call it a draw. I still think it's Bruce, while Tim says it's Patrick. What I want to know is who do YOU think is The Most Awesome Man in Showbiz out of the two?

(The sad part is whenever I've asked readers for their opinions like for this question, I received no comments. I'm sorry, I'm not Matt. I won't even put on the Matt Mask for you people, so stop fantasizing about it.)

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Not-So-Lazy Tuesday

Well, today is Tuesday, and it fared much better than Monday, that's for sure.

I had to work today, but since yesterday sucked, I actually looked forward to it.

Around 6:30, the power went out in my CVS. Just us, no one else. We suspected an electrical outage of some kind. It was all powered by backup generators, which meant that only some lights, the freezers, and some appliances worked, that's it. We spent a majority of that time telling people that we were closed.

In fact, I'm pretty sure more people showed up in that hour and a half than the hour and a half before everything shut down.

Sure enough, as mysterious as it started, the power came back suddenly at around 8, saddening all of us. We all wanted to go home and enjoy our free drinks courtesy of my awesome manager. Also, since I couldn't buy a bowl of Chef Boyardee Ravioli or use the microwave in the break room, it was dark in there but the microwave oddly worked, I instead went to Wendy's for dinner. I didn't want to, but I had to. Just got a simple 10 Piece Chicken Nugget meal. Oddly, it's the cheapest combo on the Wendy's Menu, but for that same combo for Medium size, it's one of the most expensive ones, costing you around $2 more plus tax.

When I got back, it turns out that one of the managers got his wife to bring a crapload of Wendy's and then offered the extra food to the rest of us, which I promptly ate most of. What was it? Nuggets. Then the power came back on as soon as I finished those off. Damn. Then I had to spend the next 2 hours ungodly full.

And what did I do for the rest of Monday night since writing the last entry? Not much, mostly stayed up to watch the MST3K version of Pumaman, which was hilarious. Donald Pleasance in what was NOT his finest hour, but turned out to be one of MST3K's best. I've linked to Hobgoblins once before, but that had a slightly coherent sequence of events. Pumaman is full of hilarious plot holes large enough to fly the Satellite of Love through.

Disney Channel also aired Monsters, Inc. for the 500th time last night. Fortunately, like Spaceballs, it just happens to be one of those movies where I go "OMG, MONSTERS, INC. IS ON!!" and then I watch the movie and slash the throats of anyone who says otherwise.

Also, this blog now has an official email address: Got any questions, things you've wanted to ask me, suggestions, send em there. Not comments, though. I want those on the main site.

On that subject...I am now taking reader submissions for Soundtracks For Summer entries. Yes, I have several entries on the back burner waiting to be written, but which songs mean summer to you? Send the name of the song, and a brief reason why it should be here.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Lazy Monday

Bleh. I was never a fan of Mondays, and this one is no different.

What I dislike more than Mondays is a Lazy one. I have nothing to do at all. Not even time-consuming chores like getting gas or food. I could always sleep, but I did that already.

This is what I get for being nonsocial, I guess. Perhaps it's because I'm on Long Island, and there's not much to do in my neck of the woods that wouldn't involve hopping over a fence, climbing a single step and/or filling up my gas tank.

I also have a lazy personality. I'd much rather lay & relax instead of doing stuff, but when I actually want to do something, my body just doesn't feel up to it for some reason, telling me to stop.

I need to live in a more interesting town, with interesting weather, with some actual attractions. I could always go in my pool, but it's close to dinnertime.

I wish I lived closer to an amusement park. I seriously wish to get a trip going to HerskeyPark or something.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Galileo is America, and so can you!

Happy 4th of July my fellow Americans, and a happy belated Canada Day to my friends up North.

To celebrate this great day of patriotism, I give you this:

It's one of those nice reminders that despite the death and/or retirement of the main Muppeteers, it's good to know that they still got it.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

What do we want? SOMETHING!

I've always thought that there are too many protesters in the world. Protesting used to be reserved for important things, like earning pay raises, safer work conditions, world peace, ending prejudice, ketchup pumps instead of packets in the cafeteria, etc.

But there have been people who have been protesting about mundane things, or for incredibly stupid causes that I just can't stand. I've never been a fan of the PETA protests where they put on coats with paint on em, or hand out flyers to kids saying fried chicken is death. Although I am a fan of their "naked protests," there's just not enough of them, and many of those people are not that easy on the eyes, so to speak.

Please don't even let me begin on the Westboro Baptist people and others that protest the same thing. They make my blood boil with their ignorance, the end.

Then we have the war protesters. Sure, it's not the fact that they protest is what I'm against (I happen to be anti-war), but the fact that they're so damn annoying. And with Anti-War protesters, we must balance it with Pro-War protesters. I don't get out much, but are those people still around?

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that there's not much that'll make me just stop whatever I'm doing and tell them all to get a life. There are protesters that protest protesters!

If Eugene Mirman can protest himself, then I want to be able to protest Nothing. I mean, literally nothing.

Like these followers are doing. Yes, you see, nothing happens around here and I hate it.

So what does the 21st Century American™ do to solve this problem? Why, complain about it with signs written in angry fonts, of course! I want to protest nothing by demanding Something. Something, Anything at all. If something suddenly happens, then the nothing disappears.

Easy right? So, for all those who are Against Nothing, I urge you all to protest for Something!

Oh, Al...

It's 2:30 am and I shouldn't be hungry at watching Alton Brown cook Flounder.

They do make some Good Eats. He made a casserole with flounder, spinach, cheese, rice...

I'm out. I'm going to raid the fridge if there is anything that remotely looks like a Flounder.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Stay classy, San Diego.

I give up.

Thanks to the 2008 San Diego County Fair, we have officially deep-fried everything.

Those are, in fact, deep-fried White Castle burgers, served on a bed of fries.

That is by far both the most disgusting & delicious thing I've ever seen. Just by looking at that picture, my heart suddenly jumped out my chest, put on its fedora and walked out the door.

I gotta get my ass to San Diego, stat!